Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Do Not Touch!

Volume 7, Issue 42

Hello All,

I spent the day in the Dispatch Center of the ElDorado police department. Union County was conducting their annual emergency drill and I was assigned to evaluate the dispatchers. Here’s my conclusion.
These ladies are among the best at their business. I watched as they handled the overwhelming radio and phone traffic of the drill as well as normal “real” activities of the Police and Fire Departments. In between routine and emergency calls, they kept up with their kids and arranged the weekend’s activities for their families, served cheesecake to the officers and me and made Christmas decorations.
I had a great time.
~~~~~
I also had a great time with our AR.-1 DMAT team members this week. We previewed a Power Point presentation of their deployment and just generally had a great time visiting with them and their families. Our sincere thanks again to Ricky and Sarah Shepherd, Steve Savoy, John Burge and their families.
~~~~~
Dusty had a rough time with an allergic reaction this week. Bobbie suspects a cat was the source and we hope the relocation of the feline along with the medicine will bring him along on the road to health.
~~~~~
I had a chance to visit with Dinah Sue and Elizabeth this week. It’s always great to see family. Elizabeth has a cute house near College Street.
~~~~~
Keith Burton shared a diet by a company called 50 FIFTY. Fifty percent of their profits go for diabetic research. The diet in question is the “ Low Glycemic Diet.” A simple new diet to help manage blood sugar. http://www.fifty50.com/ We’re gonna ask Dr. Rushing about this.
~~~~~
It’s never too early to start making your Christmas list. I’m going to keep this one running here for the benefit of my family.

1 Gig USB Key
GPS
$49 office chair from SAMS (5 of them)
AA Batteries
9-volt batteries
AAA Batteries
Digital Video Recorder
This will grow as the season approaches.
~~~~~
We’re reading “No True Glory” by Bing West this week. This book covers the battle for Fallujah from the perspective of the Marines on the ground while giving background on the connections between policy and combat priorities.
~~~~~
A related topic is the Iraq Coalition Casualties web page ... http://icasualties.org/oif/default.aspx This page provides casualty statistics for the Iraq war.
~~~~~
We saw Dr. Mendelsohm Thursday. He told us that there’s a new treatment for myelodysplastic anemia. However, it often makes the patient sicker than the disease itself. So his recommendation was to continue with our regime of EPO and B-12 shots.
So, we’re happy to stay with the status quo.
~~~~~
Our friend Norma Kay met with her Doctor, Gary Engstrom, this week and set up her chemo treatments. She writes; “For a while this has only seemed like a dream but now I know it is reality. He wanted to start my chemo today (Wednesday) but I had my own schedule!! HA! Today is my 51st birthday and I just didn't want that as my present! I will have my first treatment Monday morning at 8:30. I requested Mondays because if I do feel sick afterwards for a few days, I did not want it to be on the weekend. Weekends are when my children and grandchildren can be here and I want to feel good. Dr. Engstrom was fine with that. I also was given great news as far as the chemo goes. I only have to have 6 treatments instead of the 8 that were stated originally. I should finish up in early February. I couldn't be more excited if I had won the lottery! I don't understand why God is blessing me so but I am thankful for it.”
Thanks to all of you who prayed for Norma Kay.
~
She also shared with us that Arthur Hovarter has cancer. “He has a very large mass attached to his colon. It is contained there and has not spread which is a huge blessing. He will begin aggressive chemo and radiation (to be taken together) on Monday that will last for several weeks. This is to try to shrink the mass as much as possible before he has surgery. His doctor told him that the treatment will be extremely hard on him and I ask that you keep him in your prayers and on your prayer list at church.”
Norma Kay went on to say; “ On my way to Texarkana yesterday I read a church sign that said "Some things only God can do", I told Mike that was not correct, it should have said " God can do everything". He can and he will and I am so thankful.”
~~~~~
Congratulations to Don and Shelly Smith on the birth of Ethan Author Smith! Ethan was born 10/15/05 and weighed 5 lbs., 15 oz.
~~~~~
HYDERABAD, India (AP) - Indian President A.P.J. Abdul Kalam expressed concern Saturday about a free mapping program from Google Inc. (GOOG), warning it could help terrorists by providing satellite photos of potential targets.
Google Earth, an Internet site launched in June this year, allows users to access overlapping satellite photos. Although not all areas are highly detailed, some images are very high resolution, and some show sensitive locations in various countries.
Kalam, a scientist who guided India's missile program before becoming president, called for new laws to restrain dissemination of such material. He said existing laws in some countries regarding spatial observations of their territory and the United Nations' recommendations on the practice are inadequate.
~~~~~
A pair of military pilots embarked on China's second manned space flight early last week. This flight cements China’s position as the third nation able to sustain manned space flight.
At least one expert believes China's intentions might include a surprise attempt to circle the moon with astronauts before NASA's planned lunar return.
~~~~~
Turn your favorite photos into real US postage in 3 easy steps: www.photostamps.com
This holiday season, make your mail unforgettable. PhotoStamps are great for:

Holiday greeting cards
Party invitations
Thank you notes
Baby announcements
Birthday and anniversary parties
Vacation photos
Scrap booking
Gifts for any occasion

~~~~~
RELAY FOR LIFE - HALLOWEEN BAKE SALE - MONDAY, 10/31
~~~~~
Don't forget. The Steak and Bingo Dinner has been Rescheduled to Saturday October 22
~~~~~
The Taylor Elementary School will be having a BBQ Dinner Fundraiser on Saturday, October 29, from 6-8 p.m. Dinners will be dine-in or take out at the Taylor Cafeteria and will be $6.00 each.
BBQ, Potato Salad, Baked Beans, Bread, Dessert, Drink
Please contact Joel McMahen at the West Plant or Brian Taylor (6358) at the South Plant.
~~~~~
CLARISSA, Minn. - Residents of an isolated Amish community appear divided on what to do after doctors diagnosed four cases of the polio virus in their children. Some have decided on vaccinations to ward off future polio cases, while others prefer leaving the matter in God's hands.

I believe that God heals today. But refusing vaccination in the face of a debilitating disease reminds me of the Fred Price book; “Faith, Foolishness and Presumption.”
My generation remembers the scourge of polio. We remember the kids in “iron lungs” and classmates on crutches for life. There are many in Magnolia who still suffer the effects of childhood polio.
It really was a fearful time before the Salk vaccine was developed and a fearful disease was conquered, or so we thought.
Unfortunately, it only needs one unvaccinated person to carry the virus and infect others. Now we see stories regularly of people who resist vaccination for the diseases that killed and maimed thousands when we were young.
For those of you who say you have faith in God’s ability to protect your family, let me remind you of the story of the man stranded on the roof of his house in a flood.
A big truck came by and offered to take him to safety, but he told them he had faith that God was going to rescue him. Then, as the water rose, a fellow in a boat offered to take him to high ground. Again he refused, his faith in God unwavering. Finally as water lapped over the edge of the roof a helicopter hovered over to rescue him. And, again, he refused.
He was finally overcome by the water and drowned. Standing in the “Pearly Gates” he told St. Peter that he couldn’t believe God had let him drown. “What do you mean, let your drown?” Said St. Peter. “We sent a 4x4, a boat and a helicopter.”
~~~~~
Don't forget ... "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleat4q.blogspot.com
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
www.aaa.com Regular Mid Premium Diesel
Current Avg. $2.691 $2.858 $2.962 $3.226
http://www.fuelgaugereport.com/
~~~~~
Recipe(s) of the week - Low Carb Maple Pecan Pancakes - - courtesy George Stella
Show: Low Carb and Lovin' It - - Episode: Breakfast Best Bets


Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cook Time: 6 minutes
Yield: 4 servings
User Rating: 4 Stars

Non-stick cooking spray or butter
2 eggs
1/3-cup heavy cream
1/4-cup water
1 teaspoon no sugar added maple extract
½ cup soy flour
2 tablespoons sugar substitute (recommended: Splenda)
1-tablespoon wheat (or oat) bran
1/4-teaspoon baking powder
1/8 cup chopped pecans (walnuts may be substituted)
Low Carb Fresh Whipped Cream,
recipe follows


Grease a griddle or large pan with nonstick cooking spray or butter and heat over medium heat.

Mix all ingredients except pecans in a blender for about 15 seconds. Stop and scrape down the sides with a spatula, and continue mixing for another 15 seconds until well blended.

Pour approximately 16 mini-cakes onto the hot griddle, and sprinkle each with a few pecans. Cook on each side for only a minute or 2. Serve hot with melted butter or top with a dollop of Low Carb Whipped Cream.

Low Carb Fresh Whipped Cream:
1-cup heavy cream
1/3-cup sugar substitute (recommended: Splenda)
1 teaspoon no sugar added vanilla extract

With an electric mixer on high, whip the heavy cream just until frothy. Then add in the sugar substitute and vanilla extract and continue to whip on high until peaks form. Be careful not to over-whip, or cream will break. Store in a pastry bag or glass dish with a lid and refrigerate.

Yield: 12 servings


For 1 serving whipped cream:
Calories: 70 grams
Total Fat: 7 grams
Saturated Fat: 5 grams
Carbohydrates: 1 gram
Net Carbohydrates: 1 gram
Fiber: 0 grams



Nutritional Analysis per serving Calories 181
Fat 15 grams Saturated Fat 6 grams
Carbohydrates 7 grams Fiber 3 grams
Net Carbohydrates 4 grams


~~~

World's Tallest Omelet


Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cook Time: 10 minutes
Yield: 2 servings
User Rating: 4 Stars



Leftovers:
3 ounces cooked thinly sliced steak (London broil or sirloin)
2 ounces cooked fresh spinach
3 ounces shredded Cheddar

5 eggs
2 tablespoons club soda
1/8-teaspoon baking powder
1/8-teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1 tablespoon unsalted butter



Preheat the broiler to high.

Warm up the steak and spinach in a sauté pan or in the microwave. Place all ingredients, except butter, leftovers and cheese in a blender and process on high speed for about 10 seconds to incorporate air into the mix; the club soda and baking powder will help the omelet to rise. (You may also use a hand-held blender with a deep cup).

Melt the butter in a large non-stick pan over medium-high heat. Pour in the egg mixture, and using a rubber spatula, slowly push the cooked egg from 1 side of the bottom of the pan to the other to allow new raw egg to reach the bottom of the pan and cook (this creates height and keeps the bottom from burning).

When the omelet is cooked on the bottom and the top is still runny, you can either flip the omelet in the pan to finish, or to make the "Tallest" omelet possible, place the pan just below the broiler with the oven door open and the handle sticking out (it could melt otherwise) for about 30 seconds until the omelet rises and lightly browns.

Remove from heat, add warmed leftover filling and the cheese, and fold in half. To serve, slice into pieces. If desired, save a little filling and cheese to put on top after folding.


Nutritional Analysis per serving Calories 485
Fat 34 grams Saturated Fat 17 grams
Carbohydrates 4 grams Fiber 1 gram
Net Carbohydrates 3 grams

~~~~~
BreakPoint - - With Chuck Colson

Euthanasia in the Big Easy - - What a Drag It Is Growing Old - - October 21, 2005

It turns out that many of the most horrific stories we heard about New Orleans in the aftermath of Katrina weren’t true. But there’s one nightmarish story that may turn out to be an exception—a story that should cause anyone who plans on growing old to lose some sleep.

Following Katrina, stories began to circulate about the goings on at Memorial Hospital. These stories depicted an overwhelmed and increasingly desperate staff repeatedly discussing the unthinkable: “euthanizing patients they thought might not survive the ordeal.”

Fran Butler, a nurse manager at Memorial, told CNN that her “nurses wanted to know what was the plan.” Were they supposed to put people out of their misery? Dr. Bryant King has told authorities about similar discussions among doctors, adding that he thinks that the matter went beyond mere talk.

These allegations have prompted Louisiana’s Attorney General to open an investigation into what happened at Memorial Hospital. Were the sick euthanized? While I hope the allegations prove false, I know that the issues they raise are not going away.

That’s because of three undeniable facts: First, our population is aging, and aging populations spend more of their resources on health care than younger ones do. Second, the cost of health care is rising faster than almost any other sector of our economy.

And by “cost,” I mean more than dollars and cents. Among the resources required to care for an aging population are the time and efforts of younger people. You can’t care for the sick and elderly simply by throwing money at the problem, at least not if “quality of life” means anything.

The third fact is that in our post-Christian, secular culture, respect for the sanctity of life, especially at its end, has been weakened. The most obvious example, of course, is physician-assisted suicide, but an even greater threat is what’s called “Futile-Care Theory.” As bioethics writer Wesley Smith describes it, this theory gives doctors and hospitals—not patients and their families—“the right to declare which of us have lives worth living and therefore worth treating medically, and which of us do not.”

It’s a very short leap from what Smith calls “one of the hottest and most-dangerous topics in contemporary bioethics” to what is alleged to have happened in New Orleans. And why not take lives at their end? If we’re not created in the image of God, in a secular culture, we judge human life by its value to us—what it contributes—not its inherent dignity.

These factors are why the President’s Council on Bioethics just issued an important report titled Taking Care: Ethical Caregiving in Our Aging Society. The report expresses concern about “the human and moral shape that a mass geriatric society will take.”


We already live in a society where millions of families “face the difficult task of caring for frail and incapacitated elders.” As the numbers increase, an unqualified respect for the sanctity of human life may come to be seen as a “luxury” we can no longer afford.

Fortunately, we are not there, yet. There’s still time to make the case that it’s not a “luxury” but, instead, the basis of any decent society. We must do it now, and not wait until the problem gets out of hand, so that what happened in the Big Easy, the unthinkable, does not become a matter of stated policy.

For further reading and information:

Spend a year studying with Chuck Colson: Learn how to identify, advocate, and apply biblical truth in every arena of life. Apply for the 2006 Centurions Program. The deadline is November 15.

See the President’s Council on Bioethics report Taking Care.

Kathleen Johnston, “Staff at New Orleans hospital debated euthanizing patients,” CNN, 13 October 2005.

Jennifer Latson and Mark Washburn, “Euthanasia probe begins at hospital in New Orleans,” Houston Chronicle, 14 October 2005.

Caroline Graham and Jo Knowsley, “We had to kill our patients,” Daily Mail (UK), 11 September 2005.

Manuel Roig-Franzia and Ceci Connolly, “La. Investigates Allegations of Euthanasia at Hospital,” WashingtonPost, 15 October 2005, A03.

Wesley J. Smith, “‘Doc Knows Best’,” National Review Online, 6 January 2003.

Rita L. Marker and Wesley J. Smith, “Words, Words, Words,” International Task Force on Euthanasia and Assisted Suicide.

See BreakPoint’s research page on euthanasia and physician-assisted suicide.

http://www.pfm.org//AM/Template.cfm?Section=BreakPoint1
The BreakPoint Web site and BreakPoint WorldView Magazine feature Colson’s commentaries as well as feature articles by other established and up-and-coming writers to equip readers with a biblical perspective on a variety of issues and topics.
© 2004 Prison Fellowship.
~~~~~

Words of the Week:
sinecure: an office or position that involves little work or responsibility.
abjure: to renounce, reject, or shun.
lackadaisical: lacking spirit or liveliness.
aberrant: abnormal.
votary: one devoted to some pursuit, worship, study, or way of life.
pelf: money; riches.
tocsin: a warning.
lexicon: a dictionary; also, the vocabulary of a person, group, etc.
from Dictionary.Com


~~~~~
"Money often costs too much." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Thanks to television, for the first time the young are seeing history made before it is censored by their elders." - Margaret Mead

"The main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand." - Thomas Carlyle

"If I were to wish for anything, I should not wish for wealth and power, but for the passionate sense of the potential, for the eye which, ever young and ardent, sees the possible. Pleasure disappoints, possibility never. And what wine is so sparkling, what so fragrant, what so intoxicating, as possibility!" - Soren Kierkegaard

"A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer." - Robert Frost

"If we were not all so interested in ourselves, life would be so uninteresting that none of us would be able to endure it." - Arthur Schopenhauer

"Respect yourself and others will respect you." - Confucius

"A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road." - Henry Ward Beecher
~~~~~
U.S. Debt To the Penny & Historical Data - - http://www.publicdebt.treas.gov/opd/opdpenny.htm

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GCF: Do Not Touch!

Emailed to me from another humor list (The Funnies) -Tom To subscribe to The Funnies, send a blank email to: andychaps_the-funnies-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or visit the Good Clean Fun web site http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor/ UNSUBSCRIBE INFO for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2005 before it was sent.
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Our supply clerk at the factory was in a dither. A box had been left on the loading dock with this warning printed on it: "Danger! Do Not Touch!"

Management was called, and we were told to stay clear of the box until it could be analyzed. When the foreman arrived, he donned safety goggles and gloves, and then he carefully opened the box.

Inside were 25 signs that read: Danger! Do Not Touch!
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Parking Concern

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: Subscribe
-------------------------------------------

While walking through a parking lot, I tripped and fell flat on my face. As I was lying there, a woman stopped her car and called out, "Are you hurt?"

"No, I'm fine," I said, touched by her concern.

"Oh, good," she continued. "So will you be vacating your parking space now?"
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Under the Bed

Emailed to me from another humor list (Marty's Joke of the Day) -Tom To subscribe to Marty's Joke of the Day, send a blank email to: martysjotd-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

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Because of back problems, each night I lie on the floor and do exercises. Once when we stopped at a motel, as I started my exercise, something under the bed caught my eye. It was a card, on which was written "Yes, we do clean under here, too."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Enough is Enough

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Howard) -Tom
-------------------------------------------

One night recently, my phone rang several times throughout the evening. Each time, a woman's voice asked for Ben. Each time I politely explained that I lived alone, my name wasn't Ben, and she had a wrong number. The fifth time she called, I had had enough.

"Hello?" I said.

"Can I speak to Ben, please?"

I replied, "I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Can I take a message?"

"Do you know what time he'll be back?" she responded.

"I think he said he'd be home around 10:00."

Silence on the other end... a confused silence.

"Is this Steve?"

"Yes, it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?"

"Well... he said he would be home tonight and asked me to call him," she said in a slightly irritated voice.

I replied, "Well, he went out with Karen about an hour ago and said that he would be back at 10:00."

A shocked voice now: "Who's Karen?!"

"The girl he went out with."

"I know that! I mean... who is she?"

"I don't know her last name. Look, do you want me to leave a message for Ben?"

"Yes... please do. Tell him to call me when he gets home."

She was sounding pretty irate at this point. "I sure will. Is this Jennifer?"

She exploded, "Who's Jennifer?" Apparently she wasn't.

"Well... he's going out with Jennifer at 10:00. I thought you were her. Sorry... it was an honest mistake."

"Ben's the one that's made the mistake! Tell him that Alice called him and the she's very upset and that I would like him to call me as soon as he gets home."

I smiled and said, "Okay, I will... but Becky isn't going to like this..."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Tactful

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Howard) -Tom
-------------------------------------------

Some of the most tactful people on Earth are our English friends. A British office supervisor once called a secretary in to give her the bad news that she was being fired. He started the conversation with: "Miss Symthe, I really don't know how we're going to get along without you, but starting Monday, we're going to try."
_ ____________________________ _
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Your cat does love you! \ /
\ _/ It's just hidden beneath \_ /
/ / a veil of contempt. \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / Some people can tell what \ \_/ ////
\ / time it is by looking at the \ /
\ _/ sun, but I have never been \_ /
/ / able to make out the numbers. \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / For every action, there is an \ /
\ _/ equal and opposite criticism. \_ /
/ / \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / What do you do when \ \_/ ////
\ / you see an endangered \ /
\ _/ animal that is eating an \_ /
/ / endangered plant? \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / When someone annoys you, it \ \_/ ////
\ / takes 42 muscles to frown, but \ /
\ _/ it only takes 4 muscles to extend \_ /
/ / your arm and whack them in the head. \ _ ____________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( / / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ _( (_ | http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor | _) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
_ ____________________________ _
(((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_|Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/
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[GCFL.net] The Perfect Husband

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.

A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, ..go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$60,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .... The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000"

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer 900,000."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"

MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

Then he asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

Received from Joseph Brauer.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Logical Reasoning

Two friends signed up for college. When they looked at their schedules, the first friend noticed he had Logical Reasoning as a class. Not knowing what it was, he went to the class and asked the teacher what logical reasoning was.

The teacher than proceeded to explain: "Do you have a weed eater?"

"Yes," replied the guy.

"You have a weed eater, which means you have a lawn, which means you have a house, which means you have kids, which means you have a wife, which means you're straight."

When he got out of class, he met with his friend who asked him what logical reasoning was about.

"Well," said the guy. "Do you have a weed eater?"

"No," replied the friend.

"Then you're gay!"

Received from Lorena Fregoso.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Potty Training In The Computer Age

Little brother: What do I do now?

Big brother: Throw the toilet paper in the toilet.

Little brother: Like this?

Big brother: Yeah.

Little brother: Now what?

Big brother: Hit "ENTER."

Little brother: "ENTER"?

Big brother: I mean "flush."

Received from Keith Sullivan.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] New Employees

How to Place New Employees in a Proper Department

Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.

If they have taken the table apart, put them in Engineering.

If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them to Finance.

If they are waving their arms and talking out loud, send them to Consulting.

If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot for them.

If they are wearing green sunglasses and need a haircut, Computer Information Systems is their niche.

If the room has a sweaty odor, perhaps they're destined for the Help Desk.

If they mention what a good price we got for the table and chairs, put them into Purchasing.

If they mention that hardwood furniture DOES NOT come from rainforests, Public Relations would suit them well.

If they are writing up the experience, send them to the Technical Documents team.

If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign them to Security.

If they try to tell you it's not as bad as it looks, send them to Marketing.

If they are sleeping, they are Management material.

Received from Joke of the Week.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] New Windows

Dear Diary,

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-pane energy-efficient kind.

But this week I got a call from the contractor who installed them, complaining that his work had been completed a whole year ago, and I had yet to pay for them.

Boy oh boy, did we go around!! Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.

I proceeded to tell him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year: namely, that in one-year the windows would pay for themselves.

There was silence on the other end of the line, so I just hung up... and I have not heard back.

Guess I won that stupid argument!

Received from Paul Bateman.

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
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Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List "A cheerful heart is good medicine!" (Prov 17:22a) Go to http://gcfl.net/mlfrontend.php to change your subscription options or unsubscribe. To email this funny to a friend, go to http://gcfl.net/emailit.php?funny=20050107 The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://gcfl.net/latest.php
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YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2005 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

Thanks to Pat Hammock
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Welcome to You Make Me Laugh, a free newsletter from Crosswalk.com, the world's largest Christian website.
Today's Clean Laugh

Moving Smith

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office.

"Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."

"We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."

"Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

"Eye Laugh"

Cool Computer

http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=161

(-:][:-)

Puppy Love

For months Bill had been Lynn's devoted admirer. Now, at long last, he had collected up sufficient courage to ask her the most momentous of all questions.

"There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor," Bill began, "but there comes a time when one longs for the companionship of another being, a being who will regard one as perfect, as an idol; whom one can treat as one's absolute own; who will be kind and faithful when times are hard; who will share one's joys and sorrows."

To his delight, Bill saw a sympathetic gleam in Lynn's eyes. Then she nodded in agreement. Finally, Lynn responded,

"I think it's a great idea! Can I help you choose which puppy to buy?"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

"Eye Laugh"

Book Allowance

http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=160

(-:][:-)

Sunday Service

A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service.

After the benediction he had planned to call the couple down to be married for a brief ceremony before the congregation.

For the life of him, he couldn't think of the names of those who were to be married.

"Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?" he requested.

Immediately, nine single ladies, three widows, four widowers, and six single men stepped to the front.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

"Eye Laugh"

Grizzly Golf

http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=159

(-:][:-)

Top Tips For Cheapskates

~ Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.

~ When reading a book, try tearing out the pages as you read them. This saves the expense of buying a bookmark, and the pages can later be used for shopping lists.

~ Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb

~ Drill a one-inch diameter hole in your refrigerator door. This will allow you to check that the light goes off when the door is closed.

~ Avoid being wheel-clamped by jacking your car up, removing the wheels and locking them safely in the car until you return.

~ Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers to "fast wipe" whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

~ Take your trash can to the supermarket with you so that you can see which items you have recently run out of.

~ No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in duct tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.

~ Expensive hair gels are a con. Marmalade is a much cheaper alternative, but beware of bees in the summer.

~ Avoid cutting yourself while clumsily slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

"Eye Laugh"

Pizza Issues

http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=157

(-:][:-)

First Day

Little Johnny was thrilled when his turn came to enter kindergarten. To make sure he had plenty of time to eat breakfast and get ready on the first day, his mother woke everybody up early -- so early that it was still dark.

After looking outside Little Johnny went down the hall and found his mother dressing in the bedroom. He looked so troubled that his mother asked, "What's wrong?" mustering as much cheerfulness into her voice as she could at that hour. "This is your big day!"

Little Johnny blurted, "You didn't tell me I was going to night school."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

"Eye Laugh"

Answering Machine

http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=121

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
Daily devotionals are available at http://link.Crosswalk.Com/UM/T.asp?A1. 39. 17757. 1. 494611 You can access more information on Crosswalk's Fun page http://www.Crosswalk.Com/fun/! Crosswalk gives credit to the author of a joke when author is known. Feel free to send notification to admin@cybersalt.org in cases where credit has not been given to the author! -SUBSCRIPTION INFO- * Copyright2004 Crosswalk.Com, Inc. and its Content Providers. All rights reserved. Introducing www.Crossguide.Com Where Christians find Products, Services & Ministries.
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"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.madkane.com/jumpjivesweat.html - - Jump, Jive, & Sweat "You're gonna swing dance in this weather? Are you insane?"
I've been asked that a lot lately, which isn't surprising when you consider this summer's humidity and heat wave. New York City's weather has been so unbearable, that felons have switched from car theft to stealing AC's...
http://www.madkane.com
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
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Everyday Science - - http://www.nsls.bnl.gov/about/everyday/ - - The National Synchrotron Light Source is a scientific facility that is funded by the U.S. Department of Energy. Each year, more than 2500 scientists from all over the world come to perform experiments at the NSLS. This website describes some of the everyday science that goes on at the NSLS and how it may impact your everyday life.
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Why are things colored? - - http://webexhibits.org/causesofcolor/ - - Why is the sky blue? Why is fire yellow? What about flamingos or emeralds? Scholars have learned that all the colors in the universe originate from a mere fifteen fundamental physical causes. These causes appear over and over, lending color to the world around us. Some common causes seem logical -- for example, both light bulbs and candles are colored by incandescence -- and others are surprising -- did you know that the colors of peacock feathers and bubbles are both caused by interference?
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U.S. Economy at a Glance - - http://stats.bls.gov/eag/ - - This Bureau of Labor Statistics site presents key economic statistics, for all fifty states, updated monthly.
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Last Best Chance - - http://www.lastbestchance.org/ - - Last Best Chance was produced with support from the Nuclear Threat Initiative, with additional funding from the Carnegie Corporation of New York and the John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation. This film is based on facts. Some events depicted may have already happened. Some may be happening now. All may happen in the near future if we don't act now to prevent them. Free DVD of movie available. See film on HBO October 17.
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Influenza Pandemics - - http://www.cdc.gov/flu/avian/gen-info/pandemics.htm - - An influenza pandemic is a global outbreak of disease that occurs when a new influenza A virus appears or emerges in the human population, causes serious illness, and then spreads easily from person to person worldwide. Pandemics are different from seasonal outbreaks or epidemics of influenza. Seasonal outbreaks are caused by subtypes of influenza viruses that are already in existence among people, whereas pandemic outbreaks are caused by new subtypes or by subtypes that have never circulated among people or that have not circulated among people for a long time. Past influenza pandemics have led to high levels of illness, death, social disruption, and economic loss.
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Best Health Plans 2005 - - http://www.usnews.com/usnews/health/best-health-insurance/honorroll/honorroll_commercial.htm - - The 2005 managed-care Honor Roll recognizes commercial, Medicare, and Medicaid health plans that stand out in new U.S. News rankings. The rankings were compiled from data collected and analyzed by the National Committee for Quality Assurance, managed care's major accrediting body.
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AskOxford - - http://www.askoxford.com/ - - This site offers helpful tips for better writing, information on the origin of words and the creation of dictionaries, and diversions like word games, crossword puzzles, and a jargon buster.
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Audubon's Birds of America - - http://www.audubon.org/bird/BoA/BOA_index.html - - This site presents the online version of John James Audubon's Birds of America. It is from an 1840 "First Octavo Edition" of Audubon's complete seven-volume text, and presents Audubon's images and original text descriptions. Bird species can be found listed alphabetically, or categorized by family. Audubon's drawings of some species' anatomical features are also included in the "Figures" section.
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"Months before Hurricanes Katrina and Rita struck, volunteer searchers found 6,251 homeless people living in the coastal areas of Louisiana, Texas, Mississippi and Alabama. The search was part of an unprecedented count of the nation's homeless population that the federal government asked cities and counties to conduct. Months before Hurricanes Katrina and Rita struck, volunteer searchers found 6,251 homeless people living in the coastal areas of Louisiana, Texas, Mississippi and Alabama. The search was part of an unprecedented count of the nation's homeless population that the federal government asked cities and counties to conduct. That snapshot tally was 727,304 homeless people nationwide, meaning about one in 400 Americans were without a home, according to a USA TODAY survey of all 460 localities that reported results to the Department of Housing and Urban Development in June."
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"The Memphis metropolitan area was the most dangerous for young pedestrians in a ranking of data compiled by Safe Kids Worldwide, an international organization focused on preventing accidental injuries to children. Austin was the safest. The report based its rankings of 47 metropolitan areas on the population ages 14 and younger, the average number of such pedestrians killed each year and the estimated percentage of trips children make on foot. Pedestrian deaths among children are dropping. The number of children 14 and younger who died as pedestrians dropped from 768 in 1993 to 390 in 2003 - a decline of 49% - the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration says. One reason for the drop is that proportionally fewer children are walking to school: 10% in 1995 from nearly 50% in 1969, according to the Safe Kids study." -
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"A super-flu could kill up to 1.9 million Americans, according to a draft of the government's plan to fight a worldwide epidemic. Officials are rewriting that plan to designate not just who cares for the sick but who will keep the country running amid the chaos, said an influenza specialist who is advising the government on those decisions. 'How do you provide food, water ... basic security for the population?' asked Michael Osterholm of the University of Minnesota, a government adviser who has a copy of the draft plan and described it for The Associated Press. 'This is a much more comprehensive view than has previously been detailed,' he said in an interview October 8, 2005." -
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"A super-flu could kill up to 1.9 million Americans, according to a draft of the government's plan to fight a worldwide epidemic. Officials are rewriting that plan to designate not just who cares for the sick but who will keep the country running amid the chaos, said an influenza specialist who is advising the government on those decisions. 'How do you provide food, water ... basic security for the population?' asked Michael Osterholm of the University of Minnesota, a government adviser who has a copy of the draft plan and described it for The Associated Press. 'This is a much more comprehensive view than has previously been detailed,' he said in an interview. The Bush administration has spent the last year updating its plan for how to fight the next flu pandemic. While it is impossible to say when one will strike, the fear is that the bird flu in Asia could trigger one if it mutates to start spreading easily among people." -
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"Researchers have found provocative evidence that the brain dysfunction that underlies epilepsy may also determine whether people are at risk for suicide. The study, published online October 10, 2005 in the Annals of Neurology, also suggests that depression and suicide may have different brain mechanisms. 'For reasons that are not understood, depression both increases the risk for developing epilepsy and is also common among people with epilepsy who experience many seizures,' said lead author Dale C. Hesdorffer, Ph.D., of the Gertrude Sergievsky Center at Columbia University. It has commonly been assumed that the difficulties associated with living with epilepsy could provoke depression, and in some cases, an increased risk of suicide, the authors write. But is harder to explain the opposite findings, that people who develop depression have a higher risk of later experiencing a first seizure." -
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"Winter heating bills will be a third to a half higher for most families across the country, with the sharpest increases expected for those who heat with natural gas, the Energy Department forecast Wednesday. The department said natural gas users can expect to pay an average of $350 more during the upcoming winter compared to last year, an increase of 48 percent. Those who heat their homes with fuel oil will pay $378 more, or 32 percent higher than last winter. Propane users can expect a percentage jump in their bills similar to those of fuel oil users. In its winter fuels outlooks report, DOE's Energy Information Administration assumed a normal winter and steady progress in restoring oil and natural gas production and refinery output from the damage inflicted by hurricanes Katrina and Rita." -
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"Trying to track who's getting what portion of the billions of dollars in federal Hurricane Katrina aid is enough to give any auditor a headache - and is a problem that critics say creates alarming gaps in public oversight. The database of contracts is incomplete. Information released by federal agencies is spotty and sporadic. And disclosure of many no-bid contracts isn't required by law. 'On any given day, the government is spending millions of taxpayer dollars, but we simply have no visibility on these purchases,' said Christopher Yukins, a contracting law professor at George Washington University. 'They just buy from the same person year after year.' Under federal election law, a click of a mouse traces every campaign donation. Yet no comprehensive public database exists for federal contracts." -
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"Americans are heavier now than 40 years ago but have lower cholesterol levels mainly because of the introduction of statin drugs in the late 1980s. Still, doctors responding to the new government findings say keeping the heart healthy requires more than just popping cholesterol-lowering pills. The declining levels for adults aged 20 and older occurred from the 1960s to 2002, fueled mostly by cholesterol reductions in older adults and thanks mostly to medication including statins, the researchers said. Statins - which include such widely used medicines as Lipitor, Zocor and Pravachol - can dramatically reduce levels of LDL cholesterol, the bad kind that can clog arteries and lead to heart attacks. The drop in Americans' overall cholesterol levels resulted from a decline in LDL, according to the study."
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TOURBUS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -:) - :)- :)
Volume 11, Number 20 -- 20 October 2005
Tourbus Home - http://www.TOURBUS.com
Best of Tourbus -- http://tourbus.com/best.html

+---------------------------------------+

TODAY'S TOURBUS TOPICS: Big Brother Printer / Firewalls

Can a printed page from your laser printer identify who you are and where you live? What's the deal with firewalls, and why is your computer running so slow? Get answers in today's TOURBUS! Read on...

--------------------------------
Is Your Printer Spying on You?
--------------------------------
A reader recently asked me this intriguing question about laser printers and personal privacy: "I've heard that some printers embed a secret coded dot pattern on each printed page, and that if you decode the dots, you can determine the owner of the printer and the exact time the page was printed. That sounds like a privacy violation -- is it true?"

This one has all the markings of a silly urban legend, but in fact it's true. Find out what the U.S. government has to do with this, and learn how to decode the little yellow dots here:
http://www.askbobrankin.com/is_your_printer_spying_on_you.html

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What Happens When You Yell "MOVIE!" in a Crowded Firehouse?
-------------------------------------------------------------
Sometimes even the professionals who are supposed to be protecting you are confused by hype and false alarms. Have you heard conflicting reports on whether or not you should be using a firewall? Some people say they are only needed for dialup users. Others claim that you MUST have a firewall if you have a highspeed DSL or cable connection.

So who's right? It turns that "Do I Need a Firewall?" is the wrong question. What you really need to know is... what the heck *IS* a firewall, why you need one, and what kind of firewall is right for your system. My article "Do I Need a Firewall?" (which, given the benefit of hindsight, seems rather unfittingly titled) answers all your burning questions.
http://www.askbobrankin.com/do_i_need_a_firewall.html

---------------------------------
Do You Need a Registry Cleaner?
---------------------------------
Does your computer seem to be running slower as it gets older? It might seem like a Vast Conspiracy designed to make you buy a new computer or the latest operating system. But it could be just a dirty registry that's slowing you down on the infobahn.

That's not meant to imply that you've been visiting any questionable websites... Your Windows system registry stores all the settings and options for the operating system, hardware, software, and the user preferences of the PC. It also manages your system startup options, and keeps track of all the software that's installed.

But the sad fact is that the registry is very likely to turn into a muddled mess over time, and can make your computer start up and run slower. Learn how to view the contents of the registry, and where to get a free download to clean the clutter.
http://www.askbobrankin.com/do_i_need_a_registry_cleaner.html

---------------------
The Next Best Thing
---------------------
Linda from Marlinton, West Virginia recently wrote and said "The next best thing to Tourbus is the Smart Computing magazine that you guys recommend. I've been getting it since last summer and it has solved numerous problems for me and my friends." Thanks, Linda!

We hope other Tourbus riders will discover the Plain English answers to their computing questions that Smart Computing delivers every month. Do you want to speed up your PC? Eliminate the threat of computer viruses? Get rid of spyware and keep hackers out? Try Smart Computing today -- get your FREE TRIAL issue NOW!

http://www.tourbus.com/smart.htm

That's all for now, see you next time! -- Bob Rankin
+---------------------------------------+
==[ Tourbus Rider Information ]==
The Internet Tourbus - U.S. Library of Congress ISSN #1094-2238 Copyright 1995-2005, Rankin & Crispen - All rights reserved Tourbus News Service - http://tourbus.com/news.html Subscribe, Signoff, Archives, Free Stuff and More at the Tourbus Website - http://www.TOURBUS.com
========================
.~~~. ))
(\__/) .' ) )) Patrick Douglas Crispen
/o o \/ .~
{o_, \ { crispen@netsquirrel.com
/ , , ) \ http://www.netsquirrel.com/
`~ -' \ } )) AOL Instant Messenger: Squirrel2K
_( ( )_.'
---..{____} Warning: squirrels.
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Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ.
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Many of you have received an e mail this past week talking about an issue before the FCC that would limit the reading of scripture on the airwaves and even says that Dr. James Dobson is going to appear on CNBC to talk about the issue.
THIS IS BOGUS.
There is no such petition and the Focus on the Family website specifically refutes Dr. Dobson's involvement and the existence of the petition.
Thanks to Ken Sibley
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Indonesian judges sentenced three women on September 1st to three years in prison for allowing Muslim children to attend a Christian Sunday School program, "Happy Sunday". Rebekka Zakaria, Eti Pangesti and Ratna Bangun received the sentence after judges found them guilty of attempting to convert children under the Child Protection Act of 2002. The Sunday school teachers had instructed the children to get permission from their parents before attending the program, and those who did not have permission were asked to go home, according to Jeff Hammond of Bless Indonesia Today. The three women were relieved that they had not been given the maximum five-year prison sentence and plan to appeal the conviction but were devastated at the prospect of being separated from their children.

As they have done throughout the trial, Islamic extremists made murderous threats both inside and outside the courtroom. Hammond said several truckloads of extremists arrived; one brought a coffin to bury the accused if they were found innocent. "The ladies, witnesses and judges were constantly under the threats of violence from hundreds of Islamic radicals who threatened to kill the three ladies, witnesses, pastors, missionaries and even the judges if the women were acquitted," Hammond said.

Since the first accusations were made, Muslim authorities in West Java have forced Zakaria's church to close. Muslim leaders have forced at least 60 unlicensed churches in West Java to shut down over the past year, with minimal intervention from the government.

Don't let the faith of these Christian women suffer in silence. Please take this opportunity to request your no cost subscription to The Voice of the Martyrs monthly newsletter. You will read some of the most courageous stories and find practical ways you can get involved.

http://etools.ncol.com/a/jgroup/bg_wwwpersecutioncom_afa-vompp_9.html
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George Carlin on New Orleans - Fiction!
Summary of the eRumor: A list of comments about the aftermath of hurricane Katrina attributed to George Carlin
The Truth: There is no evidence that George Carlin wrote this.
It has circulated without either of their names and appears to be another example of someone feeling that the writing needed more credibility and added a well-known person's name.
So much for credibility.
http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/g/carlin-on-new-orleans.htm
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TGIF-Today God Is First


David's Armor
by Os Hillman, October 21, 2005

David fastened on his sword over the tunic and tried walking around, because he was not used to them. "I cannot go in these," he said to Saul, "because I am not used to them." So he took them off. - 1 Samuel 17:39

David, the young shepherd boy, heard the challenge from the Philistines to send someone to fight Goliath. No one volunteered to fight except David. King Saul reluctantly agreed and offered David his armor. David put on the weighty equipment, but quickly concluded he could not fight in this heavy armor.

God equips each of us in such a way that is unique to our strengths and abilities. David was trained as a shepherd to use another weapon. For David, it was a slingshot. David showed great maturity in realizing he could not be effective with Saul's armor.

What are the gifts and talents God has given to you? Have you ever tried to accomplish a task with tools you were not trained to use? God allows each of us to develop skills that are unique to our life. He will not call you to use someone else's tools.

However, this is only half of the equation. These talents must be mixed with faith. Talent alone is not enough. Faith alone is not enough. It is only when the two are combined that God's power is released and manifested in the physical realm.

Mix your unique gifts with faith today; you will be surprised at the power of God that will be manifested.

-=+=-

Avoiding Detours
by Os Hillman, October 20, 2005

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. - Proverbs 3:5-6

I turned off the interstate to get gas for my car. I was returning from a speaking engagement and it was very late. As I turned onto the road, I looked for the entrance ramp to get back on the interstate. It was dark and I could not see any signs. I made a turn to the right that appeared to be the turn I needed to make. I could see the interstate was next to the road. As I continued down this road, the interstate was on my left. It soon became obvious it was not the entrance road but rather a frontage road. I assumed it would take me to the next interchange. However, the road soon turned away from the interstate. It grew darker and darker. The road became a dirt road. I realized I was not going to get to the interstate on this road. Being a bit frustrated that I had made the wrong turn, I turned around and went back, losing valuable time.

It is easy to make assumptions about the path we are on. If God's Spirit has not enlightened our reasoning, we are inclined to make the wrong choices. Our choices seem right at the time, but later we discover these choices have led us away from God because they were based on our own reasoning.

Acknowledge God in all your ways today. Lean completely on Him to reveal His direction for your life. If you do so, He will direct you to the desired destination He has for you.

-=+=-

Are You Salty?
by Os Hillman, October 19, 2005

Everyone will be salted with fire. - Mark 9:49

Jesus used parables to communicate principles of the Kingdom of God. He said each believer's life should have the same impact on his or her world as salt has on food. Salt gives food flavor and brings out the best, while at the same time it serves as a preservative.

What allows a Christian to become salty? Fire. God knows that each believer needs a degree of testing by fire in order for Christ's fragrance to be manifested. We cannot become salty without this deeper work of the Holy Spirit's fire in our lives. Fire purifies all that is not of Christ. It takes away all the impurities that prevent His nature from being revealed in us.

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith-of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire-may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed (1 Peter 1:6-7).

Are you a salty Christian? If not, pray a prayer that the immature are unwilling to pray. Pray that God makes you a salty Christian. It will result in praise and glory at the throne of God.

-=+=-

The Power of Unity
by Os Hillman, October 18, 2005

That all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in Me and I am in You. May they also be in Us so that the world may believe that You have sent Me. - John 17:21

What is the greatest power that allows the unsaved to make a decision for Jesus Christ? It isn't prayer, though this is important. It isn't good deeds, though deeds indicate a fruitful relationship with God. It isn't good behavior, though Christ commands us to be obedient as sons. The greatest power God's children have over darkness is unity. Jesus talked a great deal about His oneness with the Father and the importance of unity in the Body of Christ. It is the most difficult command Jesus gave to the Church, because it wars against the most evil aspect of our sin nature-independence.

In the last days we are seeing God's Spirit convict His children of the lack of unity among His Church. We are seeing God move between blacks and whites, ethnic groups, denominations, and parachurch groups. There is much work to be done. The walls of division and competition among His Body are a stench in God's nostrils. He sees the competition and the pride of ownership and weeps for the lost who cannot come to Him because they cannot see Him in His Body. When His Body is one, the unbelieving see that Jesus was sent by God. It is like a supernatural key that unlocks Heaven for the heathen soul. The key is in the hand of Christ's Church.

When there is unity, there is power. Scripture tells us five will chase 100, but 100 will chase 10,000 (see Lev. 26:8). There is a dynamic multiplication factor in unity of numbers. We are a hundred times more effective when we are a unified group. Imagine what God could do with a unified Church.

Jesus prayed that we all might be one, as the Father and He are one. He wanted the same love God has for Jesus to be in each of us. When this love is in us, we are drawn to each other with a common mission. The walls fall down. The independent spirit is broken. Competition is destroyed. Satan's accusations are thwarted. Our love for each other is manifest to the world around us. Lost souls begin to seek this love that is so foreign to them.

Have you contributed to an independent spirit within His Body? Are you seeking to break down walls of competition among Christians, churches, denominations, and ethnic groups? Until we walk in the spirit of unity, we will hinder those in whom God has reserved a place in Heaven. Pray for His Church to be unified.

-=+=-

The Benefits of Obedience
by Os Hillman, October 17, 2005

This is what the Lord says-your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: "I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go." - Isaiah 48:17

My career has been in marketing and advertising. Early on, I learned to distinguish the difference between features and benefits. Features represent characteristics of a product or service. Benefits are those things that directly profit or benefit me by using the product or service. For instance, my new computer has incredible speed and lots of memory (feature). This allows me to do things more quickly and easily (benefit). People are more concerned about the benefits than the features.

God tells us in the above verse that there are some direct benefits to the features of His nature. He is a God who is committed to teaching His children in the way they should go. What is the real benefit of His teaching? He answers this in the next verse. "If only you had paid attention to My commands, your peace would have been like a river, your righteousness like the waves of the sea" (Is. 48:18).

The Lord tells us that the benefit of allowing God to teach us and lead us in the way is peace and righteousness. Here is a guaranteed promise from God. I often use guarantees in my advertising claims. Here is God's immutable guarantee: You will have peace like a river and righteousness like the waves of the sea! What a great promise!

Are you trusting God with the very details of your life so that He can lead you in the way you should go? Are you allowing Him to teach you? Seek the Lord today for what He wants to teach you and allow Him to lead you, and you will ensure peace and righteousness in your life.

-=+=-

When Insecurity Turns Evil
by Os Hillman, October 16, 2005

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Romans 12:15 - 1 Kings 20:28

Saul was very angry; this refrain galled him. "They have credited David with tens of thousands," he thought, "but me with only thousands. What more can he get but the kingdom?" (1 Samuel 18:8)

This statement caused something to snap in King Saul. From this point on, Saul was never the leader God intended him to be. He allowed insecurity to drive his every decision. Insecurity leads to the need to control people and circumstances. The need to control leads to anger once we realize we are unable to control the circumstance. King Saul could not accept, much less rejoice, over David's success. David's life would never be the same, because Saul sought to kill David every chance he had. Saul had a choice; he could have seen David as an up-and-coming general in his army who could have become an important part of his team and made the kingdom of Israel even stronger. Instead, he looked at him as a threat.

When you hear good news about fellow workers or associates, do you rejoice with them? If you find yourself comparing your life's circumstances to others and don't feel you measure up, recognize that this is one of satan's greatest ploys to destroy you.

Christ has given you all things in Him. He has a unique plan for you that cannot be compared to another. He alone is your security. Trust in the purposes He has for your life. And remember, "My God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus" (Phil. 4:19 KJV).

-=+=-

Copyright 2005. www.MarketplaceLeaders.org
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To contact Os Hillman, request reprint permission, or to book Os to speak in your town write to os@marketplaceleaders.org. Marketplace Leaders Website: http://www.marketplaceleaders.org/ Copyright 2005
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Please recommend this TGIF daily devotional to everyone interested in applying their faith to their worklife. Tell them to subscribe at http://www.TodayGodIsFirst.com

Os Hillman Copyright 2005
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Activities and Events of Interest
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Steak and Bingo Dinner Rescheduled - October 22
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The Emancipation Proclamation will be on display at the Clinton Library September 22-25, 2007.
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"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/

01. Spc. Scott J. Mullen, 22, of Tucson, Ariz., died in Makati City, The Republic of the Philippines, on Oct. 14, of injuries sustained there from a non-combat related accident on Oct. 13. Mullen was assigned to the 5th Battalion, 4th Psychological Operations Group, U.S. Army Civil Affairs & Psychological Operations Command, Fort Bragg, N.C.

The Department of Defense announced the deaths of three soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died in Al Taji, Iraq, on Oct. 14, when they were conducting convoy operations and an 18-wheel tractor trailer accidentally struck the rear of their HMWWV, starting a fire and causing ammunition to detonate. The soldiers were assigned to the Army National Guard's 243rd Engineer Company, Baltimore, Md. Killed were:
02. Sgt. Brian R. Conner, 36, of Baltimore, Md.
03. Spc. Samuel M. Boswell, 20, of Elkridge, Md.
04. Spc. Bernard L. Ceo, 23, of Baltimore, Md.

05. Sgt. Mark P. Adams, 24, of Morrisville, N.C., died Oct. 15 from an improvised explosive device while conducting combat operations against enemy forces in Saqlawiyah, Iraq. He was assigned to Marine Forces Reserve’s II Marine Expeditionary Force Augmentation Command Element, Camp Lejeune, N.C. During Operation Iraqi Freedom, Adams was attached to 2nd Marine Division, II MEF (Forward).

06. Pfc. Joseph Cruz, 22, of Whittier, Calif., died in Bagram, Afghanistan, on Oct. 16, of non-combat related injuries sustained in an accident at Organ-E, Afghanistan, on Oct. 15. Cruz was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 508th Infantry Regiment, Vicenza, Italy.

07. Lance Cpl. Christopher M. Poston, 20, of Glendale, Ariz., died Oct. 17 from a non-hostile vehicle accident in Hit, Iraq. He was assigned to Battalion Landing Team 2nd Battalion, 1st Marine Regiment, 13th Marine Expeditionary Unit, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif.

08. Lance Cpl. Chad R. Hildebrandt, 22, of Springer, N.M., died Oct. 17 from small-arms fire while conducting combat operations against enemy forces in Al Rutbah, Iraq. He was assigned to 1st Light Armored Reconnaissance Battalion, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif. During Operation Iraqi Freedom, his unit was attached to 2nd Marine Division, II MEF (Forward).

09. Petty Officer 3rd Class Fabricio Moreno, 26, of Brooklyn, N.Y., was killed Oct. 14 in a single-vehicle accident in Manda Bay, Kenya. Moreno was assigned to Naval Mobile Construction Battalion 3, Port Hueneme, Calif. He was deployed as part of a Combined Joint Task Force – Horn of Africa construction team.

10. Lance Cpl. Daniel Scott R. Bubb, 19, of Grottoes, Va., died Oct. 17 from small-arms fire while conducting combat operations against enemy forces in Al Rutbah, Iraq. He was assigned to the 1st Light Armored Reconnaissance Battalion, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif. During Operation Iraqi Freedom, his unit was attached to 2nd Marine Division, II MEF (Forward).

11. Spc. Lucas A. Frantz, 22, of Tonganoxie, Kan., died in Mosul, Iraq, on Oct. 18, when he was hit by enemy fire while performing a combat mission. Frantz was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 17th Infantry Regiment, 172nd Sryker Brigade Combat Team, Fort Wainwright, Alaska.

12. Staff Sgt. Tommy I. Folks Jr., 31, of Amarillo, Texas, died in Baghdad, Iraq, on Oct. 19, of injuries sustained on Oct. 18, in Iskandariyah, Iraq, when multiple improvised explosive devices detonated near his HMMWV during convoy operations. Folks was assigned to the Army National Guard's 2nd Battalion, 142nd Infantry Regiment, 56th Brigade Combat Team, 36th Infantry Division, Amarillo, Texas.

13. Lance Cpl. Norman W. Anderson III, 21, of Parkton, Md., died Oct. 19 from a suicide vehicle-borne improvised explosive device while conducting combat operations against enemy forces in Karabilah, Iraq. He was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 6th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

14. Spc. Daniel D. Bartels, 22, of Huron, S.D., died in Mosul, Iraq, on Oct. 19, of a non-combat related cause identified there on Oct. 18. Bartels was assigned to the 4th Squadron, 14th Cavalry Regiment, 172nd Stryker Brigade Combat Team, Fort Wainwright, Alaska.

15. Spc. Kendall K. Frederick, 21, of Randallstown, Md., died near Tikrit, Iraq, on Oct. 19, when an improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle during convoy operations. Frederick was assigned to the Army Reserve's 983rd Engineer Battalion, Monclova, Ohio.

The Department of Defense announced the death of three Soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died in Balad, Iraq, on Oct. 19, when their HMMWV was struck by enemy indirect fire during patrol operations. The Soldiers were assigned to the 5th Squadron, 7th Cavalry Regiment, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 3rd Infantry Division, Fort Stewart, Ga. Killed were:
16. Sgt. Arthur A. Mora Jr., 23, of Pico Rivera, Calif.
17. Spc. Russell H. Nahvi, 24, of Arlington, Texas.
18. Spc. Jose E. Rosario, 20, of St. Croix, Virgin Islands.

http://icasualties.org/oif/default.aspx

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Airmen Missing from World War II Identified

The remains of three U.S. servicemen, missing in action since 1941, have been identified and are being returned to their families for burial with full military honors.
They are Army Air Forces 2nd Lt. Augustus J. Allen, of Myrtle Springs, Texas, Staff Sgt. James D. Cartwright, of Los Angeles, Calif., and Cpl. Paul R. Stubbs, of Haverhill, Mass.
On June 8, 1941, Allen, Cartwright and Stubbs departed France Field, Panama in an O-47A aircraft, en route to Rio Hato, Panama. When the aircraft failed to arrive at its destination, a search was initiated by both air and ground forces, but with negative results.
In April 1999, a Panamanian citizen reported to Panamanian Civil Aeronautics (PCA) he had discovered aircraft wreckage while hunting in the mountains of Panama Province, Republic of Panama. After a PCA search and rescue team visited the site, the wreckage was reported to the Joint Prisoner of War Accounting Command (JPAC). JPAC specialists surveyed the area in August 1999, and in February 2002 excavated the site where they recovered remains and crew-related artifacts. The crash site was along Allen’s suspected flight path, and the aircraft was consistent with O-47A aircraft from the 39th Observation Squadron, their assigned unit. Additionally, the team recovered crew-related items at the site which helped confirm the identity of the airmen.
Scientists of JPAC and the Armed Forces DNA Identification Lab used mitochondrial DNA as one of the tools in the identification of the remains of Allen, Cartwright and Stubbs.
Of the 88,000 Americans missing in action from World War II, the Korean War, the Cold War, the Vietnam War, and Desert Storm, 78,000 are from World War II.
For additional information on the Department of Defense’s mission to account for missing Americans, visit the Defense Prisoner of War/Missing Personnel Office (DPMO) Website at http://www.dtic.mil/dpmo, or call (703) 699-1169.
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Please remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families.
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Scheduled Activities
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Alcoholics Anonymous meets at 8 p.m. Monday - Friday. At noon on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays and at 7 p.m. Sunday at 914 N. Vine
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Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m. Union Street Station. And YOU'RE invited. Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
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Columbia County Diabetes Support Group - Every third Monday, 7:00 p.m. room 222, Magnolia Hospital
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"Focus on the Family" with Dr. James Dobson weekday afternoons at 1 PM on KVMA am 630 it's a great show!
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MCC - Abraham Prayer - Sunday at 5:00 p.m and Wednesday from 11:30 am to 1:00 pm
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MCC - Early Morning Prayer - Monday - Friday, From 6:30 am to 8:00 am
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MCC - "Beth Moore" Video Class - Thursday nights at 5:45 pm
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MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets at 1051 Columbia 36 the second and fourth Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.
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MCC - Firm Foundations Class, Sunday 9:30 to 10:15 a.m
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MCC - Meadow Brook Nursing Home Ministry Tuesday from 10:00 to 11:00 a.m
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MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second. Call 234-3225 for reservations.
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MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
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MCC - Over comers: Fridays @ 7:00 p.m- Director, Traci Foster invites you to a 12 step Christian support program. For anyone with a life controlling problem. Child care is provided.
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Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
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Narcotics Anonymous 5-6 pm every Monday at 220 Pine street.
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TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) 5 pm every Tuesday in the Magnolia Hospital break room.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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"Fight till you win!" - - Mark Brazee
"Bring 'em on!" - -President George W. Bush
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." - - Paul Troquille
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed people can change the world; indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." - - Margaret Mead
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Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
James 1:2-4 Hosea 7:14-16 2 Th 1:11-12 Luke 19:29-32
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

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