Bug's Bleat - - GCF: CD Player

Volume 7, Issue 52

Hello All,

This week, Annette went to bless a friend who’s been having problems. She came back and reported that this Christian had given her much more than she had brought to them.
There are a lot of people we know that you can’t out give.
~~~~~
We’ve got friends in the hospital here and in Texarkana. Please join us in praying for GiGi Baucum, Traci Bailey and Janet Hale.
~~~~~
Check out Magnolia Christian Centers new web page at www.mcc2000.net
~~~~~
Cheryl Anne Brandt Prince and Sister Fannie Mohon passed away this week. Sister Fannie was 91 years old and had been unable to visit us at church for a long time. But we’ll still miss her.
~~~~~
Cheryl was only 59. When I started writing this, I thought it would be an emotional story of Annette and my friendship with Cheryl, Royce and their kids. But after the celebration service this afternoon, I have to share that Cheryl lived a Christian life and is waiting for us in Heaven.
Vanessa reminded me that Cheryl was her Sunday School Teacher. When we first started Magnolia Christian Center, Cheryl, Annette and I, Sondra Eiler and Terry Benefield, piled into Cheryl’s purple “Passion Pit” van (it had 2" thick shag carpeting in the back) and headed to Tulsa to train under Willie George. We returned with an “Oogene” puppet and a conviction that young children could be taught to accept the Lord and walk strong in the Word.
That was my first trip to Tulsa. My first experience with the Indian Nation Toll Road. We stayed with some student friends of Terry’s and they had this strange type of cable TV that had a “box” on top of the TV.
Today, Cheryl was eulogized as “a character”, “eccentric”, as well as loving, and eternally young. True to form, her funeral was a Celebration with a large crowd of friends and family as well as some VIPs (Susan McDougal and Dr. Joycelyn Elders to name a couple.)
Her service was highlighted by the piano playing of Walter Hale, the singing of Kara Wimblerly John Henley and Annette. Messages by Brother Paul Troquille, G. C. Kirksey and Cheryl’s nephew Bo Prince.
We miss Cheryl, but we can’t help but know that she’s having a “ball” in Heaven.
~~~~~
Jamie Kirkpatrick's lost everything when his mobile home was destroyed by fire

If you have anything that Jamie could use, including cash donations, please contact Eric Eades, Greg Borne, or Laurel Becnel.

Sizes: Jamie - Shirt XL, Pants Waist 34 or 36 Length 32, Shoes 9 ½ or 10
Sara - Age 7, Clothes 6x
~~~~~
We received this message from Mindy (Phillips) Lawrence this week

My youngest son, Grant, is back in Iraq for his second tour of duty. He's SGT. Grant Lawrence this time around so has more responsibility. He also has a brand new daughter who was born August 17th. Her name is Cassidy Joyce, but they call her C.J.

My other son, Daniel, is now a certified EMT/Firefighter working right now as a security guard until a position comes open for him in St. Louis. He ALSO had a baby girl on September 21th. Her name is Kyleigh.

That makes ME a double grandmother ~ Two grand kids within three weeks of one another. They are both beautiful.

I under contract to write a book on Iraqi Freedom Veterans for Red Engine Press. It's going slower than I wanted it to but I will get it done. My second book, one I co-authored, came out in October 2005. It's called THE COMPLETE WRITER. I am now doing some speaking engagements and book signing for it in the St. Louis area.

You guys have a wonderful New Year. I think 2006 will be outstanding. I'm looking forward to it.
~~~~~
Got this from a friend of mine at church. With that, I want to wish you a
very Merry Christmas.

Richard and Cassie


YOU CAN'T STEAL MY CHRISTMAS
Poem by Sharon Steege

I don't know who they are
Saying I can't greet the crowd
The way that I want to
Can't say CHRISTMAS out loud.

I walk into a business place
See things that I rather not see
But dare I not say CHRISTMAS
And ask for a "holiday" tree.

What happened to freedom of speech
And living in the land of the free
How can they take my CHRISTMAS money
But can't say MERRY CHRISTMAS to me.

Men and women have given their lives
So we could still go free
I wonder how they would feel
At saying "HOLIDAY" TREE.

Come on AMERICA let's wake up
Don't let our freedom escape
If they get by with doing this
What else will they take.

This is starting to get out of hand,
And I've begun to keep track
Well I've just about had enough
I'M TAKING CHRISTMAS BACK.

So MERRY CHRISTMAS AMERICA
I hope this gets all over the net
If we all stand united and take freedom back
'Twill be our best CHRISTMAS YET!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY

AMEN AMEN & AMEN

Thanks to Richard Matherne

~~~~~
We have enjoyed the redneck jokes for years. It's time to take a reflective look at the core beliefs of a culture that values home, family, country and God.
If I had to stand before a dozen terrorists who threaten my life, I'd choose a half dozen or so red necks to back me up. Tire irons, squirrel guns and grit -- that's what red necks are made of. I hope I am one of those.

If you feel the same, pass this on to your redneck friends. y’all know who ya' are...

You might be a redneck if: It never occurred to you to be
offended by the phrase, "One nation, under God."

You might be a redneck if: You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.

You might be a redneck if: You still say "Christmas" instead of "Winter Festival."

You might be a redneck if: You bow your head when someone prays.

You might be a redneck if: You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.

You might be a redneck if: You treat Viet Nam vets with great respect, and always have.

You might be a redneck if: You've never burned an American flag.

You might be a redneck if: You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.

You might be a redneck if: You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same.

You might be a redneck if: You'd give your last dollar to a friend.

If you got this email from me, it is because I believe that you, like me, have just enough Red Neck in you to have the same beliefs as those talked about in this email.

God Bless the USA!
Git 'er done!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks to Waneta Reardon
~~~~~
Don't forget ... "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleat4q.blogspot.com
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
www.aaa.com Regular Mid Premium Diesel
Current Avg. $2.190 $2.325 $2.410 $2.551
http://www.fuelgaugereport.com/
~~~~~
Recipe(s) of the week - Baked French Toast Casserole with Maple Syrup Recipe courtesy Paula Deen

Show: Paula's Home Cooking
Episode: Spring Brunch
Recipe Summary
Difficulty: Easy
Prep Time: 20 minutes
Inactive Prep Time: 8 hours
Cook Time: 40 minutes
Yield: 6 to 8 servings



1 loaf French bread (13 to 16 ounces)
8 large eggs
2 cups half-and-half
1-cup milk
2 tablespoons granulated sugar
1-teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4-teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4-teaspoon ground nutmeg
Dash salt
Praline Topping, recipe follows
Maple syrup


Slice French bread into 20 slices, 1-inch each. (Use any extra bread for garlic toast or breadcrumbs). Arrange slices in a generously buttered 9 by 13-inch flat baking dish in 2 rows, overlapping the slices. In a large bowl, combine the eggs, half-and-half, milk, sugar, vanilla, cinnamon, nutmeg and salt and beat with a rotary beater or whisk until blended but not too bubbly. Pour mixture over the bread slices, making sure all are covered evenly with the milk-egg mixture. Spoon some of the mixture in between the slices. Cover with foil and refrigerate overnight.
The next day, preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

Spread Praline Topping evenly over the bread and bake for 40 minutes, until puffed and lightly golden. Serve with maple syrup.


Praline Topping:
½ pound (2 sticks) butter
1 cup packed light brown sugar
1 cup chopped pecans
2 tablespoons light corn syrup
½ teaspoon ground cinnamon
½ teaspoon ground nutmeg

Combine all ingredients in a medium bowl and blend well. Makes enough for Baked French Toast Casserole.

http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,1977,FOOD_9936_26774,00.html
~~~~~
BreakPoint
With Chuck Colson

A Life Worth Living
Max’s Classroom
December 30, 2005

My wife, Patty, and I were reminded of just why truth matters when we visited our grandson’s school one afternoon.

Max, as some of you may know, is autistic. As he showed Patty and me around his special-needs school—a story I tell in my new book, The Good Life—I was more than impressed with his teachers. They get a modest wage and work long hours under intense conditions. Autistic kids are demanding and sometimes aggressive. Yet Max’s teachers radiated joy—and I understood why.

Whenever Max comes to visit, everything else goes on hold as I accommodate myself to his schedule and his needs. Learning to meet those needs has been one of the greatest challenges, but also one of my greatest blessings.

But as I stood that day in Max’s classroom, a troubling thought crossed my mind. Why does the public education system spend as much as $65,000 per year to tend kids like Max? He will never go to college and never get a productive job. I couldn’t help but think of Peter Singer, the famous utilitarian philosopher from Princeton, and his argument that societies ought to spend their resources creating the maximum happiness for the greatest number. Singer’s logic would urge us to think about how many starving children could be fed for the cost of Max’s tuition. A chill came over me as I realized just how natural that argument sounds and how dangerous it is.

Singer and others, as a matter of fact, would argue against letting Max come into the world at all. And that argument has infiltrated our culture to an almost unbelievable extent. Ninety percent of couples who learn that their unborn children have a disability end up aborting them. Singer takes that mentality a step further, however, arguing that it’s ethical to kill these children after they’re born.

So the argument becomes—why should efforts like Max’s school, or taking care of very elderly people, continue if it’s in our power to make it unnecessary?

The person who says, “yes,” to Max now and in the future can reason only on the basis of something completely other than a cost-benefit analysis. In a utilitarian accounting, Max’s life is meaningless. Why, then, does he bring so much joy to his family and his teachers? Max’s autism is not a good thing—it’s part of the world’s brokenness—and yet that brokenness has been used to enlarge our capacity to love. Max brings joy into our lives through our sacrifices for him. Max himself knows a joy and wonder that puts me to shame. How does one account for this?

Looking at Max’s life, I have to conclude that the good life is not about the sum total of what we contribute to the world. It’s about loving. Utilitarianism knows nothing of love—as Peter Singer discovered when he found himself lavishing money and care on his Alzheimer’s-stricken mother, something that’s completely against his own philosophy.

Truth matters, and the truth is we are creatures made in the image of a loving God, and life has an ultimate value. So beware of the smooth-talking philosophers in our midst. Their position may seem very appealing and even logical. But it’s a deadly logic.

This commentary first aired on July 29, 2005.

--------------------------------------------
For further reading and information:
Please make a year-end donation to help continue the Christian worldview ministry of “BreakPoint” and the Wilberforce Forum. Donate online or call 1-877-322-5527!

Order The Good Life: Seeking Purpose, Meaning, and Truth in Your Life by Charles Colson with Harold Fickett today! Also visit the book’s website to learn more about it and how to share The Good Life with others.

BreakPoint Commentary No. 030528, “Something to Celebrate: Faith That Goes Beyond Happy Endings.”

BreakPoint Commentary No. 030409, “Questions of Life and Death: The Activist and the Professor.”

BreakPoint Commentary No. 041004, “Are We This Pro-Life?: Parenting Special-Needs Children.”

BreakPoint Commentary No. 030114, “Coming Soon to a Hospital Near You: ‘Futile Care’ and the Culture of Death.”

Joni and Friends exists to communicate the Gospel and equip Christ-honoring churches worldwide to evangelize and disciple people affected by disability.

Roberto Rivera, “Lean on Me: Dignity and Dependency,” BreakPoint Online, 28 January 2004.

The BreakPoint Web site and BreakPoint WorldView Magazine feature Colson’s commentaries as well as feature articles by other established and up-and-coming writers to equip readers with a biblical perspective on a variety of issues and topics.
© 2004 Prison Fellowship.
~~~~~
Words of the Week:
firmament: the sky; the heavens.
jollification: merrymaking; revelry.
benefaction: the act of conferring a benefit; also, a benefit conferred.
apposite: of striking appropriateness and relevance.
cynosure: a center of attention.
quiddity: the essence or nature of a thing.
perquisite: a benefit in addition to a salary.
from Dictionary.Com
~~~~~
"You must not think me necessarily foolish because I am facetious, nor will I consider you necessarily wise " - Sydney Smith

"Christmas Eve was a night of song that wrapped itself about you like a shawl. But it warmed more than your body. It warmed your heart ... filled it, too, with melody that would last forever." - Bess Streeter Aldrich

"Peace, peace is what I seek and public calm,
Endless extinction of unhappy hates." - Matthew Arnold

"Grant us a common faith that man shall know bread and peace - that he shall know justice and righteousness, freedom and security, an equal opportunity and an equal chance to do his best not only in our own lands, but throughout the world. And in that faith let us march toward the clean world our hands can make." - Stephen Vincent Benet

"Life is a tragedy full of joy." - Bernard Malamud

"No matter what you have done to this moment, you get 24 brand new hours to spend every single day." - Brian Tracy

"We are not in a position in which we have nothing to work with. We already have capacities, talents, direction, missions, callings." - Abraham Maslow

"Every person takes the limits of their own field of vision for the limits of the world." - Arthur Schopenhauer
~~~~~
"Were we as eloquent as angels we still would please people much more by listening rather than talking." - Charles Caleb Colton (1780-1832) English Sportsman, Writer

><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
GCF: CD Player

Emailed to me from another humor list (The Funnies) -Tom
To subscribe to The Funnies, send a blank email to:
andychaps_the-funnies-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or visit the Good Clean Fun web site http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor/ UNSUBSCRIBE INFO for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2005 before it was sent.
------------------------------

I wanted to buy a CD player, but was completely perplexed by one model's promotional sign. So I called the salesclerk over and asked, "What does 'hybrid pulse D/A converter' mean?"

He said, "That means that this machine will read the digital information that is encoded on CDs and convert it into an audio signal."

"In other words," I said, "this CD player plays CDs."

"Exactly."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Getting Closer

Emailed to me from another humor list (You Make Me Laugh) -Tom
To subscribe to You Make Me Laugh, send a blank email to:
SUBSCRIBE-laugh@lists.crosswalk.com
------------------------------

Our son is in the Army, stationed in Georgia. He invited my husband and I for a visit.

After driving endlessly through unfamiliar streets in search of an entrance to Fort Stewart, my husband suddenly said, "We're getting closer."

"How do you know?" I asked.

He pointed to a sign that read:

Sonny's Bar-B-Q
Tank Parking Available
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Say Something Positive

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom
Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website:
Subscribe
------------------------------

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself.

"You know, dear," she says, "I look in the mirror, and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my hair is grey, my shoulders are hunched over, I've got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby." She turns to her husband and says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself."

He studies hard for a moment thinking about it and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, "Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."

Services for the husband will be held Saturday morning at 10:30 at St. Anselm's Memorial Chapel.
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: I'm Tired!

Emailed to me from another humor list (The Funnies) -Tom
To subscribe to The Funnies, send a blank email to:
andychaps_the-funnies-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
------------------------------

Christmas was finally over and the Pastor's wife dropped into an easy chair saying, "Boy! Am I ever tried."

Her husband looked over at her and said, "I had to conduct two special services last night, three today, and give a total of five sermons. Why are you so tired?"

"Dear," she replied, "I had to listen to all of them."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Feeding Shamu

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom
Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website:
Subscribe
------------------------------

At Sea World, our grandson absolutely refused to see the show featuring Shamu the killer whale, but he wouldn't tell us why.

No amount of discussion could get him to change his mind.

Later, when we got home, we discovered the reason for his reluctance.

An aunt had told him how exciting the show would be because "They choose children from the audience to feed Shamu."
_ ____________________________ _
(((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I tried to drown my problems, \ /
\ _/ but they can swim! \_ /
/ / \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / Character Density: \ \_/ ////
\ / The number of very weird people \ /
\ _/ in the office, \_ /
/ / divided by the floor space. \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Originality is the art of \ /
\ _/ concealing your source. \_ /
/ / \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Dilbert is not a comic strip, \ /
\ _/ it's a documentary. \_ /
/ / \ _ ____________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( / / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ _( (_ | http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor | _) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_|Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
[GCFL.net] Flight Announcement

Thanks to a retired Air Force officer for sending this "paraphrase" of a memorable public safety announcement from Alaska Air flight attendants...

"I was flying to San Francisco from Seattle this weekend, and the flight attendant reading the flight safety information had the whole plane looking at each other like 'what the heck?' (Getting Seattle people to look at each other is an accomplishment.) So once we got airborne, I took out my laptop and typed up what she said so I wouldn't forget. I've left out a few parts I'm sure, but this is most of it."

Before takeoff... Hello and welcome to Alaska Flight 438 to San Francisco. If you're going to San Francisco, you're in the right place. If you're not going to San Francisco, you're about to have a really long evening.

We'd like to tell you now about some important safety features of this aircraft.

The most important safety feature we have aboard this plane is... the flight attendants. Please look at one now.

There are five exits aboard this plane: two at the front, two over the wings, and one out the plane's rear end. If you're seated in one of the exit rows, please do not store your bags by your feet. That would be a really bad idea. Please take a moment and look around and find the nearest exit. Count the rows of seats between you and the exit. In the event that the need arises to find one, trust me, you'll be glad you did. (This is excellent advice, and something I always do.) We have pretty blinking lights on the floor that will blink in the direction of the exits. White ones along the normal rows, and pretty red ones at the exit rows.

In the event of a loss of cabin pressure, these baggy things will drop down over your head. You stick it over your nose and mouth like the flight attendant is doing now. The bag won't inflate, but there's oxygen there, promise.

If you are sitting next to a small child, or someone who is acting like a small child, please do us all a favor and put on your mask first. If you are traveling with two or more children, please take a moment now to decide which one is your favorite. Help that one first, and then work your way down.

In the seat pocket in front of you is a pamphlet about the safety features of this plane. I usually use it as a fan when I'm having my own personal summer. It makes a very good fan. It also has pretty pictures. Please take it out and play with it now.

Please take a moment now to make sure your seat belts are fastened low and tight about your waist. To fasten the belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle. To release, it's a pulley thing -- not a pushy thing like your car because you're in an airplane -- HELLO!!

There is no smoking in the cabin on this flight. There is also no smoking in the lavatories. If we see smoke coming from the lavatories, we will assume you are on fire and put you out. This is a free service we provide. There are two smoking sections on this flight, one outside each wing exit. We do have a movie in the smoking sections tonight ... hold on, let me check what it is .... Oh here it is; the movie tonight is Gone with the Wind.

In a moment we will be turning off the cabin lights, and it's going to get really dark, really fast. If you're afraid of the dark, now would be a good time to reach up and press the yellow button. The yellow button turns on your reading light. Please don't press the orange button unless you absolutely have to. The orange button is your seat ejection button.

We're glad to have you with us on board this flight. Thank you for choosing Alaska Air and giving us your business and your money. If there's anything we can do to make you more comfortable, please don't hesitate to ask.

If you all weren't strapped down, you would have given me a standing ovation, wouldn't you?

After landing... Welcome to the San Francisco International Airport. Sorry about the bumpy landing. It's not the captain's fault. It's not the copilot's fault. It's the Asphalt.

Please remain seated until the plane is parked at the gate. At no time in history has a passenger beaten a plane to the gate. So please don't even try.

Please be careful opening the overhead bins because "shift happens."

Received from Alan Burgess.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Moving Labels

Having moved 15 times during our 37-year marriage, my husband and I appreciate movers who take the time to label carefully boxes they pack for us.

The accuracy of labels can make a huge difference when we try to find something right away.

My favorite was done by one guy who attached this sticker to a box -- obviously not knowing how to spell the best one-word description: "Animals you hit with a stick at a Mexican party."

(The one-word description is a Pinata. For those that might not know what a pinata is look here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pinata )

Received from Pastor Tim's CleanLaugh List.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Last Pun of the Year

Christmas was over. Santa and his reindeer finally had a chance to rest. And they deserved it. They had done a good job.

Rudolph had a chance to do something he had wanted to do for a long time. He made an appointment with a plastic surgeon because he was so sensitive about his looks. However, it wasn't his glowing proboscis that he wanted changed. He was proud of his nose and the help he had given Santa because of it. No, he was sensitive about his long ears, which were much more prominent than the ears of the average reindeer, or bear for that matter.

So one week after Christmas, he let the good doctor do the pinna reconstructive surgery procedure, and since that time, January 1st has been celebrated as New Ears Day.

Happy New Ears Day!

Received from Stan Kegel.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] The Christmas Envelope

It's just a small white envelope stuck among the branches of our Christmas tree. No name, no identification, no inscription. It has peeked through the branches of our tree for the past 10 years or so.

It all began because my husband Mike hated Christmas -- oh, not the true meaning of Christmas, but the commercial aspects of it -- the overspending, the frantic running around at the last minute to get a tie for Uncle Harry and the dusting powder for Grandma -- the gifts given in desperation because you couldn't think of anything else.

Knowing he felt this way, I decided one year to bypass the usual shirts, sweaters, ties, and so forth. I reached for something special just for Mike. The inspiration came in an unusual way.

Our son Kevin, who was 12 that year, was wrestling at the junior level at the school he attended. Shortly before Christmas, there was a non-league match against a team sponsored by an inner-city church.

These youngsters, dressed in sneakers so ragged that shoestrings seemed to be the only thing holding them together, presented a sharp contrast to our boys in their spiffy blue and gold uniforms and sparkling new wrestling shoes. As the match began, I was alarmed to see that the other team was wrestling without headgear, a kind of light helmet designed to protect a wrestler's ears. It was a luxury the ragtag team obviously could not afford.

Well, we ended up walloping them. We took every weight class. And as each of their boys got up from the mat, he swaggered around in his tatters with false bravado, a kind of street pride that couldn't acknowledge defeat. Mike, seated beside me, shook his head sadly, "I wish just one of them could have won," he said. "They have a lot of potential, but losing like this could take the heart right out of them." Mike loved kids -- all kids -- and he knew them, having coached little league football, baseball, and lacrosse.

That's when the idea for his present came. That afternoon, I went to a local sporting goods store and bought an assortment of wrestling headgear and shoes and sent them anonymously to the inner-city church. On Christmas Eve, I placed the envelope on the tree, the note inside telling Mike what I had done and that this was his gift from me. His smile was the brightest thing about Christmas that year and in succeeding years.

For each Christmas, I followed the tradition -- one year sending a group of mentally handicapped youngsters to a hockey game, another year a check to a pair of elderly brothers whose home had burned to the ground the week before Christmas, and on and on.

The envelope became the highlight of our Christmas. It was always the last thing opened on Christmas morning, and our children, ignoring their new toys, would stand with wide-eyed anticipation as their dad lifted the envelope from the tree to reveal its contents.

As the children grew, the toys gave way to more practical presents, but the envelope never lost its allure. The story doesn't end there. You see, we lost Mike last year due to dreaded cancer. When Christmas rolled around, I was still so wrapped in grief that I barely got the tree up. But Christmas Eve found me placing an envelope on the tree, and in the morning it was joined by three more.

Each of our children, unbeknownst to the others, had placed an envelope on the tree for their dad. The tradition has grown and someday will expand even further with our grandchildren standing around the tree with wide-eyed anticipation watching as their fathers take down the envelope.

Mike's spirit, like the Christmas spirit, will always be with us. May we all remember Christ, who is the reason for the season, and the true Christmas spirit this year and always.

God Bless! -- pass this along to your friends and loved ones.

Received from Steve McGowan.

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
– NEW! Go to http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20050124 to rate this funny from 0 to 5.
-=+=-
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List "A cheerful heart is good medicine!" (Prov 17:22a) Go to http://gcfl.net/mlfrontend.php to change your subscription options or unsubscribe. To email this funny to a friend, go to http://gcfl.net/emailit.php?funny=20050107 The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://gcfl.net/latest.php
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
What is the difference between a used-car salesman and a computer salesman?
The used-car salesman knows when he's lying to you!

I once got an especially helpful reply to a question I asked on Microsoft's on-line tech support service. I wrote back to thank them for a complete and concise reply, and said how much I appreciated it.
The next day I had a response:
"We are looking into the problem and will contact you with a solution as soon as possible."

Why was Stonehenge abandoned?
It wasn't IBM compatible.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
There's a GREAT song playing on Christian radio these days. The song is called "Shine" by
Newsboys. The idea is to let your light shine so as to "make 'em wonder what you got." If you do it will, it will make people do all sorts of crazy things to find out what you've got...like:
make a bouncer take ballet
make a Deadhead sell his van
make an Eskimo renounce fur, and (my favorite)
make a vegetarian barbecue hamster

Thanks to Joe Tudor
~~
Newsboys - Shine Lyrics
Music by Peter Furler
Lyrics by Steve Taylor

dull as dirt
you can't assert the kind of light
that might persuade
a strict dictator to retire
fire the army
teach the poor origami
the truth is in
the proof is when
you hear your heart
start asking, "What's my motivation?"

and try as you may, there isn't a way
to explain the kind of change
that would make an Eskimo renounce fur
that would make a vegetarian barbecue hamster
unless you can trace this about-face
to a certain sign...

SHINE
MAKE 'EM WONDER WHAT YOU'VE GOT
MAKE 'EM WISH THAT THEY WERE NOT
ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING BORED
SHINE
LET IT SHINE BEFORE ALL MEN
LET 'EM SEE GOOD WORKS, AND THEN
LET 'EM GLORIFY THE LORD

out of the shaker and onto the plate
it isn't Karma
it sure ain't fate
that would make a Deadhead sell his van
that would make a schizophrenic turn in his crayons
Oprah freaks
and science seeks a rationale
that shall excuse
this strange behavior

when you let it shine
you will inspire
the kind of entire turnaround
that would make a bouncer take ballet
(even bouncers who aren't...happy)
but out of the glare
with nowhere to turn
you ain't gonna learn it on "What's My Line?"

SHINE...
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
For My Democratic Friends:

"Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.
We also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. And without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.
By accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself or himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher.
This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher."

For My Republican Friends:

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Thanks to Sam Boggs
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Welcome to You Make Me Laugh, a free newsletter from Crosswalk.com, the world's largest Christian website.

*Lose The Cat*

A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get rid of it. He drove 20 blocks away from home and dropped the cat there. The cat was already walking up the driveway when he approached his home.

The next day, he decided to drop the cat 40 blocks away but the same thing happened. He kept on increasing the number of blocks but the cat kept on coming home before him.

At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a perfect spot and dropped the cat there.

Hours later, the man called his wife at home and asked her, "Jen is the cat there?"

"Yes, why do you ask?"answered the wife.

Frustrated the man said, "Put that cat on the phone, I am lost and I need directions."

(-:][:-)

*Catfish Fishing*

Jim had an awful day fishing, sitting on the lake all day without a single bite. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish.

He told the fish salesman, "Pick out the four largest ones and throw them at me, will you?"

"Ok. But, why do you want me to throw them at you?"

"Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them."

(-:][:-)

*One and Ten*

Elizabeth was surprised to receive ten dollars from her Aunt for her birthday. The Aunt asked how she was going to spend it.

"I'm taking it to Sunday School and giving it to God." the little girl replied. "He'll be just as surprised as I was at not getting a dollar like usual."

(-:][:-)

Eye Laugh

"Faith Healer Sick Days"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=171

"Elephant Envy"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=198

"Donkey Watermelon"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=199

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
Daily devotionals are available at http://link.Crosswalk.Com/UM/T.asp?A1. 39. 17757. 1. 494611 You can access more information on Crosswalk's Fun page http://www.Crosswalk.Com/fun/! Crosswalk gives credit to the author of a joke when author is known. Feel free to send notification to admin@cybersalt.org in cases where credit has not been given to the author! -SUBSCRIPTION INFO- * Copyright2004 Crosswalk.Com, Inc. and its Content Providers. All rights reserved. Introducing www.Crossguide.Com Where Christians find Products, Services & Ministries.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - -http://www.madkane.com/thoughtful.html - - Thoughtful Interview "For a job applicant, an interview is to be sought, then dreaded, then endured. And managers rarely relish interviews any more than the trembling supplicant on the other side of their desk. So it's probably just as well that people can't read minds. If they could..."
http://www.madkane.com
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
New Year's Traditions - - http://www.infoplease.com/spot/newyearcelebrations.html - - Auld Lang Syne and other New Year's customs. Related sites: A History of the New Year - - http://www.infoplease.com/spot/newyearhistory.html - - / Saying 'Happy New Year' Around the World - - http://www.factmonster.com/ipka/A0923039.html - - / New Year's Resolutions Guide. - - http://www.umm.edu/features/resolutions_guide.htm
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
mail1web: Pick Up Your Email - - http://www.mail2web.com/ - - This site is a free web-based email retrieval application that allows users from anywhere to anonymously pick up their email from almost any POP3 and IMAP4 email server. No registration is required to access or use the application. Rather than offer another email address like Hotmail® or Yahoo Mail!, mail2web.com allows you to use your existing email account. Retrieving and sending email with mail2web.com is as simple as entering your email address and password. Now you can easily read, reply, forward and even delete messages all while you're away from your regular email program.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
How Christmas Works - - http://www.howstuffworks.com/christmas.htm - - For hundreds of millions of people around the world, Christmas is the biggest holiday of the year. Have you ever wondered where traditions like Santa Claus come from? Find out at this How Stuff Works site.
Related sites: How Christmas Lights Works - - http://www.howstuffworks.com/christmas-lights.htm - - / How Mistletoe Works. - - http://www.howstuffworks.com/mistletoe.htm
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Forbes Best of the Web: Reference - - http://www.forbes.com/bow/b2c/category.jhtml?id=73 - - The billions of pages on the Internet contain almost anything you would wish to know; unfortunately, search engines can only go so far. Our favorites in this category give some order to the chaos, many with helpful search techniques, answers to common research questions and more. The best sites, which make finding that perfect word or fact a breeze, will renew your faith in the power of cyberspace.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Charges on Your Phone Bill - - http://www.fcc.gov/cgb/consumerfacts/charges.html - - Consumers are often confused by the various charges and items on their monthly phone bills. Under the FCC’s Truth-in-Billing rules, phone companies must provide clear, non-misleading, plain language in describing bill services, and identify the service provider associated with each charge; they must also display, on each bill, one or more toll-free numbers customers may use to inquire or dispute any charge on the bill. Related site: Sample Phone Bill. - - http://www.fcc.gov/cgb/phonebills/samplePhonebill.html
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
The Harvard Classics - - http://www.bartleby.com/hc/ - - The most comprehensive and well-researched anthology of all time comprises both the 50-volume '5-foot shelf of books' and the the 20-volume Shelf of Fiction. Together they cover every major literary figure, philosopher, religion, folklore and historical subject through the twentieth century.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Editor and Publisher - - http://www.editorandpublisher.com/eandp/index.jsp - - Editor & Publisher is the authoritative journal covering all aspects of the North American newspaper industry, including business, newsroom, advertising, circulation, marketing, technology, online and syndicates.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
The Writer's Almanac - - http://writersalmanac.publicradio.org/ - - The Writer's Almanac, a daily program of poetry and history hosted by Garrison Keillor, can be heard each day on public radio stations throughout the country. Each day's program is about five minutes long - check your local radio listings for the station and time in your area.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
TOURBUS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -:) - :)- :)
Volume 11, Number 32 --- 29 December 2005
Tourbus Home - http://www.TOURBUS.com
Best of Tourbus -- http://tourbus.com/best.html
+---------------------------------------+

TODAY'S TOURBUS TOPIC: Computer Humor / The Top Ten

Every day I get the same lame jokes in my inbox. Some of them have been making the rounds for years, and they weren't funny back then either. Today's TOURBUS has a roundup of websites with some really good computer humor. Also check out the ten most popular articles this year on AskBobRankin.com -- read on!

-----------------------------
Humor That's Actually Funny
-----------------------------

Since 1987, Brad Templeton has been collecting jokes and distributing them through the rec.humor.funny newsgroup on Usenet. You can find an archive of the best Computer, Science and Math Jokes here:

http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/computer.html

You can visit the RHF home page for more (non-geeky) jokes, but be forewarned that some of the material on RHF may not be suitable for young children.

--------------------
Satire On The Wire
--------------------

Cited as "Pure lunacy" (Fast Company), "Hilarious" (Wired), and a "Pick of the Year" by the likes of BusinessWeek, SatireWire produced some of the best workplace and computer humor from 1999 to 2002. SatireWire is no longer published, but the archives are still there, and still very funny. Search or browse the archives for "Napster Ordered to Stop As Soon As Judges Finish Downloading", "Silicon Pines: Assisted Computing Facility" and "Employee-Slapping Widespread, Effective".

http://www.satirewire.com

-----------------------
Re: RE: Fwd: FW: Fwd:
-----------------------

Back in my IBM days, I used to moan whenever I encountered a new instance of "verbing" -- when a noun became a commonly used verb. My favorite was when my manager would tell us to "solution" something. But it works both ways. The verb "forward" has become a noun, and may even evoke fear and loathing in the minds of those whose inboxes are filled with those endlessly forwarded missives.

Just in case you feel you may have missed one, my friend Leo collects these things and posts the ones HE thinks are funny on his website. Most of the jokes are clean, but Leo tags each one with a G, PG, R or X rating so you can select items with your own criteria.

http://www.forwardedfunnies.com

------------------
Is It Funny Yet?
------------------

Everyone has a different opinion about what's funny and what's not. If none of the above tickled your funny bone, then try Yahoo's humor directory. In the Computer and Internet category you'll find jokes about clams and the International Monetary Fund.

http://dir.yahoo.com/Entertainment/Humor

Got a great joke site? If you know of a website with truly funny jokes, stories or satires that are related to computers or technology, join the Computer Humor discussion here:

http://www.AskBobRankin/computer_humor.html

-------------
The Top Ten
-------------

It's the end of the year, and everyone else is publishing their "best of" lists. So I figured it was time to go through the AskBobRankin logs and see which articles were the most popular. Here are the Top Ten, ranked by readership volume...

Make Windows XP Run Faster
http://www.AskBobRankin.com/make_windows_xp_run_faster.html

Removing WinFixer Popups
http://www.AskBobRankin.com/removing_winfixer_popups.html

Clearing Browser History
http://www.AskBobRankin.com/clearing_browser_history.html

Is Your Printer Spying On You?
http://www.AskBobRankin.com/is_your_printer_spying_on_you.html

Free Internet Software
http://www.AskBobRankin.com/free_internet_software.html

Do I Need A Registry Cleaner?
http://www.AskBobRankin.com/do_i_need_a_registry_cleaner.html

Backing Up Your Files
http://www.AskBobRankin.com/backing_up_your_files.html

Do I Need A Firewall?
http://www.AskBobRankin.com/do_i_need_a_firewall.html

Remote Access To Your Computer
http://www.AskBobRankin.com/remote_access_to_your_computer.html

Do Computers Get Tired?
http://www.AskBobRankin.com/do_computers_get_tired.html

WANT TO SEE THE TOP TWENTY?
http://www.askbobrankin.com/the_top_twenty.html

+---------------------------------------+

That's all for now. Happy New Year to all -- Patrick and I wish you a fantastic 2006!

+---------------------------------------+

==[ Tourbus Rider Information ]==
The Internet Tourbus - U.S. Library of Congress ISSN #1094-2238 Copyright 1995-2005, Rankin & Crispen - All rights reserved Tourbus News Service - http://tourbus.com/news.html Subscribe, Signoff, Archives, Free Stuff and More at the Tourbus Website - http://www.TOURBUS.com
========================
.~~~. ))
(\__/) .' ) )) Patrick Douglas Crispen
/o o \/ .~
{o_, \ { crispen@netsquirrel.com
/ , , ) \ http://www.netsquirrel.com/
`~ -' \ } )) AOL Instant Messenger: Squirrel2K
_( ( )_.'
---..{____} Warning: squirrels.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
NBC Draws Fire for Book of Daniel

By Allie Martin
December 30, 2005

(AgapePress) - A pro-family media researcher is blasting NBC for plans to air a controversial series featuring a troubled Episcopal priest and other dysfunctional characters.

The network will air The Book of Daniel on Friday evenings, starting in early January. According to published reports, the weekly show centers around an Episcopal priest named Daniel Webster who talks with a manifestation of Jesus. In addition, the Webster family reportedly includes a 23-year-old homosexual, Republican son; a 16-year-old daughter who is a drug dealer; and an adopted son involved in an improper relationship with the bishop's daughter.

Ed Vitagliano is director of research for the American Family Association. He says the program mocks Christianity.


Ed Vitagliano
"While we certainly recognize that Christians do have problems, and they have problems in their families, it seems that Hollywood consistently wants to focus on those types of Christians and those types of ministers -- when the reality is that many, many more are hard-working," Vitagliano says. "They work hard to have good family lives -- just like a lot of people do -- and are faithful to scripture."

According to the AFA spokesman, advertisers who underwrite the program will be monitored -- and that information will be distributed far and wide.

"We will be reviewing this, and we will be letting AFA supporters know exactly what is on this program," he says. "And [we will be] holding advertisers accountable for what appears to be yet one more show that's going to dog the Christian faith."

AFA is calling on TV viewers to send a letter through its website (http://www.afa.net/petitions/issuedetail.asp?id=175) asking NBC affiliates to refuse to air the show. Dr. Don Wildmon, AFA chairman and founder, contends the network's decision to air the series "reflects the anti-Christian bias which exists at the highest levels of the network."
~
Thanks to Rebecca Poindexter
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
This poem was written by my sister. We wish all of you a very merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. May God bless you and keep you in his grace.

Sarah and Ricky

T’was the night before our Christmas

T’was the night of our Christmas And all through the town,
The Inns were all filled, not a room could be found

While the people slept soundly, the innkeeper said.
There’s no room in the Inn, Try the stables instead.

Joseph plead with the innkeeper, my wife’s with child, sir
It’s time for the baby; could you make room for her?

When he said as he closed up his door with a clatter,
That’s not my concern why on earth would that matter?

They walked through the town, wondering, “What will we do?”
When they saw a small stable, what a night to get through!

Joseph slept, but was awaken, what a sight did appear.
Mary glowed as she whispered. “Our baby is here.”

With the animals watching, so calm and content.
I know in my heart that they knew what this meant.

More rapid than eagles, the word now had spread.

As Joseph and Mary laid hay for his bed.

Now Jesus, the Messiah, the Lord, King of kings
Emanuel, our Savior, Son of God. Peace He brings,

Just follow the star, just follow the call.
Now come see the Savior, come far, come all.

Then in a twinkling, the star did appear
Shepherds and wise men followed it there.

As they found the stables ad gathered around
The baby lay sleeping, Not a peep. Not a sound.

Dressed in swaddling clothes from His head to His toes.
Baby Jesus is here, let everyone know.

Such a sweet face, angelic and merry,
It’s hard to imagine the weight He would carry.

Those who had traveled for such a great while
Laid their gifts at His feet ad worshiped the child.

He had a soft glow, eyes bright as star light
That shined when He smiled, what a radiant sight.

He was wonder and hope, filling all with such joy.
That I smiled when I saw Him, this wondrous little boy.

Joseph stood watch while Jesus was fed
Then Mary knelt down and put Him to bed.

He made not a sound a the crown gathered throughout
This is the child angels told us about.

Laying their gifts as they quietly knelt,
It is hard to imagine what they all must have felt.

Jesus was born in a stable that night.
And He came for us all, ad for us all, He’s the light.

Written by: Linda Womack
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Arkansas Teens Put Their Faith Into Action Helping Storm Victims
Al Showers/Davin Dahlgren reporting (Dec 30, 2005)

"Youth in Action" is more than just the name of a youth group conference, it is a motto to live by for more than 150 Arkansas teens from Southwest Church of Christ in Jonesboro. The annual conference, normally held in Jonesboro during Christmas break each year, was moved to Hattiesburg, Mississippi this year.

The nearly 700 teens from seven states that are attending the conference spend their days helping storm victims by clearing lots, moving debris, and gutting houses. Their evenings are spent together in prayer and worship services.

Both the youth involved and the people receiving the help are seeing a real-world example of how Christianity impacts lives. One of the students, Paige Hardcastle, sums it up: "To be a good Christian is to be a good servant."
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Jewish Scholar Reveals Ten Commandments Were Sung, Each Commandment in a Different Scale
Noam Ben Ze'ev/Teresa Neumann Reporting (Dec 28, 2005)

"The scales were also used for music therapy, a different scale for every illness."

Every year, annual conferences on Jewish music are held by Jerusalem's Renanot Institute for Jewish Music, with the 47th conference held on Tuesday, December 27. According to a report in Haaretz, the most prominent person at the first session of this year's conference was Prof. Amnon Shiloah, a researcher and former head of the Musicology Department at Hebrew University and author of the entries on music and dance in the Encyclopedia Judaica. He will lecture on the musical tradition of the Jews of Damascus.

"I was born in Argentina to a Jewish family from Damascus," relates Shiloah, "and my parents returned to Syria when I was a child. All the cantors in Damascus were friends of my father, and our life seemed stable. When I was 13, I met an emissary from Israel and wanted to return with him. My parents did not consent, so I ran away from home."

The fruits of Shiloah's research into medieval music, say reporter Noam Ben Ze'ev, were published last summer in the form of the first music disk to document the vocal traditions of the Damascus community - an ancient community formed even before the vocal traditions of King David. The community flourished and then waned during the Crusades, but recovered with the influx of Jews exiled from Spain and the rise of the kabbalists in 16th-century Safed.

The excerpts on this disk have waited a long time to be published, having been recorded by Shiloah 40 years ago, when the great cantors of Damascus first immigrated to Israel and sang to him from the depths of their souls, adds Ben Ze'ev. All of them have since passed away, but the music that was so important to them lives on: the melodies used to teach young children the alphabet and pronunciation of words, the special songs sung under the wedding canopy, on long winter nights of supplication, on Shabbat and festivals, and even songs in Arabic, attesting to the social and cultural relations with their surroundings.

A fascinating revelation of Jewish musical heritage relates to the Ten Commandments. "The Ten Commandments used to be sung, each in a different scale," says Shiloah. "So, too, were the chapters of Psalms for Shabbat, with each psalm having its own set of tones. The scales were also used for music therapy, a different scale for every illness. Another subject that has always interested me is music as a key to understanding the world, the mutual relationship between music and life - and in the ancient world there was a deep connection between them."

More...
http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/663013.html
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
"Religious People Have Better Health Because They're More Compassionate" Says New Study
Garret Condon/Teresa Neumann Reporting (Dec 27, 2005)

A recently published Brigham Young University study that examined the possible link between religiosity and better psychosocial health found that compassion was the active ingredient in the relationship.

In the study which was published in the December issue of Annals of Behavioral Medicine, compassion was defined as being moved by the suffering of others and having the desire to alleviate that suffering.

Patrick Steffen, lead author of the study and assistant professor of clinical psychology at BYU, is quoted as saying religious people had the best health in his study, but that when he and his colleagues controlled for compassion, the religion-health relationship vanished.

"What we're interpreting that to mean is that religious people have better health because they're more compassionate," he said, adding that, "Just going to church on Sunday, or synagogue on Saturday, isn't sufficient for good health. It's going there and learning the principles and incorporating that into your life. I think that's what's behind the relationship between religion and health."

More...
http://www.courant.com/news/health/hc-changeforgood1206.artdec06
,0,5143194,print.story?coll=hc-headlines-health
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Faith Shown to Cut Inmate's "Anti-Social" Behavior
Joyce Howard Price/Teresa Neumann Reporting (Dec 23, 2005)

The Washington Times reports that religion can reduce the incidence of anti-social behavior in prison, according to an independent study of Mississippi inmates.

As published in this month's Journal of the Scientific Study of Religion, attending worship services regularly and participating in faith-based prison programs, among other things, directly "reduces inmates arguments, and thereby the fights that typically follow."

The study was conducted at Mississippi State Penitentiary in Parcman, Miss., one of the largest prisons in the nation.

Franchatta Barber, deputy assistant secretary of Institutions and Programs for the Florida Department of Corrections, said signs of better behavior at two Florida prisons that adopted faith-based programs led to the opening of a third such prison in the state. "It appears we have less discipline reports, and those we have are usually non-violent rather than violent. So, we are seeing better conduct in these prisons," she said.

According to reporter Joyce Howard Price, Corrections Corporation of America (CCA) based in Nashville, Tennessee, the largest private prison company in the U.S., offers religious programs at 67 prisons and jails it operates in 29 states. "You have to start with changes while inmates are still in prison, before you expect changes when they get out," said Changel Gurney a spokesman for CCA.

More...
http://washtimes.com/national/20051218-012515-7244r.htm
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Chaplain Who May Be Fired from Navy for Praying in Jesus' Name Sends Urgent Letter to President for Help
Aimee Herd (Dec 21, 2005)

Navy Chaplain Gordon James Klingenschmitt has served in the Armed Forces for 14 years, the last three as a Chaplain. Now he may be stripped of his status, losing his career, retirement and home for praying in Jesus' name even though Title 10 of the U.S. Code says that it is legal for a Chaplain to pray publicly according to his faith. Chaplain Klingenschmitt has taken his battle directly to the Whitehouse and awaits an answer from President Bush. To hear an interview with Chaplain Klingenschmitt click on the link below.

To call the Whitehouse and voice your opinion call: 202-456-1111.

More...
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/audio/klingenschmitt.m3u
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Healing Rooms Movement Gains Momentum - More Opening All Around the World
David Dawes / Aimee Herd reporting (Dec 17, 2005)

The International Association of Healing Rooms offers a worldwide list of healing rooms that are currently running, with others to open soon.

Though, in some ways the subject of "healing" through prayer or the laying-on-of-hands remains controversial inside some fellowships, the huge increase in "healing rooms" all around the world is something that cannot be denied.

Perhaps the most well-known of all the healing rooms in existence today are those in Spokane, Washington, USA. These were founded and operated by Canadian evangelist John G. Lake more than 80 years ago and were re-opened by California real estate developer and church elder; Cal Pierce in 1999.

The Spokane Healing Rooms operate four days a week with no appointment necessary, offer healing prayer to anyone, and it's free. Once the Spokane rooms opened and testimonies of healing began pouring in, many ministries followed suit opening healing rooms in their own cities and regions. The movement quickly spread across Canada, the U.S., and now all over the world.

Steve Stewart, the National Director of Healing Rooms Canada, spoke with reporter David Dawes from CanadianChristianity.com on the subject of healing. "I always tell skeptical people that my personal experience, of watching God heal, long ago removed my doubts," he said. "I have seen too many miracles in North America, Australia, India, Russia, and Korea to ever doubt."

"I tell people that this is not about faith healing, it is about Divine healing," says Stewart. "By that, I mean it is about the power and presence of the Lord coming with His Divine life to our needs.

"Is faith involved? Of course. Jesus looked for faith when he ministered, either the faith of the person, the faith of others -- the friends who lowered the paralytic through the roof -- or even his own faith."

As the National Director, Stewart attends many healing conferences and recalled some the testimonies coming out of one of those in Korea. "Deaf ears opened, all kinds of pain, much of it lasting for years, left people's bodies. A man who could only see shadows of light and dark left able to clearly read the Bible. A man in a wheel chair with constant pain in his arms had all his pain left. He had not been able to take more than five steps for a long time, got out of his chair and walked across the width of the building and back again.

"Cancerous tumors shrunk before the team members' eyes. Another man with cancer reported the next morning that the swelling completely disappeared and all pain left. He told us he knew he was healed. We encouraged him to check it out with his doctor . . . . .

"There was so much instant healing of back pain, knee pain, arthritis, foot pain (and swelling) that we could hardly keep up. We would call out conditions, pray for them, and then the testimonies would go on and on," said Stewart.

Some of the new locations for healing rooms are Calgary; Canada, New Zealand, Zambia, Kenya and Jamaica. To view a list of healing rooms all around the world, go to www.healingrooms.com or follow the link below from The Elijah List:

More...
http://www.elijahlist.com/healing_rooms/index.html
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Former Muslim Terrorist, Now Christian, Speaks Out on Behalf of Israel
Debbie Berman / Aimee Herd reporting (Nov 29, 2005)

Once a militant Muslim who was taught to hate Israel, Zachariah Anani is now one of the state's most ardent supporters.

According to Israel National News , an ex-Muslim terrorist who became a Christian and later, noting all that the Jews have been through in history, began speaking out on behalf of Israel.

Zachariah Anani was recently interviewed by Israel National Radio . "I was brought up to hate Jews and Israel. That was my first raising, my first attitude," he explained.

"In the 70's, I became a Christian, but even as a Christian, Jews didn't mean anything to me. One day, someone asked me a question regarding Jews, and I really didn't know the answer. I started studying Jewish history. I was shocked and amazed at how much the Jews had suffered, how much they had endured. That's what made me have a change of heart," said Anani. "Thank G-d, I spent most of my short, militant life fighting against my own kind. Fate never put me against the Israeli army."

Anani shared his strong opinions in opposition to the Gaza withdrawal saying, "I have no clue why Israel left Gaza, why the righteous owner of a land would give up part of their inheritance and freedom. It would be another big blow if Israel gave up the West Bank."

The former Muslim spoke of the amazing Divine protection that has surrounded Israel from the beginning. "G-d is with Israel. If every Arab country were to send a million soldiers to surround Israel, which would be 23 million soldiers, Israel would be doomed. How did they win five wars in the past? Because G-d was there," he said.

Because of his controversial stance, Anani has suffered numerous attempts on his life, resulting in his moving to Canada and becoming a Canadian citizen. But he is not afraid to speak out for Israel; he will be joining a panel discussion at Princeton University on December 8th, where he will be speaking on Israel, Lebanon, the Hizbullah and the illusive peace in the Middle East.

To hear the entire interview from Israel National Radio , visit the link below.

More...
http://www.israelnationalradio.com/
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
North Dakota News

This text is from a county emergency manager out in the western part of North Dakota state after the recent snow storm.

**WEATHER BULLETIN**

Up here in the Northern Plains we just recovered from a Historic event --- may I even say a "Weather Event" of "Biblical Proportions" --- with a historic blizzard of up to 44" inches of snow and winds to 90 MPH that broke trees in half, knocked down utility poles, stranded hundreds of motorists in lethal snow banks, closed ALL roads, isolated scores of communities and cut power to tens of thousands.

**FYI:**

* George Bush did not come.
* FEMA did nothing.
* No one howled for the government.
* No one blamed the government.
* No one even uttered an expletive on TV.
* Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton did not visit.
* Our Mayors did not blame Bush or anyone else.
* Our Governor did not blame Bush or anyone else either .
* CNN, ABC, CBS, FOX, or NBC did not visit - or report on this category 5 snow storm.
* Nobody demanded $2,000 debit cards.
* No one asked for a FEMA Trailer House.
* No one looted.
* Nobody - I mean Nobody demanded the government do something.
* Nobody expected the government to do anything either.
* No Larry King, No Bill O'Rielly, No Oprah, No Chris Mathews and No Geraldo Rivera
* No Sean Penn, No Barbra Streisand, No Hollywood types to be found.
**And **
* Nope, we just melted the snow for water.
* Sent out caravans of SUVs to pluck people out of snow-engulfed cars.
* The truck drivers pulled people out of snow banks and didn't ask for a penny.
* Local restaurants made food and the police and fire departments delivered it to the snow-bound families.
* Families took in the stranded people - total strangers.
* We fired up wood stoves.
* Broke out coal oil lanterns or Coleman lanterns.
* We put on an extra layers of clothes because up here it is "Work or Die."
* We did not wait for some affirmative action government to get us out of a mess created by being immobilized by a welfare program that trades votes for 'sittin at home' checks.
* Even though a Category "5" blizzard of this scale has never fallen this early, we know it can happen and how to deal with it ourselves.

**"In my many travels, I have noticed that once one gets north of about 48 degrees North Latitude, 90% most of the world's social problems 0evaporate."**

Thanks to Randy Maness
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Activities and Events of Interest
~~~
The Emancipation Proclamation will be on display at the Clinton Library September 22-25, 2007.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/

The Department of Defense announced the deaths of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died in Baghdad, Iraq, on Dec. 22, when an improvised explosive device detonated near their position during a dismounted patrol. Both soldiers were assigned to the 1st Battalion, 502nd Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division, Fort Campbell, Ky. Killed were:

01. 1st Lt. Benjamin T. Britt, 24, of Wheeler, Texas.
02. Spc. William Lopez-Feliciano, 33, of Quebradillas, Puerto Rico.

03. Master Sgt. Joseph J. Andres, Jr., 34, of Seven Hills, Ohio, died in Balad, Iraq, on Dec. 24, of injuries sustained earlier that day in Baqubah, Iraq, when he was attacked by enemy forces during combat operations. Andres was assigned to the U.S. Army Special Operations Command, Fort Bragg, N.C.

04. Sgt. Myla L. Maravillosa, 24, of Wahiawa, Hawaii, died in Kirkuk, Iraq, on Dec. 24, of injuries sustained earlier that day in Al Hawijah, Iraq, when her HMMWV was attacked by enemy forces using rocket-propelled grenades. Maravillosa was assigned to the C Company, 301st Military Intelligence Battalion,Honolulu, Hawaii.

The Department of Defense announced the deaths of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died in Baghdad, Iraq, on Dec. 23, when an improvised explosive device detonated near their HMMWV. Both soldiers were assigned to the Army Reserve's 351st Civil Affairs Command, Mountain View, Calif. Killed were:
05. Sgt. Regina C. Reali, 25, of Fresno, Calif.
06. Sgt. Cheyenne C. Willey, 36, of Fremont, Calif.

07. Spc. Anthony O. Cardinal, 20, ofMuskegon, Mich., died in Baghdad, Iraq, on Dec. 25, when an improvised explosive device detonated near his HMMWV during combat operations. Cardinal was assigned to the 3rd Squadron, 7th Cavalry Regiment, 2nd Brigade, 3rd Infantry Division, Fort Stewart, Ga.

08. Spc. Sergio Gudino, 22, of Pomona, Calif., died in Baghdad, Iraq, on Dec. 25, when an improvised explosive device detonated near his M1A1 tank during combat operations. Gudino was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 64th Armor Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 3rd Infantry Division, Fort Stewart, Ga.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two soldiers, who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.
They died in Baghdad, Iraq on Dec. 26, when their Apache helicopter collided with another military aircraft in mid-air and then crashed. Both soldiers were assigned to the 1st Battalion, 4th Aviation Regiment, Aviation Brigade, 4th Infantry Division, Fort Hood, Texas. Killed were:
09. Chief Warrant Officer Richard M. Salter, 44, of Cypress, Texas.
10. Chief Warrant Officer Isaias E. Santos, 28, of Ancon, Panama.

11. Sgt. Dominic R. Coles, 25, of Jesup, Ga., died in Baghdad, Iraq, on Dec. 26, when his HMMWV came under attack during combat operations by enemy forces using small arms fire, rocket-propelled grenades and mortars. Coles was assigned to the 5th Engineer Battalion, Fort Leonard Wood, Mo.

12. Spc. Dane O. Carver, 20, of Freeport, Mich., died in Khalidiyah, Iraq on Dec. 26, when his HMMWV came under attack by enemy forces using small arms fire. Carver was assigned to the Army National Guard's 1st Battalion, 125th Infantry Regiment, Saginaw, Mich.

The Department of Defense announced the deaths of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died in Baghdad, Iraq, on Dec. 27, when an improvised explosive device detonated near their dismounted patrol. Both soldiers were assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 8th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 4th Infantry Division, Fort Hood, Texas. Killed were:
13. Spc. Lance S. Sage, 26, of Hempstead , N.Y.
14. Pvt. Joshua M. Morberg, 20, of Sparks , Nev.

15. 1st Sgt. Tobias C. Meister, 30, of Jenks, Okla., died south of Asadabad, Afghanistan on Dec. 28, when an improvised explosive device detonated near his HMMWV during combat patrol operations. Meister was assigned to the Army Reserve's 321st Civil Affairs Brigade, San Antonio, Texas.

16. Pfc. Jason D. Hasenauer, 21, of Hilton, N.Y., died near Kandahar, Afghanistan, on Dec. 28, when his HMMWV accidentally rolled over during patrol operations. Hasenauer was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 504th Parachute Infantry Regiment, 82nd Airborne Division, Fort Bragg, N.C.

17. Spc. Aaron M. Forbes, 24, of Oak Island, N.C., died in Baghdad, Iraq, on Dec. 28, when an improvised explosive device detonated near his HMMWV during combat operations. Forbes was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 67th Armored Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 4th Infantry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

http://icasualties.org/oif/default.aspx
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Please remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
It’s never too early to start making your Birthday list. (Well, I didn’t expect to get everything for Christmas.)
Rechargeable Batteries for the following “Ham” radios: Kenwood TH-22-AT (9.6 volts, 600 mAh battery, 2 each (for our two radios)), Yaesu FT-50 (it takes a FNB-83 7.2V1400mAh battery), Yaesu, VX-1 (it takes a FNB-52LI 3.6V 700mAh Lithium-Ion battery).
New “Rubber Ducky” antennas for the following “Ham” radios: Kenwood TH-22-AT (two radios)
Anything from Larry Norman
Back Scratcher
Basic tools of any kind
Batteries, 9 volt
Batteries, AAA
Blankets or Quilts
book, “The Good Life: Seeking Purpose, Meaning, and Truth in Your Life” by Charles Colson
“Boot” Horn
Chair, office $49 from SAMS (5 of them)
Cheese Grater
Cordless Drill
Cordless Screwdriver
A DeLorme Earthmate GPS LT-20 device
A copy of DeLorme Street Atlas USA 2006 Plus
A copy of DeLorme Topo USA 5.0
Digital Video Recorder (Pioneer DVR-533H-S $333 at Beach Camera)
Eyeglasses, “Computer type” to use at church (and some new ones to use at home and at work.)
Floor Mats (for the truck)
Handkerchiefs
Hat (warm, for bald guys winter wear.)
Magnifying Glass.
New Showerhead
Non skid toilet rug
Refrigerator Thermometer
Small, lightweight “head light” so I can see small things on the desk or work bench.
Some Warmup Suits to wear around the house after we get that first gas bill.
Trackball for the home computer
USB Key (1 Gig )
VHS - DVD Recorder (Lite-On LVC-9006 $219 @ Buy.com)
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Scheduled Activities
~~~
Alcoholics Anonymous meets at 8 p.m. Monday - Friday. At noon on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays and at 7 p.m. Sunday at 914 N. Vine
~~~
Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m. Union Street Station. And YOU'RE invited. Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
~~~
Columbia County Diabetes Support Group - Every third Monday, 7:00 p.m. room 222, Magnolia Hospital
~~~
"Focus on the Family" with Dr. James Dobson weekday afternoons at 1 PM on KVMA am 630 it's a great show!
~~~
MCC - Abraham Prayer - Sunday at 5:00 p.m and Wednesday from 11:30 am to 1:00 pm
~~~
MCC - Early Morning Prayer - Monday - Friday, From 6:30 am to 8:00 am
~~~
MCC - "Beth Moore" Video Class - Thursday nights at 5:45 pm
~~~
MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets at 1051 Columbia 36 the second and fourth Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.
~~~
MCC - Firm Foundations Class, Sunday 9:30 to 10:15 a.m
~~~
MCC - Meadow Brook Nursing Home Ministry Tuesday from 10:00 to 11:00 a.m
~~~
MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second. Call 234-3225 for reservations.
~~~
MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
~~~
MCC - Over comers: Fridays @ 7:00 p.m- Director, Traci Foster invites you to a 12 step Christian support program. For anyone with a life controlling problem. Child care is provided.
~~~
Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
~~~
Narcotics Anonymous 5-6 pm every Monday at 220 Pine street.
~~~
TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) 5 pm every Tuesday in the Magnolia Hospital break room.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." - - Paul Troquille
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
~~~~~
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
Luke 2:8-16 Ps. 18:1-6 http://www.e-min.org/
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E-mail at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. For the "Blog" version just go to http://bugsbleat4q.blogspot.com/ to see the latest issue. This week, "Word" and "PDF" subscribers get to see photos of more of our favorite people.
Let us hear from you if we can switch you over to the "Word" or "PDF" version of "Da Bleat".
If you'd prefer to read "Da Blog" version, just drop us a note at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com and we'll switch you from e:mail delivery to "Da Bleat" Blog. Of course "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleat4q.blogspot.com to see the latest issue (usually updated sometime Friday evening or Saturday morning. We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2005 before it was sent.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>

Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Stuck Between Floors

Volume 7, Issue 51

Hello All,


Merry Christmas to all. Like I said last week, I was considering discontinuing “Da Bleat” after the last issue this year. Mainly because I’ve been struggling to get the issues out. But we’re gonna keep publishing, especially after so many of you wrote and called to encourage us.

“Please don't even THINK about giving up the Bleat! It's a joy to come in to on Monday mornings.”

“Guten Tag! I was glad to hear that your still going to be doing the "bleat". I have to agree with Bro. Paul. I always look forward to getting the bleat and being reminded of how good back home really is.”

“Please don't discontinue the Bleat. Really enjoy every bit of it.”

“I start checking my mail Friday afternoon, looking for the Bleat. Keep ‘em coming.”

So I’m cheap. It just takes a little encouragement to keep me publishing.
~~~~~
Everyone had a GREAT time at Josiah’s birthday party. Vanessa had pizzas for the kids to make and the adults enjoyed the cake, ice cream and watching the kids.
~~~~~
Thanks to Keith Burton, MCC has a brand new website. Check it out at www.mcc2000.net
~~~~~
Burrrrrrrr. It’s been wet and cold here. I can’t remember when I didn’t want to take a nap or when I did want it to snow. (Apologies to Paula Poundstone.)
~~~~~
While waiting to get my blood test at Dr. Murphy’s this week, we were reminiscing about the weather and how we remember cold mornings when we were kids. There were only three sources of heat at Grandmother’s where we lived. The living room heater, the bathroom heater and the kitchen stove. None of which were left on while we were sleeping.
I slept under a pile of quilts, snug and cozy but dreading having to get out of bed in the cold.
My mom or grandmother would light the living room heater, lay my clothes out in front of it to warm and then wake me. I’d run across the cold hardwood floors to the living room where I’d huddle on the oval rug in front of the gas heater getting dressed. By the time I was dressed, my breakfast was ready, served on the oven door.
Once I was dressed and fed, it was time to head to school, carrying my Roy Rogers school bag.
~~~~~
Jimmy, Vanessa and Josiah have a Chevy Venture. Jimmy found it for sale on his route Thursday. We’re still a society that needs “wheels” to function. Actually, this vehicle’s seats do a better job of setting up the car seats for the boys.
~~~~~
Our Christmas “Trash” was well received. We even got a neat thank you note from the gang at the Library.
~~~~~
Michael Yon writes about the Iraq elections in "Three Times the Charm" http://www.michaelyon.blogspot.com/ Michael gives us a totally different face than the one we
see from the mainstream media.
~~~~~
Speaking of overseas, here’s an update from Todd and Kathy Raymond.

I just celebrated my 36th birthday a couple of weeks ago and I can tell I'm getting older (maybe not wiser, but definitely older). I can remember thinking how I couldn't wait to get out of Magnolia and see the world. Now I can't wait to get out of the world and see Magnolia! Especially everyone at MCC. Kathy and I miss y’all so much!
We started going to church on base here. It took me a long time to finally do that. Not because I lost faith in God or anything like that. It was because of my first experience with a "military" church back in boot camp. It was more of a pep rally than a house of worship, so I just thought every church on base was like that. I was wrong. The service we go to is what they call the "Protestant" service, but it reminds me a lot of the services at MCC. We sing a lot of the same songs, and you can really feel the presence of God there. So we're enjoying it.
It's snowed here now for the past couple of days. I like looking at the snow...hate driving in it!! I went out yesterday to shovel the snow off the sidewalk and out of the driveway (it's German law by the way to do that) and as soon as I came back in and got warmed up, it dumped about 4 inches on us! It completely covered everything I had just shoveled!!! I guess I just need to look at it like job security.
Speaking of the job I'm praying I'll have good news coming soon. I'm supposed to deploy to Iraq but there's a chance that I might get to go somewhere else. I'll let you know more as I find out more. Not that I'm opposed to going to Iraq. I'd love to go honestly. I like being able to travel and experience new stuff. Plus the biblical history that's there would be awesome! That's what I like about going to Turkey a couple of years ago. I actually got to go to Tarsus and see where the Apostle Paul was born and I got to travel the road to Damascus where he met God. It was awesome! I got to see a church he started that was kept in the side of a mountain in a cave. To walk in the birthplace of Christianity was very humbling! I hate it I didn't have a camera when I went though.
Well I've talked your ear off enough. Tell everyone there that we're thinking of them!
God Bless and keep up the good work!
~~~~~
This week, we took the boys out to see the Christmas decorations in Columbia County. Like I said, everyone needs to see the display at the Talbot home on US 371 between Magnolia and Bussey. Here’s a reminisce from one of our readers. (P.S. I remember them as blue.)
Your note about the Talbot house's decorations reminded me of our family's driving around to look at the decorations in Magnolia when I was a kid. Lots of lights, artificial Santas, some Disney characters (don't know how they got into the seasonal mix), elves, Nativities, and the like. But the house I liked best was on Hazel Circle Drive (where St. James Episcopal Church is located). The house was at the bottom of the loop and set a bit away from the road, and its only decorations were blue lights along the eaves of the house (my brother disagrees and thinks they were green, but I remember blue, and I'm telling the story). That's it---blue lights, understated, quiet and mysterious in a good way. Looked forward to seeing it every year. Then, I guess, one year the house changed hands, or the owner got bored, and the lights were never up again, and the house stayed dark.
But I bet you can guess what color lights I've hung up outside MY place.

Have a holy and blessed Christmas!
~~~~~
Another comment on Katrina Evacuees Trailers.

I remember being told that you could tell the decade a travel trailer was made by the color scheme - they change the general color schemes every 10 years or so. Here's a new one for you - I predict you'll be able to tell trailers made in late 2005 by the absence of a color scheme.

I realized last week, that of the 10-12 travel trailers I see headed towards New Orleans every day, every one of them has been stark white - no decoration at all. It dawned on me that the factory is churning them out as fast as possible, and skipping the decoration step.

So in a few years when you want to buy a travel trailer, you'll know the white ones are hurricane trailers...

JT
~~~~~
It’s never too early to start making your Christmas list. I’m going to keep this one running here for the benefit of my family (and anyone else who is so inclined).
Rechargeable Batteries for the following “Ham” radios: Kenwood TH-22-AT (9.6 volts, 600 mAh battery, 2 each (for our two radios)), Yaesu FT-50 (it takes a FNB-83 7.2V1400mAh battery), Yaesu, VX-1 (it takes a FNB-52LI 3.6V 700mAh Lithium-Ion battery).
New “Rubber Ducky” antennas for the following “Ham” radios: Kenwood TH-22-AT (two radios)
Anything from Larry Norman
Back Scratcher
Basic tools of any kind
Batteries, AA
Batteries, 9 volt
Batteries, AAA
Blankets or Quilts
“Boot” Horn
Chair, office $49 from SAMS (5 of them)
Cordless Drill
Cordless Screwdriver
A DeLorme Earthmate GPS LT-20 device
A copy of DeLorme Street Atlas USA 2006 Plus
A copy of DeLorme Topo USA 5.0
Digital Video Recorder (Pioneer DVR-533H-S $333 at Beach Camera)
Eyeglasses, “Computer type” to use at church (and some new ones to use at home and at work.)
Floor Mats (for the truck)
Handkerchiefs
“Happy Birthday” Jesus Offering
Hat (warm, for bald guys winter wear.)
Magnifying Glass.
New Showerhead
Non-skid toilet rug
Oven Thermometer
Refrigerator Thermometer
Small, lightweight “head light” so I can see small things on the desk or work bench.
Socks (the $30 a pair kind)
Some Warm-up Suits to wear around the house after we get that first gas bill.
Trackball for the home computer
USB Key (1 Gig )
VHS - DVD Recorder (Lite-On LVC-9006 $219 @ Buy.com)

This will continue to grow as the season approaches.
~~~~~
Don't forget ... "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleat4q.blogspot.com
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
www.aaa.com Regular Mid Premium Diesel
Current Avg. $2.203 $2.339 $2.424 $2.563
http://www.fuelgaugereport.com/
~~~~~
Recipe(s) of the week - It's the season for David's Four Layer "Slayer" Pie

1st layer

Crust:
1 stick oleo
1 ½ c. flour
1 c. chopped pecans
1/4c. powdered sugar

Mix the above ingredients together until crumbly. Bake at 350* in a 9 x 13 inch pan for 20 minutes. Cool.

2nd layer

1 – 8 oz. cream cheese
1 c. powdered sugar
1 c. cool whip

Beat cream cheese until smooth. Add powdered sugar and cool whip. Spread over cooled crust.

3rd layer

(I use our recipe for chocolate pie cooked in the microwave.)
1 ½ c. sugar
4 T. cocoa
3 T. flour
2 c. milk (1 c. pet and 1 c. milk)
3 egg yolks
Pinch of salt

Mix very well with whisk (I use a braun mixer or blender) and cook in microwave 2 minutes. Stir. Cook 3 minutes. Stir. Cook 1 minute.
Add:
3 T. oleo
1 t. vanilla
Mix very well and let cool. (To keep a skim from forming on top of the pie filling smear the top with oleo).

4th layer

Top with remaining cool whip. Buy a 16 oz. tub cool whip.

David called it a "Slayer" Pie because it’s a “killer” Chocolate dessert.

~~~~~
BreakPoint
With Chuck Colson

The Truest Thing in the World
The Cry of a Tiny Babe
December 23, 2005

Note: This commentary was delivered by Prison Fellowship President Mark Earley.

One of the most memorable moments on CBS’s 60 Minutes had nothing to do with war or political scandals. It was an essay on the meaning of Christmas by the late Harry Reasoner.

Reasoner called Christmas “such a unique idea that most non-Christians accept it and . . . sometimes envy it.” What makes it unique is not the gift-giving, but what Reasoner called “the truest thing in the world”: It is the “anniversary of the appearance of the Lord of the Universe in the form of a helpless baby . . . ”

For Reasoner, God chose exactly the correct form needed to intimately identify with us and our condition. And in becoming a helpless child, He made it possible to be loved, as well as feared, since “everyone has seen babies, and most people like them.”

Fourteen years after his death, Reasoner is still right about the meaning of Christmas, but I’m not sure about most people liking babies, at least the inconvenient ones. The most obvious example of this diminished regard for babies is abortion-on-demand, which has cost an estimated 40 million babies their lives.

An especially tragic group of these victims are children who have been diagnosed in utero as having Down syndrome. Compared to our slaughter of these innocents, Herod’s efforts to kill the infant Jesus were amateurish: Expectant women are now pressured into prenatal testing, including amniocentesis; then, if Down syndrome is detected, they are expected to get an abortion, which 90 percent of them do.

And now, according to a $15 million, eight-year study just published last month in the November 10 issue of the New England Journal of Medicine, science is endeavoring to make these practices easier, at least for women and their doctors. Through a newly developed prenatal test, Down syndrome can now be detected in the first trimester of pregnancy. When one researcher called the outcome of this research “huge,” she was right in ways that probably did not occur to her: The potential to eliminate a class of people shortly after conception now lies within our grasp.

Of course, we don’t call them “people,” much less “babies.” Instead, we call them “embryos” and, if we absolutely must, “fetuses.” That way, we don’t have to confront the fact that not only are we taking human life, but also that we have singled out the most vulnerable members of our community.

That singling out makes our Christmas celebrations this year especially ironic because Reasoner was right: The truest thing in the world is that the Lord of the Universe specifically identified with the poor and vulnerable in His Incarnation. When the Word became flesh, He did not don royal robes, but the swaddling clothes of peasants and laborers.

In case we missed the point, shortly before Jesus went to the Cross, He told His disciples that we will be judged according to how we treated “the least of these, my brethren.” Can anyone doubt what grade our society would receive today?

If this sounds a bit somber, recall that the weeks leading up to Christmas, known as Advent, are a time for reflection and repentance. As we prepare to celebrate the Lord’s first coming, we look forward to His second: an appearance that will forever settle the status of what Jesus called “the least of these.” Are you ready for Christmas?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For further reading and information:
Please make a year-end donation to help continue the Christian worldview ministry of “BreakPoint” and the Wilberforce Forum. Donate online or call 1-877-322-5527!

Dr. David A. Staff, “Jesus: The Revealer of Men’s Thoughts,” a Christmas Eve message, 24 December 1999.

BreakPoint Commentary No. 051205, “Scary Science: Disturbing Developments on the Down Syndrome Front.”

BreakPoint Commentary No. 051220, “Unless You Repent: Questions of Disaster and Judgment.”

Vic Pentz, “Why a Helpless Baby?” Men of Integrity, November/December 2002.

T. M. Moore, “The Jesus We Preach at Christmas,” Worldview Church, Wilberforce Forum, December 2004.

Michael Snyder, “Holy Invasion,” BreakPoint WorldView, December 2003.

Mark Gauvreau Judge, “Indeed He Is Born!: ‘Merry Christmas’ May Not Be Enough,” BreakPoint Online, 15 December 2005.

The BreakPoint Web site and BreakPoint WorldView Magazine feature Colson’s commentaries as well as feature articles by other established and up-and-coming writers to equip readers with a biblical perspective on a variety of issues and topics.
© 2004 Prison Fellowship.
~~~~~
Words of the Week:
melange: a mixture.
vainglory: excessive pride or vain display.
sub rosa: secretly; privately; confidentially.
digerati: persons knowledgeable about computers.
confrere: a colleague, comrade, or intimate associate.
querulous: habitually complaining; also, expressing complaint.
vociferous: clamorous; noisy.
firmament: the sky; the heavens.
from Dictionary.Com
~~~~~
"Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind." - Bertrand Russell

"The advice of their elders to young men is very apt to be as unreal as a list of the hundred best books." - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

"Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing." - Clive James

"Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on." - Samuel Butler

"The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything." - Oscar Wilde

"Let the refining and improving of your own life keep you so busy that you have little time to criticize others." - H. Jackson Brown

"Winter, a lingering season, is a time to gather golden moments, embark upon a sentimental journey, and enjoy every idle hour." - John Boswell

"Don't say things. What you are stands over you the while, and thunders so that I cannot hear what you say to the contrary." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
~~~~~
"A successful person is someone who can build a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at them." - Laurie Melson
~~~~~
GCF: A Soldier's Night Before Christmas (Serious, Not Humor)

The emails for the week have been sent and now I turn to one of those serious emails that I send on occasion.

Too many times we tend to forget the members of the military who are serving away from home. As a veteran of the U.S. Navy (65-69), I know what it means to be away from your family and loved ones. Holiday times can become especially lonely. Please see the message at the end of this email. It contains links that can be used to send messages of support to troops overseas.

-----------------------------------------------

I have been sharing this with the Good Clean Fun list since in 1997. The poem has been circulated freely on the Internet, sometimes as "author unknown" but usually attributed to "A Marine stationed in Okinawa, Japan" However, after September 11, 2001 it was attributed sometimes to "A Soldier/Marine stationed in Afghanistan." Sometimes it was attributed to a Lieutenant Colonel in the Air Force. I found that the piece was researched thoroughly by the folks at the Urban Legend website and I believe that their attribution of authorship is correct. That website for the curious is:

http://www.snopes.com/glurge/soldier.htm

The piece is attributed to James M. Schmidt, then a Lance Corporal in the U.S. Marine Corps, stationed in Washington D.C. The piece appeared in "Leatherneck" (Magazine of the Marines) in 1991.

That being said, the message of the piece is still just a powerful, regardless of the authorship. As a former Hospital Corpsman in the U.S. Navy, I have a profound respect for the Marines, and because of that, I have chosen to reproduce the original "Marine" version here. This version differs slightly from the one circulating on the Internet in that is contains some Marine-specific wording.

To all my Marine friends, Semper Fi.
- Tom

---------------------------------------------

A Soldier's Night Before Christmas
(Original Title is "Merry Christmas, My Friend")

'Twas the night before Christmas, he lived all alone, In a one-bedroom house made of plaster and stone. I had come down the chimney, with presents to give and to see just who in this home did live.

As I looked all about, a strange sight I did see, no tinsel, no presents, not even a tree. No stocking by the fire, just boots filled with sand. On the wall hung pictures of a far distant land.

With medals and badges, awards of all kind, a sobering thought soon came to my mind. For this house was different, unlike any I'd seen. This was the home of a U.S. Marine.

I'd heard stories about them, I had to see more, so I walked down the hall and pushed open the door. And there he lay sleeping, silent, alone, Curled up on the floor in his one-bedroom home.

He seemed so gentle, his face so serene, Not how I pictured a U.S. Marine. Was this the hero, of whom I'd just read? Curled up in his poncho, a floor for his bed?

His head was clean-shaven, his weathered face tan. I soon understood, this was more than a man. For I realized the families that I saw that night, owed their lives to these men, who were willing to fight.

Soon around the Nation, the children would play, And grown-ups would celebrate on a bright Christmas day. They all enjoyed freedom, each month and all year, because of Marines like this one lying here.

I couldn't help wonder how many lay alone, on a cold Christmas Eve, in a land far from home. Just the very thought brought a tear to my eye. I dropped to my knees and I started to cry.

He must have awoken, for I heard a rough voice, "Santa, don't cry, this life is my choice I fight for freedom, I don't ask for more. My life is my God, my country, my Corps."

With that he rolled over, drifted off into sleep, I couldn't control it, I continued to weep.

I watched him for hours, so silent and still. I noticed he shivered from the cold night's chill. So I took off my jacket, the one made of red, and covered this Marine from his toes to his head. Then I put on his T-shirt of scarlet and gold, with an eagle, globe and anchor emblazoned so bold. And although it barely fit me, I began to swell with pride, and for one shining moment, I was Marine Corps deep inside.

I didn't want to leave him so quiet in the night, this guardian of honor so willing to fight. But half asleep he rolled over, and in a voice clean and pure, said "Carry on, Santa, it's Christmas Day, all secure." One look at my watch and I knew he was right, Merry Christmas my friend, Semper Fi and goodnight.

--------------------------------------------------

Messages of Support:

You don't have to look too far to know of someone deployed overseas ... perhaps a member of your own family, or the family of a co-worker or friend. Let's not forget them this holiday season. I know the joy , which results by receiving messages from "home". This year is it even easier than taking pen to paper. You can do it on the Internet.

Previously, the Department of Defense has placed a moratorium on mail addressed to "Any Service member." In the past, this was a way for people to share their thoughts with and give support to our men and women in the service. These letter-writing campaigns have always been a morale booster, however mail-related attacks (anthrax) have resulted in the cancellation the program. The safety of service members is paramount.

Many independent organizations are ready and willing to help you support the troops via other methods. Although the military services no longer accept "Any Service member" mail, the troops can still receive messages from patriotic citizens. It simply means finding an organization to help you get that morale-boosting message to the troops.

With little effort I found two web sites that can help.

The first is America Supports You. The web address is:

http://www.americasupportsyou.mil/americasupportsyou/index.aspx

Listed there several links. One can be used to send messages of support to our troops overseas (from that link you can read the messages already sent). The other can be used to see the responses from the troops.

The second is the AnyServiceMember.Org web site. The address is:

http://www.anyservicemember.org/

From the main page, there are links on the left side to view or leave general messages to the troops in the various branches of the military. AnyServiceMember.Org was created to fill a void left by the cancellation of the "Any Service Member" mail program due to the Anthrax threat.

><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
GCF: Stuck Between Floors

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: Subscribe

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@egroups.com or visit the Good Clean Fun web site http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor/ UNSUBSCRIBE INFO for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2005 before it was sent.
----------------------------------

Soon after our high-tech company moved into a new building, we had trouble with the elevators. A manager got stuck between floors and, after some door banging, finally attracted attention. His name was taken and rescue promised.

It took two hours before the elevator mechanic arrived and got the manager out. When he returned to his desk, he found this note from his efficient secretary: "The elevator people called and will be here in two hours."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Gift Wrapping Tips For Men

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Debbie) -Tom
----------------------------------

(This sure sounds like something Dave Barry would write. So let me acknowledge Mr. Barry, who is a Pulitzer Prize-winning syndicated columnist at the Miami Herald.)

(Edited slightly by Tom)

This is the time of year when we think back to the very first Christmas, when the Three Wise Men; Gaspar, Balthazar and Herb, went to see the baby Jesus and, according to the Book of Matthew, "presented unto Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh." These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we discover an important, yet often overlooked, theological fact: There is no mention of wrapping paper.

The words "wrapping paper" do not appear in the Bible, which means that the very first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the people giving those gifts had two important characteristics:
1. They were wise.
2. They were men.

Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the point of putting paper on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off. This is not just my opinion: This is a scientific fact based on a statistical survey of two guys I know.

One is Rob, who said the only time he ever wraps a gift is "if it's such a poor gift that I don't want to be there when the person opens it." The other is Gene, who told me he does wrap gifts, but as a matter of principle never takes more than 15 seconds per gift. "No one ever had to wonder which presents daddy wrapped at Christmas," Gene said. "They were the ones that looked like enormous spitballs."

I also wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my motor skills, I can never completely wrap them. I can take a gift the size of a deck of cards and put it the exact center of a piece of wrapping paper the size of a regulation volleyball court, but when I am done folding and taping, you can still see a sector of the gift peeking out. (Sometimes I camouflage this sector with a marking pen.) If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh's body would be covered only by Scotch tape.

On the other hand, if you give my wife a 12-inch square of wrapping paper, she can wrap a C-130 cargo plane. My wife, like many women, actually likes wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness. If it were possible, my wife would wrap each individual volt. My point is that gift-wrapping is one of those skills like having babies that come more naturally to women than to men. That is why today I am presenting:

GIFT-WRAPPING TIPS FOR MEN:

* Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when the recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it, you can claim that it's myrrh.

* The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item on how to make your own wrapping paper by printing a design on it with an apple sliced in half horizontally and dipped in a mixture of food coloring and liquid starch. They must be smoking crack.

* If you're giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper! Just put it inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it. This creates a festive visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky recipient on Christmas morning:

YOUR WIFE: Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree?
YOU: It's a gift! See? It has a bow!
YOUR WIFE (peering into the trash bag): It's a leaf blower.
YOU: Gas-powered! Five horsepower!
YOUR WIFE: I want a divorce.
YOU: I also got you some myrrh.

In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that you save the receipt.
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Muffled Workers

Emailed to me from another humor list (You Make Me Laugh) -Tom To subscribe to You Make Me Laugh, send a blank email to: SUBSCRIBE-laugh@lists.crosswalk.com
---------------------------------------------------

Winters are fierce where he lives, so the owner of the estate felt He was doing a good deed when he bought earmuffs for his foreman.

Noticing, however, that the foreman wasn't wearing the earmuffs even on the bitterest day, the landlord asked, "Didn't you like the muffs?"

The Foreman said, "They're a thing of beauty."

"Why don't you wear them?"

The Foreman explained, "I was wearing them the first day, and somebody offered to buy me lunch, but I didn't hear him! Never again, never again!"
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: A Dieter's Christmas

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: Subscribe
----------------------------------

'Twas the night before Christmas and all around my hips Were Fanny May candies that sneaked past my lips. Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care In hopes that my thighs would forget they were there.

While Mama in her girdle and I in chin straps Had just settled down to sugar-borne naps. When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter

Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash Tore open the icebox then threw up the sash The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow Sent thoughts of a binge to my body below.

When what to my wandering eyes should appear: A marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer! That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick I knew in a second that I'd wind up sick.

The sweet-coated Santa, those sugared reindeer I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear; On Pritzker, on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPS A Weight Watcher dropout from sugar detox.

From the top of the scales to the top of the hall Now dash away pounds now dash away all. Dressed up in Lane Bryant from my head to nightdress My clothes were all bulging from too much excess

My droll little mouth and my round little belly They shook when I laughed like a bowl full of jelly I spoke not a word but went straight to my work Ate all of the candy then turned with a jerk.

And laying a finger beside my heartburn I gave a quick nod toward the bedroom I turned I eased into bed, to the heavens I cry If temptation's removed I'll get thin by and by.

And I mumbled again as I turned in for the night In the morning I'll starve... 'till I take that first bite!
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: The Gift That Keeps on Giving

Emailed to me another humor list (Good Clean Funnies List) -Tom To subscribe The Good Clean Funnies List, (not to be confused with this list, which is Good Clean Fun) send an email to: gcfl-request@gcfl.net with subject = add
--------------------------------------------------

The one present Roy Collette wasn't looking forward to getting for Christmas 1988 was those pants. Yet he knew he was in trouble as soon as the flatbed truck bearing a concrete-filled tank off a truck used to deliver ready-mix rolled up. Sure as God made little green apples, those pants had to be in there. And he was going to have to fish them out, else declare his brother-in-law the winner of a rivalry that had spanned 20 years.

Being the sport he is, brother-in-law Larry Kunkel thoughtfully supplied the services of a crane to hoist the concrete-filled tank off the flatbed.

What's this game, you ask? What was the significance of these pants, and why were two grown men going to such efforts year after year to retrieve them, only to send them off again?

It all began in 1964 when Larry Kunkel's mom gave him a pair of moleskin pants. After wearing them a few times, he found they froze stiff in Minnesota winters and thus wouldn't do. That next Christmas, he wrapped the garment in pretty paper and presented it to his brother-in-law.

Brother-in-law Roy Collette discovered he didn't want them either. He bided his time until the Christmas after, then packaged them up and gave them back to Kunkel. This yearly exchange proceeded amicably until one year Collette twisted the pants tightly and stuffed them into a 3-foot-long, 1-inch wide pipe.

And so the game began. Year after year, as the pants were shuffled back and forth, the brothers strove to make unwrapping them more difficult, perhaps in the hope of ending the tradition. In retaliation for the pipe, Kunkel compressed the pants into a 7-inch square, wrapped them with wire and gave the "bale" to Collette. Not to be outdone, Collette put the pants into a 2-foot-square crate filled with stones, nailed it shut, banded it with steel and gave the trusty trousers back to Kunkel.

The brothers agreed to end the caper if the trousers were damaged. But they were as careful as they were clever. As the game evolved, so did the rules. Only "legal and moral" methods of wrapping were permitted. Wrapping expenses were kept to a minimum with only junk parts used. Kunkel next had the pants mounted inside an insulated window that had a 20-year guarantee and shipped them off to Collette.

Collette broke the glass, recovered the trousers, stuffed them into a 5-inch coffee can, which he soldered shut. The can was put in a 5-gallon container filled with concrete and reinforcing rods and given to Kunkel the following Christmas.

Kunkel installed the pants in a 225-pound homemade steel ashtray made from 8-inch steel casings and etched Collette's name on the side. Collette had trouble retrieving the treasured trousers, but succeeded without burning them with a cutting torch.

Collette found a 600-pound safe and hauled it to Viracon Inc. in Owatonna, where the shipping department decorated it with red and green stripes, put the pants inside and welded the safe shut. The safe was then shipped to Kunkel, who was the plant manager for Viracon's outlet in Bensenville.

The pants next turned up in a drab green, 3-foot cube that once was a 1974 Gremlin. A note attached to the 2,000-pound scrunched car advised Collette that the pants were inside the glove compartment.

In 1982 Kunkel faced the problem of retrieving the pants from a tire 8 feet high and 2 feet wide and filled with 6,000 pounds of concrete. On the outside Collette had written, "Have a Goodyear."

In 1983 the pants came back to Collette in a 17.5-foot red rocket ship filled with concrete and weighing 6 tons. Five feet in diameter, with pipes 6 inches in diameter outside running the length of the ship and a launching pad attached to its bottom, the rocket sported a picture of the pants fluttering atop it. Inside the rocket were 15 concrete-filled canisters, one of which housed the pants.

Collette's revenge for the rocket ship was delivered to Kunkel in the form of a 4-ton Rubik's Cube in 1985. The cube was made of concrete that had been baked in a kiln and covered with 2,000 board feet of lumber.

Kunkel "solved the cube," and for 1986 gift-giving repackaged the pants into a station wagon filled with 170 steel generators all welded together. Because the pants have to be retrieved undamaged, Collette was faced with carefully taking apart each component.

What happened to the pants in 1987 is a mystery, and their 1988 packaging (concrete-filled tank) was mentioned at the beginning of this page. Sadly, 1989's packaging scheme brought the demise of the much-abused garment.

Collette was inspired to encase the pantaloons in 10,000 pounds of glass that he would then deposit in Kunkel's front yard. "It would have been a great one - really messy," Kunkel ruefully admitted. The pants were shipped to a friend in Tennessee who managed a glass manufacturing company. While molten glass was being poured over the insulated container that held them, an oversized chunk fractured, transforming the pants into a pile of ashes.

The ashes were deposited into a brass urn and delivered to Kunkel along with this epitaph:

Sorry, Old Man Here lies the Pants. . . An attempt to cast the pants in glass brought about the demise of the pants at last.

The urn now graces the fireplace mantel in Kunkel's home.
_ ____________________________ _
(((\ \>_/ )_______________________( \_ \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Don't take life too seriously...\ /
\ _/ it's not permanent. \_ /
/ / \ (((\ \>_/ )_______________________( \_ \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / No matter where you go; \ /
\ _/ you're there. \_ /
/ / \ (((\ \>_/ )_______________________( \_ \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I'm not into working out. \ /
\ _/ My philosophy is \_ /
/ / "No pain, no pain." \ (((\ \>_/ )_______________________( \_ \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Back up my hard drive? \ /
\ _/ How do I put it in reverse? \_ /
/ / \ (((\ \>_/ )_______________________( \_ \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Sometimes when you cast your \ /
\ _/ bread upon the waters \_ /
/ / all you get back is wet bread. \ _ ____________________________ _
/ ) Thomas S. Ellsworth ( / / tellswor@slonet.org \ _( (_ http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor _) )_
(((\ \>_/ )_______________________( \_Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
[GCFL.net] Last Minute Automotive Gift Suggestions

If you have an "Automotive Minded" person in you life, these gift suggestions should be considered.

1. Tire Air Change Kit. This kit comes with everything you need to change the air in your tires. This highly recommended but often overlooked maintenance item is much easier now. Remember to change your air every 3000 miles or twice a year. $25

2. Blinker Fluid. You knew it existed but, WOW, is this stuff hard to find. 4oz bottle. $12

3. Synthetic Blinker Fluid. Better yet! 4oz bottle. $24

4. Light Bulb Filaments. Why throw away a perfectly good turn signal or stop light bulb when you can just install a new filament? Premium Filaments, made in the USA! $1 each.

5. Manifold Heat. Yes, your exhaust manifold should be HOT. If it's not, you may need this item. Sold by the pound. $3.50

6. Steering Wheel Gaskets. All SIZES available! Email for specific application. From $9.99

7. Tie Rod Tensioner. Is your tie rod limp? Tension it with T-50! $14.99

8. Alternator Batteries. (4 required, replace them all!) >From $2.99

9. Fan Belt Buckles. Specify brass or chrome. Gold available special order. $14.99

10. Muffler Bearing Manual. Print version $59.95

11. Muffler Bearing Manual. CD version $49.99

12. Universal Muffler Bearing Tool Kit $105.59

13. Muffler Bearing Hi Temp Synthetic Lube (the only kind we sell!) $40.24

14. Muffler Bearings From $19.95

15. Muffler Bearing Gasket Kits From $9.99

16. Momentum (required for tackling some off road obstacles). Sold by the lb-ft/sec $0.50

17. Microsoft Windows Eliminator. If your car or truck
begins to run poorly, (long time to start, frequent crashes, etc.), it's computer, (ecm, ecu, black box, etc.), may have become infected with this nasty computer virus. This product will safely remove the virus. $199

18. Mirror Image Flipper Film. Did you know that the image you see in your rear view mirrors are reversed! This is a manufacturing flaw that the auto companies have kept secret for years as the recall would cost BILLIONS! This film can be cut and placed over any mirror to correct the image. Now you'll be able to read signs in the rear view mirror! $5 per square ft.

Received from Pastor Tim's CleanLaugh.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] When Bad Girls Turn Good

Sarah and her thirteen-year-old sister had been fighting a lot this year. (This happens when you combine a headstrong two-year-old, who is sure she is always right, with a young adolescent.) Sarah's parents, trying to take advantage of her newfound interest in Santa Claus, reminded the two-year-old that Santa was watching and doesn't like it when children fight. This had little impact.

"I'll just have to tell Santa about your misbehavior," the mother said as she picked up the phone and dialed. Sarah's eyes grew big as her mother asked "Mrs. Claus" (really Sarah's aunt; Santa's real line was busy) if she could put Santa on the line. Sarah's mouth dropped open as Mom described to Santa (Sarah's uncle) how the two-year-old was acting. But, when Mom said that Santa wanted to talk to her, she reluctantly took the phone.

Santa, in a deepened voice, explained to her how there would be no presents Christmas morning to children who fought with their sisters. He would be watching, and he expected things to be better from now on.

Sarah, now even more wide eyed, solemnly nodded to each of Santa's remarks and silently hung the phone up when he was done. After a long moment, Mom (holding in her chuckles at being so clever) asked, "What did Santa say to you, dear?"

In almost a whisper, Sarah sadly but matter-of-factly stated, "Santa said he won't be bringing toys to my sister this year."

Received from Chris B.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Star Wars groaner

This is a strange tale. I thought you might appreciate it.

It has to do with those two famous characters, Anakin and Luke Skywalker. The tale concerns that time when Anakin was going by the name of Vader, specifically the lightsaber battle they fought in the cloud city. The depiction of that fight in the Lucas film was fairly accurate, but it left out a few details.

It seems that, during the course of the fracas, more words were exchanged while the two of them were temporarily clenched with their weapons locked against each other. Apparently the director must have felt that some editing would make the dialogue a bit snappier, so some of the words were snipped out.

So here's the rest of what they said to each other.

"Luke, there is something that you do not know."

"What's that?"

"Luke, I know, beyond doubt, what you are getting for Christmas."

"You're wrong. You can't know that."

"Nevertheless, it is so."

"I don't believe you! This isn't possible!"

"Trust me, Luke, I do know what you are getting for Christmas. I know it with the same degree of certainly as I know of the inevitability of the failure of your pitiful rebellion."

"You can't know that. The rebellion will succeed!"

"I know a great many things, Luke. Join with me. Let me show you the true power of the Dark Side of the force, and together we can destroy the emperor!"

"Is that why you think you know what I'm going to get for Christmas? You think your mastery of the Dark Side can show you the future?"

"The Dark Side shows me many things, Luke, but I did not need it for this."

"Then how do you know what I'm getting?"

"It's very simple, Luke -- I have felt your presents."

Received from leon_taylor.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] At The Pearly Gates on Christmas Eve

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle," he said. "You may pass through the pearly gates," Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said, "You may pass through the pearly gates."

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's glasses.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "They're Carol's."

Received from FranCMT2.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] What Mommy Wants for Christmas

Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned, and cuddled my two children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground, and figured out how to attach nine patches onto my daughter's girl scout sash with staples and a glue gun.

I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find any more free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache after a day of chasing kids (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't flap in the breeze, but are strong enough to carry a screaming toddler out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year, I'd like a car with fingerprint-resistant windows and a radio that plays only big-people music; a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking daughter doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with one potty-trained toddler, two kids who don't fight, and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools. I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting, "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can be heard only by the dog.

And please don't forget the Playdoh Travel Pack, the hottest stocking stuffer this year for mothers of preschoolers. It comes in three fluorescent colors and is guaranteed to crumble on any carpet, making the in-laws' house seem just like mine.

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It would clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family; or if my toddler didn't look so cute sneaking downstairs in his pajamas to eat contraband ice cream at midnight.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the chimney and come in and dry off by the fire so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the table, but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always, Mom

P.S. One more thing: You can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young...

Received from MIKEY'S FUNNIES.

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
– NEW! Go to http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20050124 to rate this funny from 0 to 5.
-=+=-
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List "A cheerful heart is good medicine!" (Prov 17:22a) Go to http://gcfl.net/mlfrontend.php to change your subscription options or unsubscribe. To email this funny to a friend, go to http://gcfl.net/emailit.php?funny=20050107 The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://gcfl.net/latest.php
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Welcome to You Make Me Laugh, a free newsletter from Crosswalk.com, the world's largest Christian website.

Today's Clean Laugh
*Christmas Downsizing*

IMMEDIATE DOWNSIZING MEASURES EMPLOYED

The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole.

Streamlining is due to the North Pole's loss of dominance of this season's gift distribution business. Home shopping channels, the Internet, and mail order catalogs have diminished Santa's market share. He could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture.

The reindeer downsizing was made possible through the purchase of a late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip. Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer--who will retrain at the Harvard Business School--is anticipated. Reduction in reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental emissions for which the North Pole has received unfavorable press.

I am pleased to inform you that Rudolph's role will not be disturbed. Tradition still counts for something at the North Pole. Management denies, in the strongest possible language, the earlier leak that Rudolph's nose got that way, not from the cold, but from substance abuse. Calling Rudolph "a lush who was into the sauce and never did pull his share of the load" was an unfortunate comment, made by one of Santa's helpers and taken out of context at a time of year when he is known to be under executive stress.

Today's global challenges require the North Pole to continue to look for better, more competitive steps. Effective immediately, the following economic measures are to take place in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary:

The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never turned out to be the cash crop forecasted. It will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance.

The two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost-effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are therefore eliminated.

The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French.

The four calling birds were replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call-waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked.

The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks appear to be in order.

The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day is an example of the decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that from now on every goose it obtains will be more productive.

The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. Their function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes and therefore enhance their outplacement.

As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring, or a-mulching.

Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps.

Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords plus the expense of international air travel prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work Congresspersons. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant because we expect an oversupply of unemployed Congresspersons this year.

Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music, and no uniforms will produce savings which will drop right down to the bottom line.

We can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and other expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved.

Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking expansion to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing"), action is pending.

Lastly, it is not beyond consideration that deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to stay competitive. Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the most efficient number.

(-:][:-)

*Holiday Merger*

MAJOR HOLIDAY MERGER ANNOUNCED

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, It was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years, ever since the rise of the Muslim Empire.

While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Chanukah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the Fifteen Days of Christmukah, as the new holiday is being called.

Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience. Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there," the message on the dreydl will be the more generic "Miraculous stuff happens." In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts.

In fact, one of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year, when Oreos were finally declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared content with this decision.

A spokesman for Christmas, Inc., declined to say whether a takeover of Kwanzaa might not be in the works as well. He merely pointed out that, were it not for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between Christmas and Chanukah might indeed be seen as an unfair cornering of the holiday market. Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive balance.

He then closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of "Oy, Come All Ye Faithful."

(-:][:-)

*Fractured Christmas Carols*

No one can fracture a Christmas carol better than a kid. Sing along with these new takes on old favorites:

* Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly
* We three kings of porridge and tar
* On the first day of Christmas my tulip gave to me
* Later on we'll perspire, as we dream by the fire.
* He's makin' a list, chicken and rice.
* Noel. Noel, Barney's the king of Israel.
* With the jelly toast proclaim
* Olive, the other reindeer.
* Frosty the Snowman is a ferret elf, I say
* Sleep in heavenly peas
* In the meadow we can build a snowman, Then pretend that he is sparse and brown
* You'll go down in listerine
* Oh, what fun it is to ride with one horse, soap and hay
* Come, froggy faithful
* You'll tell Carol, "Be a skunk, I require"
* Good tidings we bring to you and your kid

(-:][:-)

*Christmas Postage*

A Woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.

"What Denomination?" Asked the clerk.

"Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?" said the woman.

"Well give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic."

(-:][:-)

*The Twelve Thank-you Notes of Christmas*

Dec 25
My dearest darling Edward,
What a wonderful surprise has just greeted me! That sweet partridge, in that lovely little pear-tree; what an enchanting, romantic, poetic present! Bless you, and thank you.

Your deeply loving,
Emily

--------------------------------------------------------------

Dec. 26
Beloved Edward,
The two turtle-doves arrived this morning, and are cooing away in the pear-tree as I write. I'm so touched and grateful!

With undying love, as always,
Emily

--------------------------------------------------------------

Dec. 27 My darling Edward, You do think of the most original presents! Who ever thought of sending anybody three French hens? Do they really come all the way from France? It's a pity we have no chicken coops, but I expect we'll find some. Anyway, thank-you so much; they're lovely.

Your devoted, Emily

--------------------------------------------------------------

Dec. 28
Dearest Edward,
What a surprise! Four calling birds arrived this morning. They are very sweet, even if they do call rather loudly - they make telephoning almost impossible - but I expect they'll calm down when they get used to their new home. Anyway, I'm very grateful, of course I am.

Love from Emily

--------------------------------------------------------------

Dec. 29
Dearest Edward,
The mailman has just delivered five most beautiful gold rings, one for each finger, and all fitting perfectly! A really lovely present! Lovelier, in a way, than birds, which do take rather a lot of looking after. The four that arrived yesterday are still making a terrible row, and I'm afraid none of us got much sleep last night. Mother says she wants to use the rings to "wring" their necks. Mother has such a sense of humour. This time she's only joking, I think, but I do know what she means. Still, I love the rings.

Bless you,
Emily

--------------------------------------------------------------

Dec. 30
Dear Edward,
Whatever I expected to find when I opened the front door this morning, it certainly wasn't six socking great geese laying eggs all over the porch. Frankly, I rather hoped that you had stopped sending me birds. We have no room for them, and they've already ruined the croquet lawn. I know you meant well, but let's call a halt, shall we?

Love,
Emily

--------------------------------------------------------------

Dec. 31
Edward,
I thought I said NO MORE BIRDS. This morning I woke up to find no more than seven swans, all trying to get into our tiny goldfish pond. I'd rather not think what's happened to the goldfish. The whole house seems to be full of birds, to say nothing of what they leave behind them, so please, please, stop!

Your Emily

-------------------------------------------------------------

Jan 1
Frankly, I prefer the birds. What am I to do with eight milkmaids? And their cows! Is this some kind of a joke? If so, I'm afraid I don't find it very amusing.

Emily

-------------------------------------------------------------

Jan. 2
Look here, Edward,
This has gone far enough. You say you're sending me nine ladies dancing. All I can say is, judging from the way they dance, they're certainly not ladies. The village just isn't accustomed to seeing a regiment of shameless viragos, with nothing on but their lipstick, cavorting round the green, and it's Mother and I who get the blame. If you value our friendship, which I do (less and less), kindly stop this ridiculous behaviour at once!

Emily

-------------------------------------------------------------

Jan 3
As I write this letter, ten disgusting old men are prancing up and down all over what used to be the garden, before the geese and the swans and the cows got at it. And several of them, I have just noticed, are taking inexcusable liberties with the milkmaids. Meanwhile the neighbours are trying to have us evicted. I shall never speak to you again.

Emily

--------------------------------------------------------------

Jan 4
This is the last straw! You know I detest bagpipes! The place has now become something between a menagerie and a madhouse, and a man from the council has just declared it unfit for habitation. At least Mother has been spared this last outrage; they took her away yesterday afternoon in an ambulance to a home for the bewildered. I hope you're satisfied.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Jan 5
Sir,
Our client, Miss Emily Wilbraham, instructs me to inform you that with the arrival on her premises at 7:30 this morning of the entire percussion section of the Boston Symphony Orchestra, and several of their friends, she has no course left open to her but to seek an injunction to prevent you importuning her further. I am making arrangements for the return of much assorted livestock.

I am, Sir, yours faithfully,
G. Creep
Attorney at law

(-:][:-)

*Airport Mistletoe*

It was the beginning of December. The trip had gone reasonably well, and he was ready to go back. The airport on the other hand had turned a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols.

Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, he was not in a particularly good mood.

Going to check in his luggage (which, for some reason, had become one suitcase with entirely new clothes), he saw hanging mistletoe. Not real mistletoe, but very cheap plastic with red paint on some of the rounder parts and green paint on some of the flatter and "pointier" parts, that could be taken for mistletoe only in a very Picasso sort of way.

With a considerable degree of irritation and nowhere else to vent it, he said to the attendant, "Even if I were not married, I would not want to kiss you under such a ghastly mockery of mistletoe."

"Sir, look more closely at where the mistletoe is."
(pause)

"Ok, I see that it's above the luggage scale, which is the place you'd have to step forward for a kiss."

"That's not why it's there."
(pause)

"Ok, I give up. Why is it there?"

"It's there so you can kiss your luggage goodbye."

(-:][:-)

Eye Laugh

"Cheap Tree"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw87

"Tabloid Christmas"
http://www.cybersalt.org/cw/bpfearnot.htm

"Santa Flat"
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh/santaflat.htm

"Dog Manger"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw86

"Gizmo Enforcement"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw650

"Cheap Tree"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw87

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
Daily devotionals are available at http://link.Crosswalk.Com/UM/T.asp?A1. 39. 17757. 1. 494611 You can access more information on Crosswalk's Fun page http://www.Crosswalk.Com/fun/! Crosswalk gives credit to the author of a joke when author is known. Feel free to send notification to admin@cybersalt.org in cases where credit has not been given to the author! -SUBSCRIPTION INFO- * Copyright2004 Crosswalk.Com, Inc. and its Content Providers. All rights reserved. Introducing www.Crossguide.Com Where Christians find Products, Services & Ministries.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.madkane.com/bashed_attorney.html - - Diary Of A Bashed Attorney "Why did I go to law school? Work is unbearable, I have no free time, and I'm expected to "make rain" at parties. To somehow extract legal fees from revelers who sidle up, drinks in one hand, hors d'oeuvres in the other, looking for free advice. My reward? Lawyer jokes..."
http://www.madkane.com
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
How Christmas Works - - http://www.howstuffworks.com/christmas.htm - - For hundreds of millions of people around the world, Christmas is the biggest holiday of the year. Have you ever wondered where traditions like Santa Claus come from? Find out at this How Stuff Works site.
Related sites: How Christmas Lights Works / How Mistletoe Works. - - http://www.howstuffworks.com/christmas-lights.htm - - http://www.howstuffworks.com/mistletoe.htm
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
2005: Year in Review - - http://refdesk.com/2005best.html - - Internet resources looking back at the top stories and events of 2005, including 'best of' categories. / AP: Top Ten Stories 2005. - - http://apnews.myway.com/article/20051221/D8EKS5BO3.html - -
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
World Time Server - - http://www.worldtimeserver.com/current_time_in_BO.aspx - - Look up current time from database containing any country or major city in the world. Displays the time, the GMT offset, a globe image, and a section map. Features a world time calculator and a freeware utility to synchronize your PC with an atomic clock.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Body Mass Index Calculator - - http://www.cdc.gov/nccdphp/dnpa/bmi/calc-bmi.htm - - State fact sheets provide information on population, employment, income, farm characteristics, and farm financial indicators for each state in the United States.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Earth Calendar - - http://www.earthcalendar.net/ - - A global events calendar which documents the holidays and occasions from countries and religions around the world.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Yahoo Reference - - http://education.yahoo.com/reference/ - - Whether you're a student, a parent, or just plain curious, Yahoo! Reference offers a handy selection of books and materials to help you find the information you need. Look up a definition in the dictionary, find map and flag images for every country in the world in the World Factbook, get in-depth information from the encyclopedia, and much more.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
NationMaster - - http://www.nationmaster.com/ - - Welcome to NationMaster.com, a massive central data source and a handy way to graphically compare nations. NationMaster is a vast compilation of data from such sources as the CIA World Factbook, United Nations, World Health Organization, World Bank, World Resources Institute, UNESCO, UNICEF and OECD. Using the form above, you can generate maps and graphs on all kinds of statistics with ease.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Your Guide to the Religions of the World - - http://www.bbc.co.uk/worldservice/people/features/world_religions/ - - This BBC site provides basic information about Buddhism, Christianity, Hinduism, Islam, Judaism, and Sikhism.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Today's Front Pages - - http://www.newseum.org/todaysfrontpages/ - - This site is an online presentation of one of the Newseum's most popular exhibits. Every morning, more than 300 newspapers from around the world submit their front pages to the Newseum via the Internet.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
For the technically minded reader, here’s an update on battery care from Bruce Rushton.

Recovering Old NICAD/NIMH Cells
From: G8MNY@GB7CIP.#32.GBR.EU

Old Nicads batteries & sometimes NMHI batteries usually end up with several cells being short circuit, as they suffer from crystal growth in the electrolyte. This is often called the memory effect as a battery with 1 cell shorted seems to have very short life as the battery voltage is unusable soon after charging. The chemistry of NMHI batteries are supposed to be more immune to this problem but often they are not!
To reclaim the cell before charging, (as normal charging will not remove the short) a very high current pulse must be used.
With a sealed battery pack this can blow any internal safety fuse! So it is best done when U have opened the pack. The good cells will withstand the high current OK, but having them in series can reduce the current pulse depending on how you are applying it, if you have a really bad cell.
Current up to 10 x C (eg 5A on a 500mAH AA cell, 40A on a 4AH D cell) can be safely applied until the pack warms up, (this is how fast chargers detect 70% charge & drop back to trickle).
For more difficult cells, current over 10 x C may be required, this can destroy the internal cell wires, but you have nothing to loose! Charge up a large capacitor eg 10,000uF to say 40V & connect to cell (computer must not be nearby! & mind the sparks) with thick wires, the few 100A of pulse current usually clears the short after a few pulses. This method is less likely to fuse the internal connections than putting the cell across a car battery!
Once all the cells are over 1V & stay there for a while, then trickle charge (Cx0.1) until warm or 14 hours. A few cycles of discharge & charge will normally bring back old cells to 100%.
If the capacity is less than 100% after a few cycles or there is excessive volt age (>2V) across a cell when charging, it is O/C or dry & will need to be replaced.
----------------------------------------
Tony, G8TBF@GB7NND says cells going short due to crystallisation is not due to the electrolyte but the cadmium electrode; cadmium has a property of 'cold crystallisation' (like Tin & Zinc) and can form 'needle' type spikes that bridge the cell.
The way to prevent this is to occasionally give the cells a long charge at a low current (<= 10 hour rate). This dissolves any 'needles' and replates the surfaces.
The other effect of the cadmium crystallisation is the 'memory effect' - this happens when cells are not fully discharged for long periods, and is caused by the 'deeper' parts of the cadmium plate crystallising.
The effect is that once the amorphous metal on the surface of the plate has been dissolved during discharge & the crystalline part is exposed, the cadmium is much less reactive - a crystalline structure simply does not break down as easily as amorphous metal.
The cure for 'memory effect' is to deep-discharge the cell, by connecting (e.g.) a 10 ohm resistor across it and leave it until absolutely dead. Normal recharging will then give full capacity & no 'memory'.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
TOURBUS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -:) - :)- :)
Volume 11, Number 31 --- 22 December 2005
Tourbus Home - http://www.TOURBUS.com
Best of Tourbus -- http://tourbus.com/best.html
+---------------------------------------+

TODAY'S TOURBUS TOPIC: One Laptop Per Child / Security Tips

Nicholas Negroponte has a dream... to provide a laptop with internet access to millions of children in developing countries around the world. In this issue, read about his quest to create a low-cost laptop, powered by a hand crank. Also, get the scoop on freeware, and pick up some great tips on wireless and Windows security.

--------------------------
Is Freeware Really Free?
--------------------------

A reader recently asked: "I see lots of freeware and shareware on the Web, but I'm never sure if it's safe to download them. Are there good alternatives to the expensive shrink-wrapped software packages for sale in stores?"

It's true Information Wants to Be Free......but users want their software to be safe. Free software is everywhere, making it hard to find the best of any particular kind. And then there's the fact that "freeware" is not always free. Some freeware is just poorly written and may cause your computer to crash. Some are a conduit for spam and other system invasion techniques. Others are illegal copies of commercial software that can land you in legal trouble.

Nevertheless, there are several excellent software packages that are truly free, high quality and useful. Here are some of my favorites...

http://www.askbobrankin.com/the_best_free_software.html

-------------------
Wireless Security
-------------------

Is it safe to use wireless Internet access at home? You may have heard that neighbors or even people driving by can tap in to a wireless signal. And what about the coffee shop or the airport? Do you need to be concerned about digital eavesdroppers?

In the last few years, wireless networks and devices have exploded onto the scene. But many users don't realize that by getting rid of those unsightly cables, they are exposing themselves to a significant security risk. If you haven't configured it properly, your home network could be used for illegal activity, such as transmission of child pornography or spamming.

Get the facts on wireless security & encryption, and learn how to secure both your home network and your mobile surfing.

http://www.askbobrankin.com/wireless_security.html

http://www.askbobrankin.com/is_public_wi-fi_access_safe.html

--------------------------
Windows XP Security Tips
--------------------------

It's no secret that quite a few security holes have been discovered in Windows XP and Internet Explorer. That's one of the reasons why some people are switching to the Firefox browser or dumping Windows entirely in favor of Linux.

Microsoft does a pretty good job of supplying fixes on a timely basis, but some pundits claim that you're putting your privacy at risk simply by going online with a Windows PC. But as an online professional, I use Windows XP and Internet Explorer every day... and I feel fine!

That's because your system does not have to remain open to potential abuse, if you tweak it properly. You can improve your Windows security just by following these simple tips:

http://www.askbobrankin.com/windows_xp_security_tips.html

http://www.askbobrankin.com/do_i_need_a_firewall.html

Further Reading: http://www.askbobrankin.com/security/

------------------------
A Laptop in Every Lap?
------------------------

At the November U.N. World Summit on the Information Society, a prototype of the $100 laptop was unveiled. Powered by a 500 MHz AMD processor and one gigabyte of flash memory, the diminutive laptop sports a tough green exterior and runs the Linux operating system.

With a 7-inch screen that swivels like a tablet, built in wireless networking, and a hand crank that provides 40 minutes of power from one minute of cranking, the machines are capable of connecting to the Internet and forming peer-to-peer "mesh" networks.

By setting up a central server with a satellite link in a small village, children in remote locations could have Internet access in places where there are no books. A built-in microphone and speaker will enable the machines to make VOIP phone calls and software development tools will be pre-loaded to encourage children to learn computer programming skills.

This week, One Laptop Per Child selected Quanta Computer to mass produce the $100 laptop, and they expect to initially ship 5-15 million units to China, India, Brazil, Argentina, Egypt, Nigeria and Thailand. Their ultimate goal is to continue reducing the cost of the units and to distribute a half billion laptops, both as an educational tool, and as a means of alleviating world poverty.

But the project is not without its detractors. Intel's Chairman Craig Barrett calls the device a "gadget" and predicted that poor children in third-world countries would not want them, because they are not "grown up" PC's. Surely his criticism has nothing to do with the fact that arch-rival AMD is supplying the processors that power these machines. Nah...

"It turns out what people are looking for is something that has the full functionality of a PC," Barrett opined. "... not dependent on servers in the sky to deliver content and capability, or on hand cranks for power." Hmmm. If Mr. Barrett lived in a place where there was no electricity, no hard-wired high speed Internet access, and no air-conditioned ivory towers, he might want such a gadget... even if it had an AMD processor inside.

Comments on this article?
http://www.askbobrankin.com/one_laptop_per_child.html

+---------------------------------------+
Tourbus riders rave about the practical advice that Smart Computing Magazine offers. We highly recommend it for plain English answers to your computing questions. Do you want to speed up your PC? Eliminate the threat of computer viruses? Get rid of spyware and keep hackers out? Try Smart Computing today -- get your FREE TRIAL issue NOW!
http://www.tourbus.com/smart.htm
+---------------------------------------+
That's all for now. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and for our Canadian friends, the best Boxing Day ever!

+---------------------------------------+
Volume 11, Number 31 --- 20 December 2005
+---------------------------------------+

TODAY'S TOURBUS TOPIC: Make Your Own Videos - Part 2

Howdy, y'all, and greetings from deep behind the orange curtain in beautiful Irvine, California. Once again I'm handing over the wheel to my father Bob Crispen, to finish his two-part series on creating videos on your computer.
+---------------------------------------+

In our last issue [ see http://archives.tourbus.com ] we discussed how the Video Ranger saved my life, then moved on to Virtual Dub, converting AVI videos to other formats, and burning your creation to a video CD -- all for free. Here are some more odds and ends.

1. There's a licensing issue with the MPEG 2 codec which means you have to pay to get a version of TMPGEnc that will create SVCD (Super VCD) files after the trial period has expired. You can still create Regular VCD files. They explain it on their website.

2. You may find it helpful to compress your AVI files or recode them in DIVX format. Try AVIUTIL at http://ruriruri.zone.ne.jp/aviutl The page is in Japanese, but don't worry: it's really simple.

3. Do you hate Real Video files? You're not alone. TINRA (That Is Not Real Anymore) at http://www.geocities.com/tinra04/ will convert them to uncompressed AVI's. Make sure you run them through AVIUTIL or one of the other programs I've mentioned above to reduce their size. Note that in fine type at the start of that page they show a Windows GUI for TINRA. If you hate to type command line parameters as much as I do, make sure you get it. Just install everything in the same directory and it should work fine.

4. Have you discovered that Windows Movie Maker is like a roach motel? Video clips check in, in all kinds of formats, but Windows Movie Maker only saves WMV files, and you can't turn them into an MPEG or AVI or anything useful? Not so, little grasshopper. Simply rename it from WMV to ASF, and TMPGEnc will turn it into an MPEG.

5. Are you sick and tired of having to endure the millions of ads and the lousy bandwidth that some sites use to send video streams? Would you like to save the video on your own computer and view it at your leisure? Help is at hand: Try ASFRECORDER at http://sourceforge.net/projects/asfrecorder/

6. When you downloaded that video through ASFRECORDER, you may have discovered it won't play. The media weasels have exploited a "feature" in Windows Media Player: when WMP finds an error in a file, it complains and refuses to play it, but when it finds an error in a stream, it does the best it can to play it anyway. So the weasels slip in a couple of deliberate errors. Solution: ASFTOOLS at http://www.geocities.com/myasftools/ will repair the stream you downloaded and the file should be playable.

7. If the menus and all the choices on TMPGEnc are too much, try a simpler program called AVI2VCD at http://home.cogeco.ca/~avi2vcd/ You may find it's just what you need.

8. Remember how your parents would have guests and after dinner they'd set up their slide projector, and the guests would groan? Well, you can do the same thing on your TV! Slide Show Movie Maker at http://www.joern-thiemann.de/tools/ssmm/ takes images (Windows Bitmaps or JPEGs), ties them together with some neato effects like fades and wipes, and lets you add text and audio voice-overs. It generates uncompressed AVI files, but by now you know enough to take it from there and turn it into a video CD.

9. TMPGEnc has some very useful filters on page 3 of their wizard. Push the "Other settings" button and look on the Advanced tab. Yes, some of the settings will be in geek-speak and totally mysterious to everybody but a video maven, but "Simple Color Correction" is really easy. Gamma correction is easy to work with and is the tool you'll use most often on your problem video clips once you get used to it.

Now, I know, something named "gamma" is scary, and when you find out it's an intensity transfer function and see the equation, your eyes glaze over. But trust me: it's pretty much just a combination brightness and contrast control, and -- here's the cool part -- if you don't like the result, it's completely reversible! You may have seen a gamma slider in your 2D graphics programs (IrfanView, Paint Shop Pro, Photoshop) next to the brightness and contrast controls, and your hand may have jumped away if your mouse accidentally strayed near it. Same thing there. Once you use it and get used to it, you'll never touch brightness and contrast again, and you'll be mad that there isn't a gamma control on your TV.

In fact, any Mac and Linux users who are still with us, that last paragraph may be the most useful thing in this whole article. Gamma is the reason pictures that look good on a PC look bad on a Mac and vice-versa, and it's the one-step control that can fix them.

One warning, though. Some graphics programs have buried way down deep in the menus a "Set monitor gamma" control. You do not want to touch this control unless you're a professional graphics artist, and even then, the color space controls will probably be more useful. I was the chairman of the Web3D Consortium's Color and Lighting Working Group, which sounds a lot more impressive than it is, and my monitor gamma is set to 1.0 and my color space to good old sRGB. So don't mess with monitor gamma. [Now that I think back on it, I think Maureen Stone and Eric Haines were the chairs, and all I did was get that WG organized. :oops: ]

But the regular gamma, the one next to the brightness and contrast controls, will become your friend for life. Trust me.

In fact, you can apply the same lesson to the other gobbledegook you see on the menus of these video programs -- play with stuff. You don't need to know a pedestal from an aspect ratio. All you need to know is, if I do this, it does that. And if some of the wonderful articles on vcdhelp.com explain why it does that, it's just gravy.

--------------------
Chitika eMiniMalls
--------------------

...is a new online advertising system that's changing the way Internet publishers make money. Even if you're currently using Google's AdSense, you can significantly boost your website revenues by adding a simple block of code to your web pages. Chitika eMiniMalls is a very slick product-based advertising system that's interactive, providing product information and comparison pricing.

Chitika offers a TON of options to customize the display of ads on your site, and it can take quite a bit of experimenting to find the settings that will optimize your earnings. Fortunately my smart cyberfriend Joel Comm has done extensive research and in his ebook "Chitika eMiniMalls Secrets" he reveals:

- How to customize colors and fonts to get more clicks
- Where to position eMiniMalls to maximize clicks and revenues
- How to make eMiniMalls compatible with AdSense
- How to use channels to track and optimize your earnings

Joel's ebook "Chitika eMiniMalls Secrets" was a big help in getting my eMiniMalls program implemented and optimized. I'm now using eMiniMalls in my remainder ad spots and it's producing much higher revenues than I was seeing in those spots before. If you have a website and you're not monetizing your traffic with Chitika's EminiMalls, then you're leaving money on the table! This ebook is a great way to learn everything you need to know and get rolling quickly with Chitika's EminiMalls -- I recommend it highly. Use the link below for more information:

http://www.tourbus.com/chitika_secrets.htm

That's it for today. Have a safe and happy holiday, and we'll be back next week!

+---------------------------------------+

==[ Tourbus Rider Information ]==
The Internet Tourbus - U.S. Library of Congress ISSN #1094-2238 Copyright 1995-2005, Rankin & Crispen - All rights reserved Tourbus News Service - http://tourbus.com/news.html Subscribe, Signoff, Archives, Free Stuff and More at the Tourbus Website - http://www.TOURBUS.com
========================
.~~~. ))
(\__/) .' ) )) Patrick Douglas Crispen
/o o \/ .~
{o_, \ { crispen@netsquirrel.com
/ , , ) \ http://www.netsquirrel.com/
`~ -' \ } )) AOL Instant Messenger: Squirrel2K
_( ( )_.'
---..{____} Warning: squirrels.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
AFR Christmas Specials

See below for a detailed listing of special Christmas broadcasts on KBPW 88.1 FM or visit http://www.afr.net. All times are Central Standard, and schedule subject to change.

Saturday, December 24

Christmas with Denver and the Mile High Orchestra (1:00 p.m.) - Formed by a group of friends at Nashville’s Belmont University in 1999, this exceptional group of musicians is comprised of three trumpet players, three saxophone players, two trombone players and a rhythm section. In the five years since their inception, the group has traveled around the globe, performing at churches, conferences, festivals—even at the Olympics—taking their electrifying horn-driven sound to the masses. The big band sound of the 30’s and 40’s had long intrigued Denver, who had played the trumpet for 16 years, so he assembled a group of musicians—friends to reinvent the style for the modern age. The special features music from their most recent Christmas project.

The Story Of Christmas (6:00 p.m.) - This special features the Christmas reading from Max McLean.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Dear Friends & Family:
I pray the following will stir (or "shake up", as it were) all of us (self included) who continually or at least occasionally wonder "what our calling is". SELAH

Blessings upon you and yours in Jesus...
Agape'

Dana Sigmon / Songwriters Ministries, Inc.
PO Box 1001 / Smyrna, TN 37167
615-459-0554 / Cellular: 305-7970
http://danasigmon.org
- -------
"Christian salt has no business to remain snugly in elegant ecclesiastical salt cellars; our place is to be rubbed into the secular community, as salt is rubbed into meat, to stop it going bad.

When society does go bad, we Christians tend to throw up our hands in pious horror and reproach to the non Christian world; but should we not rather reproach ourselves? One can hardly blame unsalted meat for going bad. It cannot do anything else. The real question to ask is: Where is the salt?"
Author unknown

- -------

A Party Invitation... especially for you!

As you well know, we are getting closer to my birthday. Every year there is a celebration in my honor and I think that this year the celebration will be - repeated. During this time there are many people shopping for gifts, there are many - radio announcements, TV commercials, and in every part of the world everyone is talking that my birthday is getting closer and closer.

It is really very nice to know, that at least once a year, some people think of me. As you know, the celebration of my birthday began many years ago. At first people seemed to understand and be thankful of all that I did for them, but in these times, no one seems to know the reason for the - celebration. Family and friends get together and have a lot of fun, but they don't - know the meaning of the celebration. I remember last year there was a great feast in my honor. The dinner table was full of delicious foods, pastries, fruits, assorted nuts and chocolates. The decorations were exquisite and there were many, many beautifully wrapped gifts.

But, do you want to know something? I wasn't invited. I was the guest of honor and they didn't remember to send me an invitation. The party was for me, but when that great day came, I was left outside, they closed the door in my face .. and I wanted to be with them and share their table.

In truth, that didn't surprise me because in the last few years all close their doors to me. Since I wasn't invited, I decided to enter the party without making any noise. I went in and stood in a corner. They were all drinking; there were some who were drunk and telling jokes and laughing at everything. They were having a grand time. To top it all, this big fat man all dressed in red wearing a long white beard entered the room yelling Ho-Ho-Ho! He looked loaded as he sat on the sofa and all the children ran to him, saying: "Santa Claus, Santa Claus" as if the party were in his honor!

At midnight all the people began to hug each other; I extended my arms waiting for someone to hug me but no one did. Then they all began to share gifts. They opened them one by one with great expectation. When all had been opened, I looked to see if, maybe, there was one for me. NOPE! Every year it gets worse. Some have even purposed to UN-INVITE ME and have even tried to pass laws to keep me out of MY party!!

I would like this Christmas to be different... would you allow me to invite you? Simply recognize the fact that almost two thousand years ago I was born into this world to give my life for you on a cross, to save YOU from the penalty of your sin. This is my most precious gift I could give... and I gave it for all who will receive it! Yes, even you!

Today, ALL I WANT for MY BIRTHDAY is for you to believe this with all your heart and turn to me with your whole being. I will have my own celebration, a far more grandiose party than anyone has ever imagined, a spectacular party. I'm still making the final arrangements... and YOU ARE INVITED!! I am sending out many invitations and there is an invitation for you. I want to know if you wish to attend, I will make a reservation for you and write your name with golden letters, in my great guest book.

Only those on the guest list will be allowed to enter the party. Those who don't reply to the invitation (RSVP) will unfortunately be left out. (that's the way my Father said "it has been written" and "the way it WILL be")

Please accept my invitation now and stay prepared because when all is ready... you will be "picked up" and there won't be time to make your decision then.

So please, this year for MY Birthday, the greatest present you could possibly give ME would be YOU! It is all up YOUR DECISION NOW, I SO hope to see you there...
(invite everyone you know... friend and foe)

I'll be seeing you soon and very soon.
All My Agape'
Jesus
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
News for Larry Norman Fans.

Dear Friends,

We here at Solid Rock are excited to inform you that there is news from Larry on the web-site. Updates and a personal greeting for the Holiday Season, which around here we like to call "Christmas."

Larry has just put the final touches on the engineering, balancing and artwork for "The Norman Conquest" ( Part Two of the Norman Invasion recordings.) And a really great album by the title of "Ten X Two".

And also, the original songs and running order of the U.K. tapes of "In Another Land"  subtitled "Missing Pieces" because Larry has been able to restore the parts that were cut out by Word.

And "Snapshots Of The '77 World Tour." which is part of "The Voyage Of The Vigilant" recordings.

And finally, the CD currently caught up in legal controversy: "Slinky".

And for a limited time Solid Rock is very excited to have an early prerelease of Charles's new commercial record, "Alligator". Be aware, though, that this is not a CCM recording and is not considerd listening material for the light hearted:

We are happy to let you know that the criticly acclaimed "Live and Kicking" is now available for the first time on DVD.

There are also stickers, buttons, GUITAR PICKS and posters.

Larry has had an up and down year. The "up" part was, obviously, the four months when he felt so invigorated that he decided to do a concert. So he reserved The Elsinore Theatre and felt confident that he would be able to be there, at least for one show. To ensure that he wasn't the only "go to guy" he asked his friends to join him. Softcore signed on. And Dan Cutrona flew down from Canada. Gary Pomeroy flew up from California. Mark Lemhouse, The Severins, Nancy Overmeyer, Julie Hoy, Africa Gospel Acapella (the five blind boys from Liberia) and Michael Manning all helped make the evening very memorable. The last "addon" was Frank Black of The Pixies. Frank was kept a secret from most people, but the tickets had already sold out anyway. The concert was a great success and the next day there was a fullblown backyard barbecue, Larryoke contest, talent show, auction and miniconcert which went on all day and into the night and concluded only when the police came to shut it down.

Before the evening of The Elsinore had come, Larry had received an offer to come to Europe, to headline the Seaside Festival. And then after that the concerts just kept on coming. Larry did four concerts and still had enough energy left over to do an MTV style video for "Turn." At the end of the shoot someone noticed that his eye was bleeding so he went to the doctor. He was told that he couldn't fly back to America until he had recovered so he spent an extra week, sleeping and walking around to maintain his strength. He came back to America. It was over. He had been able to do everything he had agreed to do and the rest of the year was spent riding the undulations of his health which put him in the hospital several times.

The LONG awaited SONGBOOK is finally rekeased. The first 100 copies will be numbered and signed by Larry. It contains both guitar and piano arrangements of all the songs from "Only Visiting This Planet". It also includes a DVD of Larry showing his guitar picking patterns and unusual fingering techniques and the secrets to his simple piano chord clusters. You can learn how to play that strange uptheneck opening progression on "I Wish We'd All Been Ready" and the waterfall chords on "I Am A Servant."

Larry also talks about the songs and "visits" a little bit so that even for those who don't know how to play guitar or piano can just watch it as a performance, not only of songs but a performance of Larry's "LIFE" and an intimate portrait of who he is and why he is the way that he is. You know, larry cannot read music. So he said the only way he would make a songbook and a DVD was if he could do it HIS way and make it into an interesting "Evening With..." type of presentation.

If you ever wanted to play guitar NOW is the time to start. AND if you already know how to play, you can learn all the tricks he uses in his songs. And if you ever wanted to get to know Larry better NOW is the time to start. This DVD will be an historical archive of Larry's life and his most powerful collection of songs. As usual, we are working right up until deadline. We are releasing new CDs, DVDs and all that while keeping up the ministry side of things.

Larry counsels people by email and responds to those emails which we forward to him. He is currently considering the offer to come and speak over a weekend down at a beach area here in Oregon. The "Songwriter's Forum" will be offering a whole weekend with Larry and other artists. Those who attend will be able to spend time with Larry, he will listen to their songs, advise them on poetic improvements and instruct them on how to avoid being cheated in their dealings with record labels and publishing companies. He will be explaining how to get a record contract, how to perform on stage, how to use the recording studio to make higher quality CDs and how to make impressive graphics which avoid the Seven Deadly Mistakes of Graphic Art.

You can sign up for the Solid Rock Fan Club for 2006. This time with many discs of music and only one magazine a year. Access to the secret web-site with blog updates from Larry on a regular basis if he can manage to stay online up here in the mountain where he lives.. Larry is working hard on brand new studio recordings for the three or four MaxiSingles he will be putting out. In 2005 everything came at the END of the year because our June deadline was forestalled by The Elsinore Theatre performance and the concert tour in Europe, the MTV style video for "Turn" the 8 week American Tour for Soft Core, the completion of an album which received The Muddy Waters Album Of The Year Award, the completion of the "Alligator" album and so on.

But in 2006, we are aiming for things to begin coming out at the BEGINNING of the year. Larry appreciates any feedback he receives from the members. Disounts on all products for Fan Club members. If you are a regular customer with Soldi Rock this is a great deal and keeps you informed and in the loop more so then just the regular web-site.

Since the deadlines from the USPS office is fast approaching be aware that not all ordered product may be there before Christmas. We will do ALL we can though to try:) If you have any questions please feel free to email or phone us and we will be happy to assist you. Note that some of the new products are PRE-ORDERS and will not be shipped until January.

We at Solid Rock want to THANK you for your patience and understanding through busy times when we were touring. This Year has been truly special with all the wonderful people we met for the Elsinore concert and the European tour. We look forward to the new year. Any creative ideas you might have or feedback is appreciated and all though it might take some time to get back with you, know that we read it all. We like active fellow brothers and sisters:)

We wish you a peaceful Christmas. We celebrate this season with you the best gift ever, Jesus Christ. With love for each other and for the strangers which God puts in your pathway. May the New Year bring blessings into your hearts and homes,

:) Larry, Kristin, Charles, Silver, Jason & the Solid Rock Family
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Activities and Events of Interest
~~~
The Emancipation Proclamation will be on display at the Clinton Library September 22-25, 2007.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/

01. Spc. Joseph A. Lucas, 23, ofAugusta, Ga., died in Balad, Iraq on Dec. 15, when an improvised explosive device detonated near his HMMWV during combat operations. Lucas was assigned to the 5th Squadron, 7th Cavalry Regiment, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 3rd Infantry Division, Fort Stewart, Ga.

02. Sgt. Timothy R. Boyce, 29, ofNorth Salt Lake, Utah, died at Landstuhl Regional Medical Center in Landstuhl, Germany, on Dec. 15, of a non-combat related cause. Boyce was assigned to the Maintenance Troop, Support Squadron, 3rd Armored Cavalry Regiment, Fort Carson, Colo.

03. Cpl. Adam R. Fales, 21, ofCullman , Ala. , died Dec. 16 from a non-hostile gunshot wound in Fallujah, Iraq. He was assigned to Combat Service Support Detachment-21, 2nd Marine Logistics Group, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Air Station Cherry Point, N.C.


04. Staff Sgt. Johnnie V. Mason, 32, of Rio Vista, Texas, died in Al Mahmudiyah,Iraq on Dec. 19, when an improvised explosive device detonated near his HMMWV. Mason was assigned to the 717th Ordnance Company, 184th Ordnance Battalion, 52nd Ordnance Group (Explosive Ordnance Detachment), Fort Campbell, Ky.

04. Lance Cpl. Samuel Tapia, 20, of San Benito, Texas, died Dec. 18 from small-arms fire while conducting combat operations in Ar Ramadi,Iraq. He was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 7th Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Twentynine Palms,Calif. During Operation Iraqi Freedom, his unit was attached to 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force (Forward).

The Department of Defense announced the death of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died in Taji, Iraq on Dec. 20, when an improvised explosive device detonated near their HMMWV during combat operations. Both soldiers were assigned to the 1st Battalion 15th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade, 3rd Infantry Division, Fort Benning, Ga. Killed were:
05. 1st Lt. Michael J. Cleary, 24, of Dallas, Pa.
06. Spc. Richard Junior D. Naputi, 24, of Talofofo, Guam.

http://icasualties.org/oif/default.aspx
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Please remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Scheduled Activities
~~~
Alcoholics Anonymous meets at 8 p.m. Monday - Friday. At noon on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays and at 7 p.m. Sunday at 914 N. Vine
~~~
Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m. Union Street Station. And YOU'RE invited. Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
~~~
Columbia County Diabetes Support Group - Every third Monday, 7:00 p.m. room 222, Magnolia Hospital
~~~
"Focus on the Family" with Dr. James Dobson weekday afternoons at 1 PM on KVMA am 630 it's a great show!
~~~
MCC - Abraham Prayer - Sunday at 5:00 p.m and Wednesday from 11:30 am to 1:00 pm
~~~
MCC - Early Morning Prayer - Monday - Friday, From 6:30 am to 8:00 am
~~~
MCC - "Beth Moore" Video Class - Thursday nights at 5:45 pm
~~~
MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets at 1051 Columbia 36 the second and fourth Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.
~~~
MCC - Firm Foundations Class, Sunday 9:30 to 10:15 a.m
~~~
MCC - Meadow Brook Nursing Home Ministry Tuesday from 10:00 to 11:00 a.m
~~~
MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second. Call 234-3225 for reservations.
~~~
MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
~~~
MCC - Over comers: Fridays @ 7:00 p.m- Director, Traci Foster invites you to a 12 step Christian support program. For anyone with a life controlling problem. Child care is provided.
~~~
Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
~~~
Narcotics Anonymous 5-6 pm every Monday at 220 Pine street.
~~~
TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) 5 pm every Tuesday in the Magnolia Hospital break room.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." - - Paul Troquille
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
~~~~~
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
Luke 2:12-14 Luke 1:35-38 Mat 1:18-20 John 1:1-4,14 2 Cor 8:1-5 http://www.e-min.org/
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E-mail at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. For the "Blog" version just go to http://bugsbleat4q.blogspot.com/ to see the latest issue. This week, "Word" and "PDF" subscribers get to see photos of Area Christmas Light Displays.
Let us hear from you if we can switch you over to the "Word" or "PDF" version of "Da Bleat".
If you'd prefer to read "Da Blog" version, just drop us a note at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com and we'll switch you from e:mail delivery to "Da Bleat" Blog. Of course "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleat4q.blogspot.com to see the latest issue (usually updated sometime Friday evening or Saturday morning. We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2005 before it was sent. ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>