Bug's Bleat - - GCF: New Checking Account

Volume 7, Issue 40

Hello All,

Our new Pastors, Terry & Lesley Walthall, started Sunday. We’re excited about them and God’s plans for Magnolia Christian Center.
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Our favorite movie of the year released today. "Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit"
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The Community fed the Rita and Katrina evacuees though Friday night. It’s a real inspiration to see community groups working together to help others.
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Both the “Right” and the “Left” seem to be up in arms over the nomination of Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court. We like her. She’s intelligent and Born Again.
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Our prayers are with the family of David Adamson, Taylor Fire Chief, who lost his battle with cancer Wednesday morning but never loose the joy that he WON the victory of LIFE.
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It’s coming . . . When We Change Our Clocks - Daylight Saving Time - Interested in when Daylight Saving Time is observed in the US and Europe. Check out this website for dates and interesting facts about Daylight Saving Time: http://webexhibits.org/daylightsaving/b.html
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Don't forget. The Steak and Bingo Dinner has been Rescheduled to Saturday October 22
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We extend our sincere sympathy to Richard Wood in the loss of his mother (and Danny Wood in the loss of his grandmother) on Wednesday evening.
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The Taylor Elementary School will be having a BBQ Dinner Fundraiser on Saturday, October 29, from 6-8 p.m. Dinners will be dine-in or take out at the Taylor Cafeteria and will be $6.00 each.
BBQ, Potato Salad, Baked Beans, Bread, Dessert, Drink
Please contact Joel McMahen at the West Plant or Brian Taylor (6358) at the South Plant.
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Last Friday, September 30, Pam Prince gave birth to a beautiful baby boy! He was 9 lbs and 20 inches long with dark hair and a sweet personality.
“We love him and forgave him immediately for not being a girl!!! He’s just what we wanted! His name is Benjamin Travis and I think we’ll call him Ben. It kinda fits him, I think. Thanks to those of you who have kept us in your prayers for so long concerning his birth. Please do continue to pray that I feel better. We’ll be leaving Kenya as soon as we can get his passport- probably late next week.”
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The Arkansas Governor’s Race has not yet heated up enough to get it on most residents “radar screens”. The leading Democrat, Mike Beebe, is running a lackluster campaign and the resignation of Republican Win Rockefeller from the race (due to health reasons) seems to have assured Beebe’s election unless something changes before next springs primaries.
http://www.lwv-arkansas.org/
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The Magnolia Lions Club will be serving a barbeque take-out supper on Tuesday, October 18 from 4:30 - 6:00 p.m. The meal will consist of ½ chicken, baked potato, coleslaw, and bread for $5.00. Meals are to be picked up at the Brookshire's parking lot. Please contact Billie Dadgar (ext. 6185, or 234-7080) for tickets.
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IDEAS AND SUGGESTIONS TO SAVE ON GAS

With the price of gas now approaching $3 / gallon and little relief in sight, the incentive to reduce fuel use is obviously growing. An interesting article on fuel-saving tips can be found at the web link below:

http://autos.msn.com/advice/article.aspx?contentid=4018909&src=LP%20pickups

In a nutshell, saving gas is accomplished one of two ways: Drive less or get better gas mileage. Carpooling to work and to school can save significant vehicle miles. Consider combining trips, particularly over the weekend when we're apt to travel more, and try to avoid peak traffic hours. Think about schools and shopping closer to home.
Be sure to keep up with the following car maintenance to maximize your mileage (rule-of-thumb intervals shown, see your car owner's manual for proper intervals):

Spark Plugs - inspect & replace as needed every 30K miles, if non-platinum
Spark Plugs - switch to platinum plugs for longer life & slight fuel efficiency increase
Plug Wires / Distributor Cap / Rotor - replace every 60K miles
Air Filter - clean & replace as needed every 25K miles
Fuel Filter - replace every 25 to 50K miles
Oxygen Sensor - test every 25K miles, replace at 50K miles
Air in Tires - check monthly & fill to max recommended pressure
Wheel Alignments - check for uneven tire wear monthly, realign at 25K miles
Synthetic Oil - double replacement interval and up to 5% fuel efficiency increase
Clean Out Trunk - unnecessary weight reduces mileage (approx 1 mpg lost per 200 pounds)

http://www.boschusa.com/AutoParts/FAQs/OxygenSensors/
http://www.boschusa.com/AutoParts/Promotions/GasCard/

Combined, the recommendations above can easily save as much as 50 - 100 gallons of gas or more, per year, per vehicle.
Other ways to maximize mileage include a more conservative driving style, avoiding sudden starts and sudden stops. Try to avoid situations where your car is idling for long periods of time, such as congested drive-throughs, waiting for children outside of school, and College Drive & Siegen Lane to name a few. Finally, as the time comes to consider a new vehicle, gas mileage will surely be an important criteria to take into account. Hybrid vehicles are growing in numbers and availability, and this trend is expected to accelerate given the forecasted gasoline situation.
Be aware that fuel costs are also going to begin affecting all of us at the store too, as the costs to distribute goods go up accordingly. If each of us takes meaningful steps towards fuel conservation we can help keep the cost of gasoline in check, as well as reduce the impact of auto emissions on our environment.

Hardin Wells - - Employees Helping Employees Team Lead
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Don't forget ... "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleatnew.blogspot.com
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Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
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www.aaa.com Regular Mid Premium Diesel
Current Avg. $2.920 $3.099 $3.213 $3.205
http://www.fuelgaugereport.com/
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Recipe(s) of the week - Cheese Grits Recipe courtesy Alton Brown, 2004
Show: Good Eats - Episode: True Grits - Difficulty: Easy - Prep Time: 5 minutes - Cook Time: 30 minutes - Yield: 4 servings


2 cups whole milk
2 cups water
1 ½ teaspoons kosher salt
1-cup coarse ground cornmeal
½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
4 tablespoons unsalted butter
4 ounces sharp Cheddar, shredded


Place the milk, water, and salt into a large, heavy-bottomed pot over medium-high heat and bring to a boil. Once the milk mixture comes to a boil, gradually add the cornmeal while continually whisking. Once all of the cornmeal has been incorporated, decrease the heat to low and cover. Remove lid and whisk frequently, every 3 to 4 minutes, to prevent grits from sticking or forming lumps; make sure to get into corners of pot when whisking. Cook for 20 to 25 minutes or until mixture is creamy.
Remove from the heat, add the pepper and butter, and whisk to combine. Once the butter is melted, gradually whisk in the cheese a little at a time. Serve immediately.

http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,1977,FOOD_9936_29048,00.html
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BreakPoint
With Chuck Colson

Smoking Out the Truth
What (Most) Stem-Cell Researchers Really Want
October 7, 2005

It was the kind of news that should have had scientists jumping for joy.

A few weeks ago, the journal Science announced a major breakthrough in stem-cell research: A Harvard research team had found a way to create embryonic-type stem cells without the need to create and kill embryos, raising all those moral questions.

This is tremendous news. Researchers have told us for years that embryonic stem cells are vitally important in the race to find cures for a host of diseases. And now, they have the means of creating embryonic-type stem cells that won’t kill human embryos—something most Americans object to. So why aren’t they breaking out the champagne? The probable reason, as Princeton Professor Robert George puts it, is “ominous.”

George, a member of the President’s Council on Bioethics, explains in the Weekly Standard that up to now, embryonic stem-cell advocates have claimed that they’re only interested in stem cells harvested from embryos at the blastocyst stage—that is, embryos five to six days old. They’ve claimed they’re not interested in implanting embryos, either in a woman’s uterus or in artificial wombs, in order to harvest cells, tissues, or organs at more advanced stages of development. “However,” George writes, “based on the literature I have read and the answers given by spokesmen for the biotechnology industry . . . I fear that the long-term goal is indeed to create an industry. . . . ”—an industry, that is, involving the harvesting of “late embryonic and fetal body parts for use in regenerative medicine and organ transplantation.”

This would, George writes, “explain why advocates of embryonic stem cell research are not cheering” over news of alternative sources of pluripotent stem cells—that is, cells that have the potential to develop into multiple types of mature cells. “If their real goal is fetus farming, then the cells produced by alternative methods will not serve their purposes,” George writes.

The dirty little secret of the stem-cell debate, you see, is that stem cells derived from embryos at the blastocyst stage are useless because they tend to generate tumors. Researchers know this. However, recent studies with animals reveal that the problem of tumor formation does not exist in cells taken when embryos have had several weeks or months to develop. This means that the real therapeutic potential lies in the practice of fetal farming. It means that “stem cells, tissues, and organs harvested from humans at, say, 16 or 18 or 21 weeks’ gestation could be used in the treatment of diseases.” Mind you, we’re talking about fetuses almost old enough to live outside the womb. Ghastly!

As George puts it, these developments have “smoked out the true objectives of at least some who have been leading the charge for embryonic stem cell research.” The question is, will we respect human life—or will we start creating and killing fetuses in order to harvest their organs?

I hope you’ll visit our website to find out how you can help stop the drive toward fetal farming. Because if we do nothing, the brave new world will soon be upon us—one in which human beings will be treated as just another farm animal.

For further reading and information:

Spend a year studying with Chuck Colson: Learn how to identify, advocate, and apply biblical truth in every arena of life. Apply for the 2006 Centurions Program. The deadline is November 15.

Gareth Cook and Carey Goldberg, “Harvard scientists advance cell work,” Boston Globe, 22 August 2005.

“Research at Harvard Stem Cell Institute suggests new strategy for making embryonic stem cells,” Harvard Stem Cell Institute, 22 August 2005.

Robert P. George, “Fetal Attraction: What the stem cell scientists really want,” Weekly Standard, 24 September 2005.

Robert P. George, “A moral impasse, a coming solution,” Philadelphia Inquirer, 25 September 2005.

Christine A. Scheller, “Ethics Interrupted,” Christianity Today, 29 September 2005.

BreakPoint’s “Bioethics in the Twenty-First Century” CD addresses biotechnology and its ethical implications, from stem-cell research to cloning to eugenics—a great resource for pastors, students, teachers, and all other citizens.

Learn more about bioethics at the Council for Biotechnology Policy website.

See BreakPoint’s information page on biotechnology issues.

http://www.pfm.org//AM/Template.cfm?Section=BreakPoint1
The BreakPoint Web site and BreakPoint WorldView Magazine feature Colson’s commentaries as well as feature articles by other established and up-and-coming writers to equip readers with a biblical perspective on a variety of issues and topics.
© 2004 Prison Fellowship.
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Words of the Week:
puerile: juvenile; childish.
nadir: the lowest point.
effulgence: the state of being bright and radiant.
inchoate: partly but not fully in existence or operation.
beneficence: the practice of doing good.
sempiternal: everlasting; eternal.
onus: burden; also, blame; stigma.
abstemious: temperate; abstinent; refraining from indulgence.
from Dictionary.Com

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"Secrecy, being an instrument of conspiracy, ought never to be the system of a regular government." - Jeremy Bentham

"Property may be destroyed and money may lose its purchasing power; but, character, health, knowledge and good judgment will always be in demand under all conditions." - Roger Babson

"Motivation will almost always beat mere talent." - Norman R. Augustine

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." - Aristotle

"The worst sin - perhaps the only sin - passion can commit, is to be joyless." - Dorothy L. Sayers

"To live in the presence of great truths and eternal laws, to be led by permanent ideals - that is what keeps a man patient when the world ignores him, and calm and unspoiled when the world praises him." - Honore De Balzac

"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit." - Albert Schweitzer

"Books are the bees which carry the quickening pollen from one to another mind." - James Russell Lowell

"It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult." - Seneca

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GCF: New Checking Account

Emailed to me from another humor list (You Make Me Laugh) -Tom To subscribe to You Make Me Laugh, send a blank email to: SUBSCRIBE-laugh@lists.crosswalk.com

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or visit the Good Clean Fun web site http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor/ Unsubscribe info for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2005 before it was sent.
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The teenage son was having trouble mastering the fine points of balancing his new checking account.

"The bank returned the check you wrote to the sporting goods store," his mother said.

"Oh good," he replied, "Now I can use it to buy some stereo equipment!"
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Tax Code

Emailed to me from another humor list (Marty's Joke of the Day) -Tom To subscribe to Marty's Joke of the Day, send a blank email to: martysjotd-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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The U.S. Tax Code is pretty complex, but sometimes there are little nuggets of clarity that really make sense. Yesterday in my class we read from the Internal Revenue Code.

Section 708(a) of the Internal Revenue Code states: "...an existing partnership shall be considered as continuing if it is not terminated."

I guess it's just like an individual shall be considered as alive if he or she is not dead.
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Executive Approval

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: Subscribe
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For many years I worked as a receptionist and switchboard operator at a busy company. After a good annual review, my supervisor told me I was up for a raise, pending approval of the vice president.

A month later, my supervisor called me into his office and told me the VP had refused to approve the raise. His reason? I clearly wasn't doing my job. Every time he saw me, I was either chatting with someone in the lobby or talking on the phone.
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Spelling Information

Emailed to me from another humor list (You Make Me Laugh) -Tom To subscribe to You Make Me Laugh, send a blank email to: SUBSCRIBE-laugh@lists.crosswalk.com
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"Hello, Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance Company."

"Would you spell that, please?"

"Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you."

"Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Leaky Roof

Emailed to me from another humor list (The Funnies) -Tom To subscribe to The Funnies, send a blank email to: andychaps_the-funnies-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over his dining room, so he called a repairman to take a look at it. "When did you first notice the leak?" the repairman inquired.

Mr. Gable scowled. "Last night, when it took me two hours to finish my soup!"
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Automated Phone Call

Emailed to me from another humor list (Marty's Joke of the Day) -Tom To subscribe to Marty's Joke of the Day, send a blank email to: martysjotd-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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As an administrative assistant at a chiropractic office, I called an insurance company to verify benefits for a patient. Although the call was important, I couldn't reach a human being, only a recording.

"Thank you for calling," said the message. "Our office will be closed until two o'clock as we enjoy our Customer Appreciation Week Celebration."
_ ____________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( / / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ _( (_ | http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor | _) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Growing old is mandatory, \ /
\ _/ but growing up is optional. \_ /
/ / \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Some common elements: \ /
\ _/ hydrogen, oxygen, stupidity... \_ /
/ / \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Trivia: The word "queueing" \ /
\ _/ is the only English word \_ /
/ / with five consecutive vowels. \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Winning isn't everything, \ /
\ _/ but losing sucks. \_ /
/ / \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I never repeat gossip, \ /
\ _/ so please listen carefully \_ /
/ / the first time. \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Hard work never killed anybody, \ /
\ _/ but why take a chance? \_ /
/ / \ _ ____________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( / / |tellswor@slonet.org | \ _( (_ | http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor | _) )_
_( (_ | *** Good Clean Fun *** | _) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_|Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/
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[GCFL.net] Iams Hot Line

"How many calories in a mouse?" and "What should I feed a borderline collie?" are just a few of the wacky questions that the Iams Pet Professionals have fielded from pet owners. Here are some of the team's favorite calls in recent years to 800-863-IAMS (4267):

* "My two-year-old daughter loves the taste of Iams -- is it okay for her to eat it?" -- mother, Staten Island, N.Y.

* "What's the best way to get superglue off my dog's paws?" -- dog owner, Arlington, Tex.

* "Can a dog get claustrophobia?" -- dog owner, Cambridge, Mass.

* "My dog growls in his sleep. Do you think he could have a vitamin B deficiency?" -- dog owner, Puyallup, Wash.

* "How can I get the secret recipe for your Iams Chunks dog food?" -- dog owner, Anchorage, Ak.

* "I think if my dog received mail, it would build his character. Can I register him on your mailing list?" -- dog owner, Richmond, Va.

* "Where can I get a six-toed cat?" -- cat owner, El Paso, Tex.

* "How do I potty train my pot belly pig?" -- pot belly pig owner, Vero Beach, Fla.

* "What's up with my cat? She looks at me strangely when I sing and dance for her." -- cat owner, New York, N.Y.

* "Is it normal for a dog to shed?" -- dog owner, Miami, Fla.

* "I have two new kittens and I don't want to leave them home alone. Can I carry them around in my gym bag?" -- new kitten owner, Brooklyn, N.Y.

* "How do I stop my cat from giving food to the dog?" -- pet owner, Ephrata, Wash.

* "My son just sold me a subscription to the Iams Your Cat magazine. But you tell me it's free?" -- concerned mom, Englewood, Ohio.

* "Will chewing pop cans remove enamel from my puppy's teeth?" -- puppy owner, Chico, Calif.

* "I raise worms -- the world's most perfect protein source. How about using them in your food?" -- worm farmer, Long Barn, Ohio.

* "How can I keep my cat from stealing my husband's toothbrush?" -- cat owner, Los Angeles, Calif.

* "I really like your paw print logo. Does Iams have a tattoo?" -- pet owner, North Tonawanda, N.Y.

"When these type of calls come in, it's hard to keep a straight face," says Sally Northcutt, manager of Customer Service, The Iams Company. "But we know that most of the time, we have a customer on the phone who is genuinely concerned for his or her pet. Our sole purpose is to help pet owners with their questions, so however strange those questions may seem, we try our best to answer them."

Received from ksullivan, with additions from Mikey's Funnies.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Middle Wife

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness, and usually show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.

"First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, oh, oh!'" Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the house for like an hour. 'Oh, oh, oh!'" Now the kid's doing this hysterical duck walk, holding her back and groaning. "My dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man.

"They got my mom to lie down in bed like this." Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall. "And then, pop! My mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!" This kid has her legs spread and with her little hands are miming water flowing away. It was too much!

"Then the middle wife starts saying, 'push, push' and 'breathe, breathe.' They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff; they all said was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there."

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow, and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along.

Received from Tami D.

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[GCFL.net] Date With A Waitress

A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date, but couldn't get her attention. When he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away. Finally he followed her into the kitchen and blurted out his invitation. To his amazement, she readily consented.

He said, "Why have you been avoiding me all this time? You wouldn't even make eye contact."

"Oh," said the waitress, "I thought you wanted more coffee."

Received from Clean-Laffs.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] For Sale

A real-estate agent was driving around with a new trainee when she spotted a charming little farmhouse with a hand-lettered "For Sale" sign out front.

After briskly introducing herself and her associate to the startled occupant, the agent cruised from room to room, opening closets and cupboards, testing faucets, and pointing out where a "new light fixture here and a little paint there" would help. Pleased with her assertiveness, the woman was hopeful that the owner would offer her the listing.

"Ma'am," the man said, "I appreciate the home-improvement tips and all, but I think you read my sign wrong. It says, 'HORSE for sale.'"

Received from Best of Humor.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] 2005 Edition-Redneck

You Know You're a Redneck When... (2005 Edition)

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
2. You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a flyswatter.
3. Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.
4. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
5. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
6. You offer someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
7. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
11. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas wish list.
12. You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
13. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
14. Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.
15. You think a hot tub is a stolen indoor plumbing fixture.
16. You took a fishing pole to Sea World.
17. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
18. You have a rag for a gas cap.
19. Your father executes the "Pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.
20. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
21. You can spit without opening your mouth.
22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
23. You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer quota.
24. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side.
25. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
26. You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.
27. You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.
28. You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.
29. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
30. Somebody tells you that you've got something in your
teeth and you take them out to see what it is.

Received from Bob Rundle.

(-:][:-)

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You know you live on the Gulf Coast when:

1. You have FEMA's number on your speed dialer.
2. You have more than 300 C and D batteries in your kitchen drawer.
3. Your pantry contains more than 20 cans of Spaghetti Os.
4. You are thinking of repainting your house to match the plywood covering your windows.
5. When describing your house to a prospective buyer, you say it has three bedrooms, two baths and one safe hallway.
6. Your SSN isn't a secret, it's written in Sharpie on your arms.
7. You are on a first-name basis with the cashier at Home Depot.
8. Gasoline is a rare commodity worth waiting in line for hours just to get 10 gallons.
9. You are delighted to be able to pay $3 for a gallon of regular unleaded.
10. The road leading to your house has been declared a No-Wake Zone.
11. You decide that your patio furniture looks better on the bottom of the pool.
12. You own more than three large coolers.
13. You can wish that other people get hit by a hurricane and not feel the least bit guilty about it.
14. You rationalize helping a friend board up by thinking "It'll only take a gallon of gas to get there and back".
15. You have 2-liter coke bottles and milk jugs filled with water in your freezer.
16. Three months ago you couldn't hang a shower curtain; today you can assemble a portable generator by candlelight.
17. You catch a 13-pound redfish. In your driveway.
18. You can recite from memory whole portions of your homeowner's insurance policy.
19. You consider a "vacation" to stunning Tupelo, Mississippi.
20. At cocktail parties, women are attracted to the guy with the biggest chainsaw.
21. You have had tuna fish more than 5 days in a row.
22. There is a roll of tar paper in your garage.
23. You can rattle off the names of three or more meteorologists who work at the Weather Channel.
24. Someone comes to your door to tell you they found your roof.
25. Ice is a valid topic of conversation.
26. Your "drive-thru" meal consists of MRE's and bottled water.
27. Relocating to South Dakota does not seem like such a crazy idea.
28. You spend more time on your roof then in your living room.
29. You've been laughed at over the phone by a roofer, fence builder or a tree worker.
30. A battery powered TV is considered a home entertainment center.
31. You don't worry about relatives wanting to visit during the summer.
32. Your child's first words are "hunker down"
33. Having a tree in your living room does not necessarily mean it's Christmas.
34. Toilet Paper is worth more than gold coins
35. You know the difference between the "good side" of a storm and the "bad side."
36. Your kids start school in August and finish in July.
37. You go to work early and stay late just to enjoy the air conditioning.

Thanks to Joe Tudor
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Welcome to You Make Me Laugh, a free newsletter from Crosswalk.com, the world's largest Christian website.
Today's Clean Laugh

Simple Operation

A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation. "What's the matter?" he was asked.

He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'"

"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"

"She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

"Eye Laugh"

The Guy Behind

http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=151

(-:][:-)

Eulogy

The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was.

Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children,

"Go up there and take a look in the coffin and see if that's your pa in there."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

"Eye Laugh"
Clown Angry
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=149

(-:][:-)

How Hot Is It?

How hot is it?

The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

The trees are whistling for the dogs.

The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

You can make sun tea instantly.

You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.

The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.

You discover that in August it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.

You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.

The cows are giving evaporated milk.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

"Eye Laugh"
Barbecue Grill
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=148

(-:][:-)

Memo Differences

Memo from Director General to Manager:

Today at 11 o'clock there will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the eclipse in the car park. Staff should meet in the car park at ten to eleven, when I will deliver a short speech introducing the eclipse, and giving some background information. Safety goggles will be made available at a small cost.

Memo from Manager to Department Head:

Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This will be followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will disappear for two minutes. For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles.

The Director General will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some background information. This is not something that can be seen every day.

Memo from Department Head to Floor Manager:

The Director General will today deliver a short speech to make the sun disappear for two minutes in the eclipse. This is something that can not be seen every day, so staff will meet in the car park at ten or eleven. This will be safe, if you pay a moderate cost.

Memo From Floor Manager to Supervisor:

Ten or eleven staff are to go to the car park, where the Director General will eclipse the sun for two minutes. This doesn't happen every day. It will be safe, but it will cost you.

Memo from Supervisor to staff:

Some staff will go to the car park today to see the Director General disappear. It is a pity this doesn't happen every day.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

"Eye Laugh"
5th Wheel
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=145

(-:][:-)

Political Correctness For Kids

Your bedroom isn't cluttered; it's "passage-restrictive."

Kids don't get in trouble anymore. They merely hit "social speed bumps."

You're not having a bad hair day; you're suffering from "rebellious follicle syndrome."

No one's tall anymore. They're "vertically enhanced."

You're not shy. You're "conversationally selective."

You don't talk a lot. You're just "abundantly verbal."

It's not called gossip anymore. It's "transmission of near-factual information."

The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful. It's "digestively challenged."

Your homework isn't missing; it's just having an "out-of-notebook experience."

You're not sleeping in class; you're "rationing consciousness."

You don't have smelly gym socks; you have "odor-retentive athletic footwear."

You weren't passing notes in class. You were "participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations."

You're not being sent to the principal's office. You're "going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

"Eye Laugh"
491 Times
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=126

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
Daily devotionals are available at http://link.Crosswalk.Com/UM/T.asp?A1. 39. 17757. 1. 494611 You can access more information on Crosswalk's Fun page http://www.Crosswalk.Com/fun/! Crosswalk gives credit to the author of a joke when author is known. Feel free to send notification to admin@cybersalt.org in cases where credit has not been given to the author! -SUBSCRIPTION INFO- * Copyright2004 Crosswalk.Com, Inc. and its Content Providers. All rights reserved. Introducing www.Crossguide.Com Where Christians find Products, Services & Ministries.
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"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.madkane.com/traveling_baggage_humor.html - - Traveling Baggage "Vacation travel. A time to relax, mellow out, let loose and forget your cares. To indulge yourself, boogie till dawn, gorge on gourmet fare. To spend an entire day shopping for a "must have" item you forgot to pack..."
http://www.madkane.com
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
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MyPyramid Food Guidance System - - http://mypyramid.gov/ - - This site by the U. S. Department of Agriculture provides information about the new food guide pyramid released in 2005. MyPyramid Plan can help you choose the foods and amounts that are right for you. For a quick estimate of what and how much you need to eat, enter your age, sex, and activity level in the MyPyramid Plan box. For a detailed assessment of your food intake and physical activity level, click on MyPyramid Tracker.
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Economic Statistics Briefing Room - - http://www.whitehouse.gov/fsbr/esbr.html - - This White House site provides easy access to current Federal economic indicators. It provides links to information produced by a number of Federal agencies. All of the information included in the Economic Statistics Briefing Room is maintained and updated by the statistical units of those agencies. All the estimates for the indicators presented in the Federal Statistics Briefing Rooms are the most currently available values.
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AOL: City Guide - - http://www.aolcityguide.com/ - - AOL City Guide has a finger on the pulse of this city, and cities around the nation: From New York restaurants to Las Vegas entertainment, Chicago real estate, Washington hotels, Florida weather, San Francisco theaters, Boston market and Los Angeles nightlife. You'll find the best local restaurants, hotels, entertainment, movies, concert tickets, events, weather, bars, nightlife, personals, and so much more.
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Career Center - - http://www.governing.com/career.htm - - Governing.com and CareerBuilder.com have partnered to bring you the best in job searching, resume posting and online recruiting. This site provides information for government jobs in the State, Local and Federal sectors.
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MedlinePlus: Mental Health Resources - - http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/mentalhealth.html - - This site by the U.S. National Library of Medicine and the National Institutes of Health and provides resources on most aspects of mental health: News, Symptoms, Treatments, Nutrition, Coping, Research, Statistics and many other issues.
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Internet Traffic Report - - http://www.internettrafficreport.com/main.htm - - The Internet Traffic Report monitors the flow of data around the world. It then displays a value between zero and 100. Higher values indicate faster and more reliable connections.
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The Healthy Refrigerator - - http://www.healthyfridge.org/ - - As cholesterol levels increase, most people are unaware that heart disease begins in childhood. This site is dedicated to providing heart-healthy tips for the entire family. Remember, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure!
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United Nations Statistics Division - - http://unstats.un.org/unsd/default.htm - - The Statistics Division compiles statistics from many international sources and produces global updates, including the Statistical Yearbook, World Statistics Pocketbook and yearbooks in specialized fields of statistics. It also provides to countries, specifications of the best methods of compiling information so that data from different sources can be readily compared.
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"Ten companies have won U.S. government approval to offer Medicare prescription drug benefits to seniors across the nation starting in January, health officials said on September 23, 2005. Several firms and organizations also will offer other options regionally. Residents of states such as Alaska will have at least 11 options, while up to 20 choices may be offered in larger states such as New York, officials said. The companies that received approval to offer plans nationally were Aetna Inc., Cigna Corp., Memberhealth Inc., PacifiCare Health Systems Inc., Caremark Rx Inc., Wellpoint Inc., UnitedHealth Group and Wellcare Health Plans Inc. The Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS) later announced Medco Health Solutions Inc. also was cleared to offer a nationwide plan." -
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"The number of overweight and obese people worldwide is set to increase by half over the next ten years, heightening their health risks, the World Health Organisation warned. Around one billion people are currently affected worldwide, and the figure is set to rise to 1.5 billion by 2015 if current trends continue, the WHO said ahead of annual World Heart Day. Excessive weight and obesity -- the next step up -- are major risk factors for cardiovascular disease, which is the number one cause of death worldwide, claiming more than 17 million lives a year. Long seen as a problem of the rich world, it is on the increase in poorer nations. The change is tied to a global shift in diet towards foods containing more fat, salt and sugar, said the WHO." -
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"File bankruptcy now - before the law changes! That's the message - or exhortation - that attorneys are making across the country, in TV commercials, print ads and mailings, urging Americans to seek bankruptcy court protection before a new law makes it harder for them to walk away from their debts. Debtors are responding. Counting down toward the Oct. 17 effective date for the biggest reform in U.S. bankruptcy law in a generation, personal bankruptcy filings have jumped this month to the highest on record. Filings averaged more than 9,000 per day, up roughly 50 percent from last year's average daily volume, during the first two weeks of September. The number is expected to keep climbing, reflecting a growing sense of urgency as the deadline nears." -
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"The nation's crime rate was unchanged last year, holding at the lowest levels since the government began surveying crime victims in 1973, the Justice Department reported. September 25, 2005. Since 1993, violent crime as measured by victim surveys has fallen by 57 percent and property crime by 50 percent. That has included a 9 percent drop in violent crime from 2001-2002 to 2003-2004. The 2004 violent crime rate - assault, sexual assault and armed robbery - was 21.4 victims for every 1,000 people age 12 and older. That amounts to about one violent crime victim for every 47 U.S. residents. By comparison, there were 22.6 violent crime victims per 1,000 people in 2003. The Bureau of Justice Statistics said the difference between the rates in 2003 and 2004 was statistically insignificant." -
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"Defying expectations, sales of previously owned homes rose in August to the second-highest level on record with home prices rising at the fastest pace in 26 years. The National Association of Realtors reported September 26 that sales of existing homes rose 2 percent in August to a seasonally adjusted annual rate of 7.29 million units, a sales pace that was exceeded only by an all-time high of 7.35 million units in June. Economists had been forecasting a slight decline, believing that the red-hot housing market was finally beginning to cool off. The strong demand pushed prices up to a record level of $220,000 last month, a gain of 15.8 percent from August 2004. That was the biggest 12-month increase since a 17.2 percent increase in July 1979."
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"Cholesterol-lowering drugs could help to prevent diabetics and people at high risk of heart disease from suffering a heart attack or stroke even if their cholesterol level is not high, scientists said on September 27, 2005. Millions of patients around the world are prescribed the drugs, known as statins, to reduce their cholesterol, but an international team of researchers said an even bigger group of people would benefit from the treatment. 'What we have shown is that the key thing is to find people who are at risk of coronary heart disease or stroke and treat them with a regimen that reduces LDL cholesterol substantially," said Dr Colin Baigent, an epidemiologist at Britain's Medical Research Council, who co-ordinated the study. LDL, or bad cholesterol, deposits fat in the arteries while HDL, or good cholesterol, carries it away." -
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"Illegal immigrants are increasing despite tighter border security and now outnumber foreigners moving to the United States legally. The Pew Hispanic Center reported Tuesday that immigration in general has been picking up, tracking the reviving American economy and improving jobs picture. 'The U.S. economy was obviously a very important factor in determining these flows,' said Roberto Suro, director of the center and a co-author of its study. Immigration - both legal and illegal - topped 1.5 million people in 1999 and 2000, according to the report. The number of people entering the United States then plummeted to 1.1 million people by 2003, the same level as in 1992. Immigration bounced back to 1.2 million in 2004, but the report cautioned that it is difficult to say whether the recent upswing is part of a new trend." -
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"There are 700,000 more millionaire households this year than in 2004, according to a survey released September 28, 2005. Households with a net worth of at least $1 million excluding primary residences rose 8 percent to a record high 8.9 million, according to an annual report by TNS Financial Services, a market research and polling firm. This is the third consecutive annual increase, although this year's growth rate is far more modest than the 33 percent increase seen in 2004. Interestingly, although the number of millionaire households grew, the averages among some of their primary investments were down. TNS found that there were fewer millionaire households who owned investment real estate this year than last, although real estate continued to be a staple in investment portfolios for many."
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|------------ Safety From The Heart ----------|
October 7, 2005
Use of Powered Chain Saws
Prepared by Baton Rouge Tower Employee, George Ricks
_________________________________

Hurricane Katrina left many people without water or power for an extended period of time. In additon, city and rural property owners were left with downed trees that had to be cut up and removed. There were so many trees on the ground, that many property owners felt it would be best for them to purchase a chain saw and do the removal themselves. Unfortunately, many of these people have never held, much less operated, a chain saw in their lives. There were so many people trying to purchase saws and related equipment in my area, that the local store owners could not keep equipment stocked. I stood in line for nearly an hour at a local equipment store to get a new chain and some oil for my saw. I observed a female customer purchase a brand new top of the line chain saw. After she purchased the saw, she asked the store owner to go outside with her and show her how to use it. I can't help but wonder how she faired with the saw. I was told by a parish police officer, working in the aftermath of the storm, that he knew of two 911 emergency incidents resulting from use of chain saws. In one case, the chain came off of the saw and ripped the users knee open. In the other case, the user basically severed his hand from his arm. I'm certain there are many more injuries from chain saw use that go unheard.

When you buy a chain saw, you not only acquire a very useful tool, but you also acquire the safety hazards that accompany its operation.

If you must use a powered chain saw, please follow these few safety tips and suggestions:

1. Read the instruction manual and follow the steps for operation and maintenance of your saw. Read and understand the safety section.
2. Wear protective clothing. A hard hat is recommended. Goggles will protect your eyes against flying debris. Wear hearing protectors. Leather gloves and hard-toe shoes may also protect from limbs that contact the chain.
3. Always use both hands to operate the saw, even if you feel your saw is light enough to operate with one hand.
4. Observe precautions in refueling and carrying the saw. Shut off the saw when carrying it from one tree to the next if working conditions are hazardous.
5. Do not operate the saw from a ladder or after climbing into a tree.
6. Do not operate the saw holding it above your head.
7. Do remove nails, wire, etc. from the tree trunk prior to cutting.
8. Do not wear slippery shoes or baggy clothing. Always pay special attention to your footing while running the saw.
9. Always have a first-aid kit handy. While cutting, have someone with you as an observer in case of an accident.
10. Do not get in a hurry. Do not get distracted. Keep focused on the immediate task at all times.
|------------ Safety From The Heart ----------|
October 7, 2005
FRIDAY'S EDITORIAL By The Orangeburg Times & Democrat Staff
_________________________________

THE ISSUE: Safer teenage driving

OUR OPINION: Parental involvement with advice, rules can make a difference

A set of wheels is every teen's dream, and if your child has recently acquired a driver's license, he or she is probably all revved up to drive to school this fall. But while your child is enjoying an exciting rite of passage, you're probably suffering through a rough patch of anxiety and worry.

Parents have a right to be concerned. Traffic accidents are the No. 1 killer of American teenagers (representing 39 percent of all teenage deaths), and teenagers have the highest crash risk of any age group (about four times higher than older drivers).

Why?

Inexperience and immaturity make young drivers far more likely to overestimate their driving ability while underestimating the dangers on the road-making them more likely to speed, tailgate, pass inappropriately, not wear their safety belts and succumb to peer pressure.

Any parent knows that total control of a teen's behavior is a pipe dream, but Autobytel Inc.'s "Take the Pledge" safe-driving campaign wants parents to know there are practical ways to help make your teen's "ride" considerably safer.

1. Don't assume driver education equals a safe, capable driver. Major studies reveal that high school driver ed. programs show little or no effect in reducing crashes. While it's safe to assume that driver ed. helps with basic driving skills and rules of the road, most are simply too short, offering too little behind-the-wheel hours of experience, to be more than a basic driving primer.

2. Combine driver ed. with a lot of parent-supervised driving practice. Research shows that when parents take an active role in their teen's driving education, their child's chances of being in a crash can be reduced by one-third. So invest the time and take an active, extended role in helping your teenager learn to drive. And remember, a crucial part of being a 'driving instructor' is setting a good example: Teens with crashes and traffic violations often have parents with bad driving records.

3. Know -- and enforce -- graduated licensing laws. Educate yourself on South Carolina's rules (log onto http://www.iihs.org/laws/state_laws/grad_license.htmlfor handy reference) and enforce them as family rules.

4. Restrict -- or ban -- night driving/weekend driving. The rate of fatal nighttime vehicle crashes is six times higher for teenage boys and three times higher for teen girls vs. their adult (30- to 59-year-old) counterparts. So set a household rule, or simply enforce the state's graduated licensing laws re: night driving, to prohibit teens from driving much later than 9 or 10. You should also strongly consider restricting weekend driving, given that last year 54 percent of all teen deaths occurred on Friday, Saturday or Sunday.

5. Restrict -- or ban -- letting kids drive around with friends. Nearly half of the crash deaths involving 16-year-olds took place when beginners were driving with fellow teen passengers. Lay down your own rules to limit social driving.

6. Restrict -- or ban -- teen cell phone use while driving. Drivers using phones are four times as likely to get into injury crashes ? and the consequences are more extreme for young drivers. Make the message loud and clear: No driving and talking.

7. When you choose a car for a teenager, invest in safety features. Roughly 90 percent of parents pass down a family vehicle, or purchase a used vehicle, for their teens. When choosing a vehicle, safety ? and safety features ? should be the top priority. A particular tip: Look for anti-lock brakes (standard in most late-model vehicles), which help young drivers maintain control during hard stops.

8. Draw up -- and display -- a teen-parent driver contract. A written pact creates an opportunity for your family to discuss, understand, and sign off on clear, ironclad safety rules with your child ? including enforced seat belt use, a zero-alcohol-tolerance policy, and rules for driving with friends, night driving, speeding, etc.

The S.C. Department of Public Safety has said it is essential for parents to take an active role in their teen's driving if the number of deaths is to be reduced. Consider the ways to get involved.
|------------ Safety From The Heart ----------|
October 6, 2005
Protecting Your Child From Choking
_________________________________

If children get food, small household items or toys caught in their throats or windpipes, they can choke and suffocate. Among children younger than age 1 who suffer injuries, choking causes the most deaths. Older children choke, too.

Top choking foods
Many choking injuries involve food. Children younger than age 4 do not have their molars and cannot chew well. Cut their food into pieces no larger than 1/2 inch. They can easily choke on:

Foods that swell when moist
? Apples and pears: Chop apples and firm fruits into bite-size pieces or cook them until soft.
? Hard candies: Candies swallowed whole can block the airway. Not for children younger than 4 years old.
? Popcorn: Popcorn is easy for kids to choke on. Not for children younger than 4 years old.

Small, round, firm foods that slip easily down the throat ? Peanuts and other nuts: More children choke on peanuts than any other item. Do not give nuts to children younger than 4 years old.
? Grapes: Cut grapes in half. Do not give raisins to children younger than 2 years old. Two-to 4-year-olds can be given plump, moist raisins or those in pudding or bread. Take the pits out of cherries.
? Hotdogs: Cut a hotdog lengthwise at least once, then cut it crosswise. If you slice a hotdog into circles, the pieces still may be large enough to choke your child. Chunks of meat and cheese also can harm young children.
? Raw vegetables: Shred carrots and other raw vegetables or cook them until mushy.
Foods that are stringy or sticky
? Celery: Remove the stringy outside layer of celery with a peeler. Cut up celery before serving.
? Peanut butter: The safest way to eat peanut butter is to spread a thin layer on bread. Serve it with a beverage. Never let children eat it off a spoon.

Children of any age should sit down to eat. They should never walk around, play or lie down while eating.

Texas Children's Center for Childhood Injury Prevention
http://www2.texaschildrenshospital.org/internetarticles/uploadedfiles/194.pdf
|------------ Safety From The Heart ----------|
October 5, 2005
Flooding Facts
Today's Message is from Chet StRomain (a Houston Albemarle employee).
_________________________________
With the threats from Rita & Katrina, here are some flooding facts you might find interesting. The info came from - www.floodsmart.gov - a nice resource that shows flooding maps and has lots of info on flood facts and statistics.

If you don't have flood insurance & intend to buy some, don't wait till the last minute.......your policy does not take effect until 30 days after you purchase the policy.

Did you know...

Every year, flooding causes more than $2 billion of property damage in the U.S.

In a high risk area, your home has a 26% chance of being damaged by a flood during the course of a 30-year mortgage, compared to a 9% chance of fire.

Roughly 25% of all claims paid by the NFIP are for policies in low- to moderate-risk communities.
|------------ Safety From The Heart ----------|
October 4, 2005
Today's Safety From the Heart message is from Dale Mann.
_________________________________
We talk of proper communication all the time. Without proper communication we can't work safely or be productive. Ambrose Bierce wrote a dictionary in 1880 which really sets the tone for miscommuniciation. Following are a few examples of The Devil's Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce, some of which we use every day.

Responsibility, n, A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbor

Positive, adj. Mistaken at the top of one's voice

Plan, v. To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result

Obsolete, adj. No longer used by the timid

Labor, n. One of the processes by which A acquires property for B

Understanding, n. A cerebral secretion that enables one having it to know a house from a horse by the roof on the house

Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance

Patience, n. a minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue

Litigation,n. A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage

Liar, n. A lawyer with a roving commission

Hearse, n. Death's baby carriage

Friendship, n. A ship big enough to carry two in fair weather, but only one in foul

Egotist,n. A person of low taste, more interested in themselves than me

Bride,n. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her

Brute,n. See HUSBAND

Brandy,n. A cordial composed of one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave and four parts clarified Satan

Abstainer,n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure

Homeopathy,n. A school of medicine midway between Allopathy and Christian Science. To the last both the others are distinctly inferior, for Christian Science will cure imaginary diseases, and they cannot

Cynic,n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking out a cynic's eyes to improve his vision

Deluge,n. A notable first experiment in baptism which washed away the sins (and sinners) of the world

Birth,n. The first and direst of all disasters
|------------ Safety From The Heart ----------|
September 30, 2005
OPENING DOORS SLOWLY
_________________________________

Please remember to open all doors slowly. Here at BRT we have a lot of people traveling between floors by using the stairs. Remember when you open the door entering the stairwell there may be someone on the other side. Rushing into the stairwell may cause the person on the other side to jump out of the way and into danger (falling down the stairs). If using the stairs, give yourself enough time so that you do not forget to SCAN.

Ann Oxford - Albemarle Corporation
ann_oxford@albemarle.com
225/388-8111 phone - 225/388-7046 fax
|------------ Safety From The Heart ----------|
September 29, 2005
This poem was written by Don Merrell of J.R. Simplot Company.
_________________________________

My Brother's Keeper

But I didn't want to seem a fool,
Or argue over a safety rule.
I knew he'd done the job before,
If I called it wrong, he might get sore.

The chances didn't seem that bad,
I've done the same, He knew I had.
So I shook my head and walked on by,
He knew the risks as well as I.

He took the chance, I closed my eye,
And with that act, I let him die.
I could have saved a life that day,
But I chose to look the other way.

Now every time I see his wife,
I'll know, I should have saved his life.
That guilt is something I must bear,
But it isn't something you need share.

If you see a risk that others take,
That puts their health or life at stake.
The question asked, or thing you say,
Could help them live another day.

If you see a risk and walk away,
Then hope you never have to say,
I could have saved a life that day,
But I chose to look the other way.

Don Merrell
J.R. Simplot Company
|------------ Safety From The Heart ----------|
September 28, 2005
Today's Message is from Charlie Phillips (a Houston Albemarle employee).
_________________________________

Safety-Planning-Training

This is a routine practice for us at work on the plant. Hurricane Rita has made us realize this should also be a routine practice in our Family Life at home. How much better we would have been prepared to protect our loved ones.
|------------ Safety From The Heart ----------|
September 27, 2005
_________________________________

Here is a Safety from the Heart that Chris Boudreaux sent yesterday. Chris was an intern with the Technology group this summer. His parents live around Gulfport, Mississippi. He goes to school at LSU, and he has more family south of Lafayette. His note is about Hurricane Katrina. (Photos are posted on the Orangeburg Lotus Notes Employee Communications Bulletin Board.)

Hello Everyone,

I have been in touch with a few of you from Orangeburg these past couple of weeks. I greatly appreciate your concerns and am honored to have worked with you this past summer. My family is OK and they are receiving tremendous support from neighboring states and the Red Cross. The Red Cross comes by at least every other day to drop off cleaning supplies, food and water. Power companies from all around the nation have sent crews and equipment and have restored power on the Mississippi Gulf Coast in half of the anticipated time. Here at LSU, the campus was turned into an emergency care facility with helicopters and ambulances bringing in patients from southeastern Louisiana. I have been going home the past couple weekends to help my father gut the house. We had eight feet of water in the house; consequently everything got destroyed. Unfortunately with everyone in need in the area, it will take up to a year to rebuild. We were hit hard again yesterday by Hurricane Rita. My camp and close family reside south of Lafayette, Louisiana and I have yet to speak to anyone. These are trying times, so please do not cringe when you see my transcript for this semester.

I have learned a great deal from these two devastating storms that have hit close to home. First of all, do not be macho and think you can stick out a dangerous storm. Heed the warnings and get out. Many people in Mississippi died because they thought they could stick out the storm because their homes made it through Hurricane Camille. Also, you never know when a disaster could hit so be prepared. This includes fires and flooding not caused by natural disasters. Make sure you have emergency exits established in your home in case of such unfortunate events. Keep plenty of nonperishable food, water, batteries, flashlights, and first aid kits. The storms did not hit near Baton Rouge, but food and supplies were scarce because trucks containing them were diverted to devastated areas. Keep important receipts in a waterproof bag inside a fireproof box. This will help expedite the insurance claim on your home and property. Material objects can be replaced, so keep you and your family as safe as possible.

Respectfully,

Chris Boudreaux
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TOURBUS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -:) - :)- :)
Volume 11, Number 16 -- 06 October 2005
Tourbus Home - http://www.TOURBUS.com
Best of Tourbus -- http://tourbus.com/best.html

+---------------------------------------+

TODAY'S TOURBUS TOPICS: Erasing Your Tracks / Linux
Did you know that your own personal computer is watching you while you surf the web, keeping a detailed log of when and where you go on the Internet? Should you be afraid? Read on...

------------------------
"Cleanup in Aisle 451"
------------------------

Yes, it's true. Every time you visit a website, your browser makes an entry in a log file with the address, date and time of the visit. It even knows how often you visit your favorite sites. And did you know that the text and pictures from every web page you view are stashed away on your hard drive, even if you close your browser and disconnect from the Net?

If you're concerned about nosy "neighbors" getting access to your web browsing history, you'll be relieved to know that the storage of all this information is under your control. There are ways to wipe your browsing history, but even if you're a seasoned internaut, you may be leaving a crumb trail. Read this article and learn how to protect your privacy and remove every trace of your online activity.

http://www.askbobrankin.com/clearing_browser_history.html

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Saving Word Files as Web Pages
--------------------------------

Did you know that Microsoft Word can save a document as a web page? Word tries hard to make the web page look exactly like the Word file, but the resulting HTML file is a bloated monster that sometimes causes problems when displayed with a web browser. Here's a solution to that problem...
http://www.askbobrankin.com/saving_word_files_as_html.html

-----------------------------
What's the Deal With Linux?
-----------------------------

A reader asked me "I've heard that Linux is an alternative to the Microsoft Windows operating system, but where did it originate, why is it free, and how can I learn more about it?"

As it happens, I wrote a book on that very subject. And recently I put the entire text of "The No BS Guide to Linux" online at

http://www.LowFatLinux.com

It's a tutorial about Linux, a free alternative to running Windows. I created this website for people who want to learn the basics of using Linux, without getting bogged down in all the technobabble. You'll find plain-English information here about using Linux on a personal computer or on a shell account provided by your Internet Service Provider. Check it out and let me know what you think!

----------------------------
How Safe Is Your Computer?
----------------------------

Did you know... a survey conducted by the National Cyber Security Alliance (NCSA) and backed by the US Department of Homeland Security found that more than 70% of computer owners falsely believed they were safe from online threats such as adware, spyware and viruses?

The truth is, it's easy to get infected without even knowing it.
Downloading free software or visiting tainted Web pages can often infect your computer. What's an unsuspecting computer owner to do? No need to worry - you can take steps to eliminate this false sense of security by taking a few precautions to protect yourself. And Smart Computing can help. Sign up for your 3 RISK-FREE ISSUES now!

http://www.tourbus.com/smart.htm

That's all for now, see you next time! -- Bob Rankin

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==[ Tourbus Rider Information ]==
The Internet Tourbus - U.S. Library of Congress ISSN #1094-2238
Copyright 1995-2005, Rankin & Crispen - All rights reserved
Tourbus News Service - http://tourbus.com/news.html
Subscribe, Signoff, Archives, Free Stuff and More at the
Tourbus Website - http://www.TOURBUS.com
========================
.~~~. ))
(\__/) .' ) )) Patrick Douglas Crispen
/o o \/ .~
{o_, \ { crispen@netsquirrel.com
/ , , ) \ http://www.netsquirrel.com/
`~ -' \ } )) AOL Instant Messenger: Squirrel2K
_( ( )_.'
---..{____} Warning: squirrels.
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Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ.
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Target Continues Ban on Salvation Army, Adds Sex Toy Products

Target Corporation will continue to ban the Salvation Army from their 1,351 stores this Christmas season. The Army will not be allowed to place their red kettles in front of Target stores.

Despite increased need caused by the hurricanes Katrina and Rita, Target continues to bar the Salvation Army.

Many observers feel that the ban by Target is a result of pressure put on the company by homosexual groups. Homosexual activists have targeted the Salvation Army for years because of the Army's refusal to recognize their lifestyle. Target is a supporter of various homosexual causes.

While Target contributes to homosexual groups, the company publicly states that they will not contribute to any religious groups. For Target, homosexual organizations are worthy of financial support, Christian and Jewish organizations are not.

Further showing Target's true colors, WTOP Radio Network in Washington, DC, reports that Target is one of the national chains that will be carrying a new line of women's products that includes a vibrator.

Elexa by Trojan spokeswoman Cassandra Johnson says the products will be discreetly packaged and sold in the feminine care aisle.

"Formerly the domain of sex shops, such products have been brought out of the shadows by popular television shows like 'Sex and the City,'" WTOP reported.

While Target continues to ban the Salvation Army, competitors such as Wal-Mart are increasing their donations to the Salvation Army. Wal-Mart and others continue to welcome the Army's kettles.

Please send an email asking Target to end their ban of the Salvation Army and their offering of a sex toy line of products. In addition, you can email Wal-Mart, thanking them for supporting the Salvation Army.

Send Your Email To Target and Wal-Mart Now! - - http://www.afa.net/petitions/signpetition.asp?id=1430
Please help us spread this important information about Target by forwarding this to your friends and family.

Sincerely,

Donald E. Wildmon, Founder and Chairman
American Family Association
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Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Mr. Common Sense.

Mr. Sense had been with us for many years. No one know for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that live isn't always fair. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you ern) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kinds, are in charge).

His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intentioned but overbearding regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for u sing mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Mr. Sense declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student, but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment that their victims.

Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, she spilled a bit in her lap, and was awarded a hugh financial settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife Discretion: his daughter, Responsibility: and his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers, My Rights and Ima Whiner. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

If you still remember him, pass this on.

Thank to Waneta Reardon
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TGIF-Today God Is First


The Need to Control
-----------------------
Monday, October 03, 2005
by Os Hillman

''You acted foolishly,'' Samuel said.... ~ 1 Samuel 13:13

The prophet Samuel had anointed Saul the first king of Israel. Saul was now 30 years old and was leading the nation in battle against the Philistines. The Philistines had gathered at Micmash to come against Saul and his army. The Lord was directing Saul through the prophet Samuel. Samuel instructed Saul to go ahead of him to Micmash, and he would follow in seven days. He would then offer a burnt offering on behalf of the people of Israel.

The pressure began to build as the Philistines gathered around Micmash preparing for battle. The people of Israel grew fearful and began to scatter throughout the countryside. Saul was also afraid. Samuel did not show up on the morning of the seventh day. Finally, Saul, fearing the impending attack, took it upon himself to offer the burnt offering. After he had done this, Samuel showed up.

..."You have not kept the command the Lord your God gave you; if you had, He would have established your kingdom over Israel for all time. But now your kingdom will not endure; the Lord has sought out a man after His own heart and appointed him leader of His people, because you have not kept the Lord's command" (1 Samuel 13:13-14).

Saul believed he needed to take control of the situation. Whenever we try to take control of a situation out of God's will, we demonstrate that we are led by fear. Many a boss is so driven by fear that he attempts to manage by over controlling his people. This results in codependent relationships in which the employees are fearful of making the wrong decisions, and are driven to please the manager at all costs. This results in loss of respect for the manager. Many times the employees make poor choices just to please their manager; as a result, resentment begins to build among the employees due to the manager's over control.

Do you see any signs of over control in how you relate to others? Can you allow others the freedom to fail?
Do you find yourself changing directions in midstream when you see something you don't like? Are you fearful of failure?
These are all symptoms of a Saul-control spirit. Pray that God will allow you to walk in the freedom of trusting in Him and those around you.

-=+=-

Copyright 2005. www.MarketplaceLeaders.org
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To contact Os Hillman, request reprint permission, or to book Os to speak in your town write to os@marketplaceleaders.org. Marketplace Leaders Website: http://www.marketplaceleaders.org/ Copyright 2005
--------------------------------------------------
Please recommend this TGIF daily devotional to everyone interested in applying their faith to their worklife. Tell them to subscribe at http://www.TodayGodIsFirst.com

Os Hillman Copyright 2005
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Activities and Events of Interest
~~~
Springhill Lumberjack Festival - October 7 & 8
Springhill La. is having their annual Lumberjack Festival Oct 7 & 8. Activities will run from noon Friday through late Saturday. There will be arts/crafts booths, food booths and live music throughout that period. Parade will be Saturday at 10:00 AM. Antique tractors and cars will be in the parade among other things. The professional Lumberjack Contest will begin noon Saturday. Car show will begin at 9:00 AM Saturday as will Antique Tractor and Engine Show and will continue until 3:00 PM.
~~~
HazWOpER Awareness Level (with Emergency Response Guidebook Instruction) CCAS October 11 @ 6:00 pm
~~~
Health Fair - Thursday, October 13, 2005 in the Maintenance Complex Communications Room.
~~~
Steak and Bingo Dinner Rescheduled - October 22
~~~
The Emancipation Proclamation will be on display at the Clinton Library September 22-25, 2007.
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"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/

01. Sgt. 1st Class James J. Stoddard Jr., 29, of Crofton, Md., died in Afghanistan on Sept. 30, when his vehicle accidentally rolled over. Stoddard was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 504th Parachute Infantry Regiment, Fort Bragg, N.C.

02. Staff Sgt. John G. Doles, 29, of Claremore, Okla., died in Shah Wali, Afghanistan, on Sept. 30, during patrol operations when his unit was attacked by enemy forces using rocket-propelled grenades and small arms fire. Doles was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 508th Infantry Regiment, Vicenza, Italy.

03. Cpl. John R. Stalvey, 22, of Conroe, Texas, died Oct. 3 from an improvised explosive device while conducting combat operations against enemy forces during Operation Iron Fist in Karabilah, Iraq. He was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 6th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

04. Sgt. Marshall A. Westbrook, 43, of Farmington, N.M., died in Baghdad, Iraq, on Oct. 1, when an improvised explosive device detonated near his HMMWV. Westbrook was assigned to the Army National Guard's 126th Military Police Company, Albuquerque, N.M.


05. Staff Sgt. Sean B. Berry, 26, of Mansfield, Texas, died in Taqaddum, Iraq, on Oct. 3 of non-combat related injuries. Berry was assigned to the Army National Guard's 2nd Battalion, 112th Armor, 56th Brigade Combat Team, Fort Worth, Texas.

06. Pfc. Andrew D. Bedard, 19, of Missoula, Mont., died Oct. 4 from an improvised explosive device while conducting combat operations against enemy forces in Ar Ramadi, Iraq. Bedard was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 7th Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Twentynine Palms, Calif. During Operation Iraqi Freedom, his unit was attached to 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force (Forward).

07. Spc. Joshua J. Kynoch, 23, of Santa Rosa, Calif., died in Bayji, Iraq, on Oct. 1, when an improvised explosive device detonated near his M2A2 Bradley Fighting Vehicle during convoy operations. Kynoch was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 7th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Infantry Division, Fort Stewart, Ga.

08. Sgt. Larry W. Pankey Jr., 34, of Morrison, Colo., died at Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington, D.C., on Oct. 3, of non-combat related injuries sustained in Balad, Iraq, on Sept. 23. Pankey was assigned to the Army Reserve's 467th Engineer Battalion, Greenwood, Miss.

09. Staff Sgt. Jens E. Schelbert, 31, of New Orleans, La., died in Ar Ramadi, Iraq, on Oct. 1, when his forward operating base was attacked by enemy forces using indirect fire. Schelbert was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 69th Armor Regiment, 3rd Brigade, 3rd Infantry Division, Fort Benning, Ga.

The Department of Defense announced the death of three soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died in Al Haqlaniyah, Iraq, on Oct. 3, when an improvised explosive device detonated near their HMMWV during combat operations. The soldiers were assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 504th Parachute Infantry Regiment, 82nd Airborne Division, Fort Bragg, N.C. Killed were:
10. Sgt. Bryan W. Large, 31, of Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio.
11. Spc. Jacob T. Vanderbosch, 21, of Vadnais Heights, Minn.
12. Pfc. Roberto C. Baez, 19, of Tampa, Fla.

13. Petty Officer 2nd Class Brian K. Joplin, 32, of Hugo, Okla., was killed Oct. 4, when he fell out of a U.S. Navy MH-53 helicopter during a regularly scheduled training mission in the Central Arabian Gulf. Joplin was assigned to Helicopter Mine Countermeasures Squadron 15, based in Corpus Christi, Texas.

14. Spc. Jeremiah W. Robinson, 20, of Mesa, Ariz., died in Baghdad, Iraq, on Oct. 6, of injuries sustained there on Oct. 5, when an improvised explosive device detonated near his HMMWV during convoy operations. Robinson was assigned to the Army National Guard's 860th Military Police Company, Phoenix, Ariz.
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Please remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families.
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Scheduled Activities
~~~
Alcoholics Anonymous meets at 8 p.m. Monday - Friday. At noon on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays and at 7 p.m. Sunday at 914 N. Vine
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Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m. Union Street Station. And YOU'RE invited. Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
~~~
Columbia County Diabetes Support Group - Every third Monday, 7:00 p.m. room 222, Magnolia Hospital
~~~
"Focus on the Family" with Dr. James Dobson weekday afternoons at 1 PM on KVMA am 630 it's a great show!
~~~
MCC - Abraham Prayer - Sunday at 5:00 p.m and Wednesday from 11:30 am to 1:00 pm
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MCC - Early Morning Prayer - Monday - Friday, From 6:30 am to 8:00 am
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MCC - "Beth Moore" Video Class - Thursday nights at 5:45 pm
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MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets at 1051 Columbia 36 the second and fourth Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.
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MCC - Firm Foundations Class, Sunday 9:30 to 10:15 a.m
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MCC - Meadow Brook Nursing Home Ministry Tuesday from 10:00 to 11:00 a.m
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MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second. Call 234-3225 for reservations.
~~~
MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
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MCC - Over comers: Fridays @ 7:00 p.m- Director, Traci Foster invites you to a 12 step Christian support program. For anyone with a life controlling problem. Child care is provided.
~~~
Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
~~~
Narcotics Anonymous 5-6 pm every Monday at 220 Pine street.
~~~
TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) 5 pm every Tuesday in the Magnolia Hospital break room.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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"Fight till you win!" - - Mark Brazee
"Bring 'em on!" - -President George W. Bush
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." - - Paul Troquille
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed people can change the world; indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." - - Margaret Mead
~~~~~
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
Luke 8:11 James 1:2-4 1 Cor 15:57-58 Acts 15:1-2 Prov 8:6-12
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E-mail at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. For the "Blog" version just go to http://www.bugsbleat4q.blogspot.com/ to see the latest issue. This week, "Word" and "PDF" subscribers get to see photos of Benjamin Travis Prince and more of my favorite people.
Let us hear from you if we can switch you over to the "Word" or "PDF" version of "Da Bleat".
If you'd prefer to read "Da Blog" version, just drop us a note at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com and we'll switch you from e:mail delivery to "Da Bleat" Blog. Of course "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://www.bugsbleat4q.blogspot.com to see the latest issue (usually updated sometime Friday evening or Saturday morning. We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2005 before it was sent.
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